I (F, 28) ended a friendship with a close friend (F, 26) and I’m questioning if I overreacted.
Over the last few months, I noticed a recurring pattern where she would make plans with me and then cancel them last minute to spend time with men she had just met. This happened twice with New Year’s plans that she herself suggested. The second time she canceled(31/12), it was to stay with a guy she had known for about one day. At that moment, and only then, I made a sarcastic comment like, “you really drop everything for men lol.” That was the only comment I made about it. I did not argue, insist, or pressure her afterward, and I accepted the cancellation.
Despite that, two days before New Year’s, during her birthday, I still helped her a lot. I baked her a birthday cake, went out with her, and she invited a guy she was seeing. She spent most of the night focused on him, leaving me alone most of the time. Later that night, we ordered pizza, and she said she would pay her share the next day.
She never sent the money. When I asked her again later, calmly, her reaction escalated. I asked her that on New Year’s Eve, and she was saying horrible things to me because of my comment about canceling her plans and because i was asking for her to send me the money. Instead of addressing the money, she turned the conversation into personal attacks. Later on after i blocked her, she sent me screenshots of the messages she sent me after i blocked her, using her another account. She accused me of trying to control her life and said I was “pressuring” her. She told me I had “some kind of problem,” dismissed my feelings by saying I was being overly emotional, questioned my mental health, and made comments implying my feelings were exaggerated or irrational. She also asked if I was “going hungry” for asking for the money, told me to “calm down” and “stop it” in a dismissive way, called me “old as hell,” and finally said she would not pay me at all anymore, “simple as that.” After that i just blocked her another account.
What makes this especially painful is our history. In the past, when she was struggling, I helped her extensively. When she was expelled from her home, I let her live in my house. I helped provide food for her and for her pet when they moved out, gave her many things she needed, and my family helped her as well. At no point did I humiliate her or use that help against her. Because of that, being asked if I was “going hungry” simply for asking for money she owed felt deeply humiliating and shocking.
At that point, I realized the issue was no longer about the money or the canceled plans, but about being treated with basic respect. After being insulted, having my feelings dismissed, and my character attacked, I blocked her and decided to end the friendship.
Now I’m feeling guilty and wondering if I crossed a line by making that one sarcastic comment at the beginning and by asking for money she had clearly agreed to pay.
AITA for ending the friendship?
NTA That’s not the kind of person you need in your life.
NTA.
Are you me? Lol jk but I am also 28 f, and just ended a friendship with a childhood friend a few days ago because of something similar… Oh and she wasn’t apologetic at all either.
We’re in the same boat, haha. We have this in common, this girl also didn’t regret it and I’m so angry and resentful about the way she spoke to me, it’s difficult.
Hiii, NTA. She sounds like a complete narcissist and like she only cares about herself. When you truly care about someone you don’t initiate plans just to cancel them, it’s rude and inconsiderate. Your comment in the beginning about saying she will drop anyone for a guy, doesn’t seem like a jab you’re just being honest and have the right to say that (partially because you’ve been friends for so long, she shouldn’t immediately think you are attacking her when you say that and it’s not like you’re wrong when u say that either). She crossed a line asking you if you’re going hungry because that is straight up petty + and insult. I’m sorry she did this to you and she even said she wouldn’t pay you back? It sounds like she is deflecting when she made that comment asking if you were going hungry. Truly you don’t need someone like that and you lose nothing losing someone who is inconsiderate and ungrateful. Stand on ending the friendship and don’t look back, better girlfriends will come your way
That particular comment she made, asking if I’m starving simply because I asked for my money, which is my right, made me very angry. Her mask has fallen, and I never want anything to do with her again. Thank you for your support.
NTA they are not your friend, they do not respect or appreciate you. I have helped two people in a similar way and guess what? They treat me with as much kindness as they possibly can. One is on her feet and has repeatedly told me without my help they wouldnt be where they are. The other is still trying to get set up in life but does anything I ask for help with no complaints. I had a third person I started to help that was as rude and disrespectful as your friend. She is gone now and out of my life because she was never grateful, just expecting more than I could give.
Drop this “friend”, you will feel so much better.
Yes, she was never grateful for what I’ve done for her, she chose to be ungrateful and disrespect me. But as you said, better people will come along and I don’t need someone like her in my life.
Absolutely. She has shown you who she is so believe it and move on with your own life.
Yes, I will continue with my life in a much lighter way. Thank you for your support.
NTA at all! You told her the truth.
Yes, and that’s when her mask fell off.
Nta she doesn’t respect your time and effort. Honestly I’m a bit petty so I’d unblock her and tell her “it’s ok at least I donated something to charity.”
Don’t even get me started, I’m holding myself back from saying or doing anything about it lol