AITA for applying for the same job as a friend
I’ve been at my current place of work for a couple of years now. Back in April I applied for a fixed term role lasting 1 yr, which was a promotion to the band above the one I was working at. I interviewed and was successful.
Since starting at my current place of work, I was very close friends with Bob. We started on the same band, doing the same job but with slightly different specialisms. We got on really well, spent lots of time together and socialised outside of work too.
Up until now, there have been several promotion opportunities arise within the team all at the band above. They didn’t feel ready at that point. It was at this time I interviewed for my role and got it.
The line manager of Bob (we’ll call them Jim) also got their role around the same time, and Bob and line manager Jim did not get along. There were issues both sides, but Bob had a really hard time. I supported Bob, fought for them in management settings to get the support they needed.
Around 6 weeks ago, line manager Jim had long left. The company decided to hire into that position again, and Bob called me the morning they found out. Very excited about the job, as now they feel ready. I encouraged them, as I absolutely believe they could do it. Then later that same day I’m called into a meeting about my job, as due to external funding. The contract won’t be extending. Now for context, I’d move down to my previous band job so would not be jobless. It was still a shock though. I was then also asked about applying for line manager Jim’s positon. I said no I couldn’t, on the basis my friend Bob would be going for it.
Now here is where I messed up, and I’m really kicking myself about it. Friend Bib and I spoke about my contract, I was a bit upset at the time. They asked me if I was going to apply for L’s Jim’s position. I said I can’t, but I’m in a very awkward positon as I don’t know what to do.
Bob said it would be okay if I applied though. I went away, had conversations with friends and my management debating the choice I had to make. Eventually, I decided I should go for the job. I’m working at that level currently, and if I was to move back down to my previous band. I’d leave for something else at a higher level eventually.
I asked Bob if we could talk, as I wanted to be honest. We spoke for a few minutes, they got quite angry with me. Rolled their eyes and walked away. Since then, we have barely spoken to eachother. We used to chat most evenings, calls in the day ect. All of that has gone away now.
Bob said to me we could be friends if I didn’t speak about the job. I agreed, but now we don’t speak. I found out this week Bob has been talking badly to other colleagues about me. I can’t defend myself, I didn’t handle this situation like I should’ve don’t. I know I’ve hurt their feelings, and I’m lost on how to fix it. But most of all I miss my friend.
In this situation, would you have applied for the job?
YANTA, if anything Bob is the asshole, he specifically said that it would be okay if you applied, but then talks bad behind your back.
You weren’t wrong for applying. Careers don’t pause because a friend wants the same thing. Bob said it was fine, then got mad when you took them at their word. That’s on them, not you. It sucks losing a friend but you didn’t betray anyone by trying to grow. In your spot, I’d have applied too.
NTA: you can apply for any job you want, regardless of what your friends say. Sometimes, you have to put yourself first to get to where you need to be.
Also, it’s not like you did this to intentionally snub him, if Bob was mature, he’d understand. Hope all goes well for you.