SOME INFORMATION TO KNOW: So my(24) girlfriend(25) of 6 years came over to my house(I currently am letting my brother(29) live with me). He’s stayed here for a while now around a year since he is saving up to go on his own. I’m normally shirtless at home and when my brother and I used to live at my parents we would be shirtless so my brother typically is too. He tries to keep his distance and not pointlessly be in front of my partner when she is over since he can tell she doesn’t feel comfortable and I’ve told her before that it is our home and I wouldn’t want to tell him to live differently because she came over. (She doesn’t live with me btw)
THE INCIDENT: So I also have 2 big dogs cookie and Oreo, cookie is a very playful dog and she went into my brothers room and licked his nipple and he laughed about it and told me about it but through his room so he basically just yelled it out. My girlfriend is in my room with me and gets upset about the situation because she says its inappropriate and he shouldn’t talk about his nipples while she is there. I didn’t think it was a big deal and said “sorry I don’t understand what the issue is though” I mentioned that he didn’t come into the room or show himself at all and laughed about it and just wanted to let me know.(my family does not have a good relationship, we really don’t talk much but slowly trying to get better)
Did I mess up by saying that? She’s saying it’s not right and I’m saying it’s his home too and he isn’t talking to her or showing anything it was just a statement that he laughed about while in his room. I just wanted to get people’s perspective! Thanks for your time!
(I showed her the whole post and asked permission to post beforehand because I genuinely don’t want to fight with her but I want her to know my perspective)
NTA … Your girlfriend sounds like a prude and needs to lighten up a bit. There was nothing weird or sexual about the incident you described and as a visitor in your home she has no say in what goes on
May I ask what country you live? In the U.S. it’s common for men to spend the hot summers shirt-less. They walk around in public without shirts, work outside, it’s no big deal. I don’t see a prob. but maybe it’s different where you live?
We live in the US, specifically the Bay Area
Cal. & a shirtless man bothers her? SMH
You live in CALIFORNIA & guys without shirts “make her uncomfortable”?! She needs to move to Wisconsin. Or Minot. Doesn’t seem there would be as many shirtless men there.
As someone in the Bay Area as well, your girlfriend is ridiculous. You are NTA, but your gf needs to grow up.
NTA. Your girlfriend obviously has some ideas about propriety that you and your brother don’t share. The thing is, she doesn’t get to force them on you. That’s a losing game for you, OP, in her trying to change who you are and how you live. It’s a losing game for her since she’s inserting herself into the rebuilding you’re doing with your brother.
If she’s really sensitive to it, then maybe you guys don’t hang at your place. She can host if she really doesn’t want to see shirtless brothers or hear them tell you something funny that happened to them.
Really though… the word nipple? She thinks he shouldn’t say the word nipple when she’s in ear shot? That’s overly sensitive, OP.
NTA. That interaction was harmless. Did she grow up without brothers? If she can answer without broad moralistic generalizations, it may be worthwhile to have a conversation about why that made her uncomfortable.
Nta. Your girlfriend is a prude and needs to get over herself. Nothing inappropriate was said. I would treat her like a shirt when you’re home and lose her.
NTA. No matter what you say, your girlfriend is out to find offense and fault with anything related to the situation she doesn’t like.
The real issue for you is whether that’s the sort of behavior you are willing to put up with for the rest of your life.
NTA. But has she always been like this? You’ve been together six years. Why does your brother have to keep his distance from her? This is all weird and honestly, your girlfriend sounds like she has issues that she needs to work through.
NTA. He didn’t say anything sexual in nature. If your GF can’t handle the word nipple she has some issues she needs to work on. She either has an issue or she’s just automatically sexualizing your brother. Either way it’s a her issue and not an actual problem.
She wants the brother to leave.
NTA – Is a person who can’t laugh about a dog licking a nipple here and there really who you want to spend your life with?