I’d like to start this off by saying that I am a huge fan of amusement parks. I was in Orlando for Disney and Universal with Mom, Dad, and Fiancé in February 2023 when Epic Universe was first announced. (I had asked if my brother wanted to go on the trip to Disney at the time and he said no) I am also a huge HTTYD fan, so, I’ve been very invested. I have yet to go due to scheduling, but I have still talked to my mom constantly about it since it was announced and how i wanted to set up a trip, hopefully including everybody.
My brother and I have an odd relationship. We fought a lot when we were younger, even though we are so close in age and have similar interests. He is also very closed off socially. He went to a college not far away and ended up coming back home prematurely. I left for 4 years for the military, [I would also like to insert that during this time i asked him to go on a week long trip to Disney with me for my 21st, which he did. THEN DIDN’T SPEND A SINGLE DAY WITH ME] and then came back home for a bit before getting a place of my own. Whenever I visit, which is every week, I see my brother and share small talk but nothing more really.
Getting back on topic, I was hanging out with my mom today, as we do, and she let me know that, her, my brother, and my dad (per my brother’s request), are going to Epic Universe for my brother’s 30th birthday. Keep in mind, this is after I have, fairly incessantly, gushed about how much I wanted to go and set up a trip with everyone. This was frustrating as it felt like everything I had ever said about it was just ignored. AND, to really top it off, she asked me to plan the trip because "I know all the ins and outs" 😐
I was immediately hurt but acted like it was fine because I usually get over emotional, plus my aunt was coming over and I didn’t wanna cause drama. Cried anyway. I put on a brave face and left to call fiancé. He wants me to have heart to heart with brother and find out what is wrong in our relationship…but our relationship has kinda always been rocky. Plus, I don’t even know what I can do. I’ve tried to like the same things so we can have conversations ever since we were kids and I’ve invited him on our planned trips (sometimes by my Mom’s request).
I’m just really hurt by the whole situation, I don’t even know if he has ever even mentioned Epic Universe EVER. I did talk to mom about how upset I was about it all and she doesn’t realize why im so flustered. I asked her why it had to be Epic Universe after I’ve talked so much about it and she said that the last time she remembered having fun with him was at Universal Studios (he was 11 and I was 10). To add insult to injury, she wants to stay on property, which we’ve "never got to do". Am I overreacting? My friends and fiancé seem to be on my side, but there is obviously bias there. I can see that maybe I am being selfish, but it still seems insensitive given the context for the situation.
Edit: The trip was not my brother’s idea. It was solely my mom’s idea and he had expressed no prior interest.
You are doing the planning? Add yourself to the plans.
Honestly at first I thought you were overreacting a bit because I was in the *dang, you’re almost 30, if you want to go, just go. You don’t need to go with the family.* way of thinking.
Then I kept reading….
>AND, to really top it off, she asked me to plan the trip because “I know all the ins and outs” 😐
What a way to rub it in your face with coarse sandpaper.
You’re NTA
YTA. Your brother asked for this for a milestone birthday and you are, self-admittedly, not close. It’s an amusement park and you’re a grown adult throwing a tantrum like a child. Go with your fiancé.
(Feel free to say no to planning their trip if it will too much for you to handle emotionally. Yes, that was sarcasm but actually feel free not to help plan the trip.)
You are not overreacting at all. I would feel let down by the whole family. Definitely NTA.
And do not plan the trip at all. If I were you, I also wouldn’t want to go, knowing that they didn’t want to include you. Instead, plan your own solo trip, or with your finace and no one else.
We’re a Disney family. I took a solo trip thinking I’d be sad without my family. It was amazing. I did what I wanted, when I wanted. I only had one wobble where I got sad at being without them, but that was in a spot where I remember my Dad having fun. He’s passed on, so I think I would have wobbled with family.
Go have fun without them!
NTA but dude, why are you PLANNING it. I say this with kindness: have some dignity. Don’t let them do you like that.
NTA
they can plan the trip themselves. You need to put your foot down if that’s how it’s going to be with him then make it clear you have no involvement at all.
You don’t owe them any favors. Idk him but sounds like he’s being malicious.
ESH. Your mom intentionally told you about this and asked you to plan the trip without you to get a rise out of you. If you plan it without you, she knows she can continue to treat you poorly, but if you refuse, she gets to paint you as the bad person. That being said, you are a whole grown adult. If you want to go, go on your own with your fiancé, friends, or even by yourself. While it sounds like you’d enjoy it best with your family, who clearly do not feel likewise, nothing is stopping you from going on your own. You’ll probably enjoy it more without them. It’s time you grow up and stop expecting mom and dad to take care of your amusement park trips.
YTA: You seem more upset that you don’t get to go to Epic Universe, rather than not being invited to celebrate your brother’s birthday. Like, if he were going on another trip, you wouldn’t react as strongly.
I feel like you are unfairly directing anger towards your mother. She doesn’t choose who your brother decides to celebrate his birthday with. You are two grown men; it isn’t on her to mediate your relationship.
She is insensitive for asking for your help with planning. But why would you be invited to go on a trip with someone you have a rocky relationship with?
NTA and don’t you dare plan that trip!! Plan a trip for yourself, your fiancé, and any friends you want
YTA it’s his birthday and you obviously don’t have a good relationship with him. I would definitely not plan the trip. Also just plan your own trip with your fiancée. Group trips are way less fun.
ESH. It sounds like you’re more upset about not getting to go because of the destination more than not traveling with your family. It is also pretty sucky of your mom to ask you to plan a trip that you’re not going on. Unless you’re a travel agent, that’s just rude.
Could there be something going on with your brother that merits a trip with just your parents? Or is he bankrolling the trip?
Your mother is the thoughtless one here. Not your brother.
Well, you could start by sitting down with your brother like your fiancé suggested. I’m sure you’re scared of what he’ll have to say, but won’t knowing be better than not knowing?
Don’t plan their trip for them, of course. Plan your own trip with your fiancé, without anyone from your family.