I had a coffee shop meeting with a contractor(60M) of mine (31F). Everything was going fine until a woman walked in and he said to me, “did you see that cougar mom that just walked in and gave me the look? You are a woman, you know the look I’m talking about. I haven’t felt this desired in a while.”
That conversation didn’t sit well with me, and he did multiple other things to make me feel uncomfortable like speaking in an insulting Indian accent, and commenting on his polyamorous daughter’s sexuality by saying she was just a playboy. I vented to my coworker about this experience who got very upset that he made me uncomfortable with that, especially since I am his client. She had him reported at his workplace for inappropriate comments and later that day I told my supervisor about it and he called his boss to complain about his lack of professionalism . I feel bad that I got him in trouble and he has been icing me out all day by not responding to work emails.AITA?
NTA.
And as someone his age I do not accept any arguments that he’s a product of his time or any such nonsense. We’ve had plenty of time to fix our shit.
Kinda sounds like he should be lucky to still have his job I’m thinking you could have ask him to please be professional or something along those lines
NTA . If he can’t focus on the job , it becomes your problem . it’s a situation he created, and you deserve someone you feel comfortable with .
NTA, I think. He may have been told not to talk to you. I’m not sure why you think he would feel comfortable answering you after you reported him. I am not sure that your coworker should have been involved or taken action. I am older than the contractor, but left-leaning and open-minded, but I can attest that many my age are really thrown for how quickly things are changing. I am not excusing the behavior, just explaining why this guy is not responding to you. I would not know what to do if I were in his shoes, tbh. Would a sit down where he apologizes make it easier for you to work with him? Maybe HR should be addressing how this is going to work.
NTA
He was counting on your being too embarrassed to do anything about it.
He fucked around, now he’s finding out.
NTA. Yuck
Slight YTA, only because if you meet contractors in an unprofessional setting I would expect them to be relaxed a bit.
Without knowing what he said it is hard to know how inappropriate his comments were in terms of generalization or other fallacies. What you stated is kind of TMI but not really sexist/racist without knowing the context.
I would suggest never meeting contractors in an unprofessional setting.
Meeting a contractor in a coffee shop is a green light for bad behavior? Negatory. I’ve been in the construction industry for 25+ years and met with people from all walks of life. Professionalism is never left at the door.
OP is definitely NTA
NTA but I dont think he was either. he was definitely unprofessional but you kinda need to look at the guys background. He is a 60 year old contractor which in most cases means he probably spent 20ish years just doing construction on job sites(if you sepnt an hour on any job site in America your head would spin from the things we say to each other). Between his age (the older you get the less you give AF about what comes out of your mouth) and what he does for a living he just isnt used to talking to women professionally and doesnt have much of a filter anymore. Its not an excuse for his actions but it is a reason for them.
Run
YTA. I’m a Licensed General Contractor and say what I want, when I want. That’s probably why I ended up as a GC. Sounds like you need to grow some thicker skin and attend a few less sexual harassment panda seminars.
NTA if he didn’t want to get in trouble then he shouldn’t have done those things