Basically, my dad has 14 self help books. Yes, 14. He buys two or three every year or so. And he has more on his kindle. He says they are good and very helpful. I’ve read 5 of them. They all have generic advice about positive reinforcement or some such or how being present in the now is important or how being quiet is a superpower. And they are not bad advice per se.
My problem is how they feel like they’re trying to sell snake oil for emotional problems. The most recent one my father bought talks about how there is a flow state and if you can unlock it you become a super successfully and happy and productive. You just have to exercise and stay hydrated and massage your Achilles tendon, and wow you’ve unlocked a flow state.
My father will be emotionally distant and then when I call him out on it he will be like I’m reading a self help book, I’ll be better. But then nothing changes so he buys another book and then another book and this keeps repeating.
So I called his self help books as useless and a waste of money, and he said that I’m just being an asshole to him because he called my video games a waste of time.
Am I just being an asshole, or am I justified in thinking self help books are not worth reading, especially 14+ of them.
Edit: I want to clarify this because a lot of people are commenting on this. I didn’t just randomly decide to diss his books. He kept bringing them up to me about how good they are and that they will help the emotional gap between us but he reads them and never does anything to bridge the gap between us. I tried to do that by introducing him to gaming, and then he called them useless. I realised I was just being spiteful about it.
YTA but that doesn’t mean you’re wrong. Once, when I was 8, I told my neighbor that “the surgeon general has determined that smoking ciagarettes is hazardous to your health.” I didn’t know what all of that meant, but I knew it meant that cigarettes were bad. I figured that the only reason my neighbor smoked was that he didn’t know cigarettes were bad. Solution: I tell him, he quits, and all is good. Real life: He said, “shut up little girl,” andI went inside and cried.
You know that the self-help books are a waste of time and money–but here’s the secret–your father does too. But he’s searching for an easy answer to his problems.
So, there is no point in saying anything, and it only serves to antagonize your dad. So, you don’t say things that antagonize people when it is unnecessary.
Soft YTA. I agree self help books are generally useless, but some of the advice can be helpful for people! It sounds like your issues with your dad may run deeper than just the books tbh
YTA. If he finds them interesting and/or useful, and it’s not harming anyone, let him enjoy his books. Their efficacy is irrelevant here, and you’re just being unnecessarily negative.
YTA
Lots of people read books that don’t solve any of their problems. Lots of people spend money on dumb shit. Try not to hyperfocus on other people acting in mildly suboptimal ways.
At least psychological snake oil is less harmful than physical snake oil…m
If there is a secondary problem (Like you trying to address an issue in your relationship and him brushing you off) address *that*. Eliminating the self help books will not actually address the secondary concern at all.
YTA for how you’re approaching the situation. Sure, self-help books are kinda useless at best and scammy at worst. But you told your dad this, he ignored you, and it sounds like you just tell him that on a regular basis. Telling someone “hey I think there’s a good chance you’re getting bad advice” once is enough, UNLESS you think he has diminished capacity or something. You made your point. Time to let it go.
YTA. My uncle always says “you don’t have to eat the whole fish.” Meaning when we go fishing we filet it. We don’t eat the head, skin, or bones but we get good nutrition anyway.
Your dad is trying to find something that works for him. It’s not harming anyone and he’s likely taking at least a little bit from each book. I agree with you about self help books in general, but they do help some people, even if it’s a sort of temporary placebo effect. You’ve made yourself heard, now let it go and let your dad take his own inner journey.
YTA
Grown ups can make their own choices where to spend their time and money on. Either self help books or video games. Even if you are right that these books don’t make a difference, your father is enjoying them and thinks he is improving himself.
Also I don’t know what diffenence these books make. Some advice will be usefull, some won’t.
YTA
YTA. Your dad is trying that is more than a lot of people. Many people also go to therapy and say they will do what the therapist tells them and then don’t follow through. Changing is complex and hard. I think of the smoking ad “never quit quitting.” Give your Dad a break.
YTA What were you trying to achieve? Your father enjoys working on self improvement. Why does that bother you? I don’t see how it affects you in any way.
Yta
YTA
He enjoys reading them. Let him read them and stop being an AH.
YTA but not a major A. Yes, self help books are often nonsense, but he’s enjoying them. And two or three self help books a year is next to nothing. If he were buying two or three a week, it might be more concerning.
Maybe step back from policing his reading.
With lack of context I would say YTA, I don’t know the extent of your fathers toxicity but it seems like hes trying and atleast aware he has bad traits which already is better than many.
For some self help books seem really generic but for others they are more motivating than teaching new life lessons, hearing other stories about how they used to be a certain way but then when really applied the generic advice they actually saw a difference.
When I was depressed I used to get annoyed at the “drink water, sleep 8 hours & exercise” advice cause its so generic but the real hard pill to swallow is that there is a lot of truth in it. Once I got medicated and I felt good enough to start doing all of that and suddenly my life was much better, as annoying as it was to admit they were right. Thats what self help books are.