Hi
My boyfriend is from Morocco and he moved to Canada in 2021. He is fluent in English, he’s good in French, but his native language is Darija/Arabic. I’m Canadian and speak English and French both fluently. We live in bilingual city where French and English is spoken.
I feel a bit third wheel when he speaks whenever he speak Arabic to other women. Am I the asshole for that? Is it toxic of me to feel this way?
I’m super happy to hear him speak Arabic to family, friends, co-workers and male strangers, but to women for some reasons it bothers me. Is it okay too feel this way or it’s me being too jealous?
I’m Latina/canadian so I’m used to living in a multi-language household. My dad mostly speak Spanish in his day-to-day life, but my parents communicated to each other in French. If I spoke Spanish, I wouldn’t speak Spanish to a male when my boyfriend’s next to me so he doesn’t feel left out and can participate in the convo.
Am I the asshole ?
Cant make a determination without more information. Have you asked him WHY he speaks Arabic to other women? Does he speak Arabic to other men as well?
You can FEEL whatever you want – assholery is about behaviors. This isn’t really AITA content. But I would say you’re probably feeling insecure especially if you’re fine with him speaking his language with anyone else.
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Info: Are you taking any incentives to learn his language? Or do you just believe he should only speak the ones you know and only if its to a man should he ever speak in his native tongue? Cause like if you were dating a bisexual then would you feel threatened and anxious if he also spoke to any sex in that language?
So let me get the facts straight.
You both speak French, and English, and he can speak Arabic, which you can’t.
It sounds like from what you said that he speaks Arabic to an assortment of people, not just to women.
I feel like we (redditors) need more context on the type of women he’s speaking to that makes you uncomfortable.
I fully understand and I feel that it’s valid to feel left out of something that your significant other can do, and maybe leading to you feeling threatened.
And it also seems like he speaks to women in a language you can’t understand, right in front of you.
I don’t think you’re an asshole, and that mainly is because it sounds like you haven’t done anything yet. Maybe communicate this to him? I believe in communication, and only if you think it will be received decently, I’d talk over how you feel, as it seems like it’s only certain people and that overall you seem thrilled that he gets go speak to others in his native tongue. I don’t believe it’s toxic but a valid human emotion, neither good nor bad, and just maybe talking it out and getting to the root of why you feel that way will rectify whatever the situation is.
Yes, YTA
Yes, this is based in jealousy because your primary concern is the gender of the person to whom he is speaking. You don’t like not knowing what he is saying to a woman even when you are sitting right there.
You’re not concerned about conversations he has with men in this language, only with women.
If these were internal thoughts that you were struggling with, ok.
But you mentioned in another comment that you asked him to stop. YTA, and you’re letting everyone see your insecurities
YTA for this “I’m super happy to hear him speak Arabic to family, friends, co-workers and male strangers, but to women for some reasons it bothers me.”
If you were frustrated the he was routinely having conversations around you that you couldn’t participate in that would be SO valid and I would say N T A but it’s not about that.
Yta grow up. How nice it must be for him to communicate in his childhood language to other people
YTA yes. The hell you think he’s saying to them? “Lol, that’s my gf right there, isn’t she so ugly? You’re much prettier”
YTA for being weird about him talking to anyone in his language, but especially the asshole for singling out women. If he’s the kinda guy you’re worried about saying shit like that, why are you dating him?
INFO: we need context. He says a few words in passing or as a greeting? Or he talks to a woman for an hour at a party while you stand there unable to understand? Typically it’s polite in a long convo to speak a language everyone present understands, when possible, particularly if it’s a group of just 3 people. But we really need to know more.
YTA je wants to connext with his culture. You’re pissy because he’s speaking to someone and you’re not involved. Of you’re that insecure in your relationship you shouldn’t be in it
YTA. You have some insecurity, jealousy and control issues to work on before you are ready to be in a relationship.