So i f(20) have a group of friends, some of them i knew before college some of them i met there. Theres around 10 of us and we were planing a nye party.
So we were planing a houseparty type celebration some games, some music, some alcohol nothing special, we just didnt know where and i mentioned that ill check in with my bf (20) who is also my roomate and get back to them and that we will take care of the drinks and food bc were the only ones that have a car.
Few days later i see they made a gc and started planing the food, the cooking, the games, and i didnt really like that bc i never got back to them about having the party at my flat. I really didnt like that so i told them that we cannot have a party at my house so they started looking for other places, ive sent numerous offers and non of them ever came back to me they just ignored it at hope i change my mind.
Around 10 days before nye my friends (D and J) decide that they will host the party and lay out their rules( no music after 12, playing board games instead of "partying") which im fine with their house their rules but i wasnt feeling it and i told them right away i will not be coming and they said its okay bcs another friend is also not coming.
So i ask my bf and another friend (B) will they go and they said no so i asked them if they just wanna have a night at our place just the 3 of us. Our other 2 friends (M and E) didnt like their party either so they joined us. We told them we wont be coming (9-7 days before) and my friend (B) told them we will be at his house.
Nye passed and they didnt really talk to us so i texted to see was there a problem. They told me there is and that they thought it was maybe personal which i explained that it isnt and we just wanted to celebrate diffrently and they said its okay and that well go get coffee soon and talk about it.
Now its been like 2 months and they are acting like we are the spawn of satan himself for deciding to go somewhere else (and no they dont think its personal or anyting they just think were lying because i said we decided on the 24th but someone else told them we decided on 22nd of december and that we are genuenly lying about everything)
Ive known some of those people (hosts) for over 3 years and my bf and friend (E) have known them since elementary school and im really sad to see our friendship fall apart because of a nye party when it was okay for the friend (Z and S) to not come but not for us.
I appologized and we all did but they are still acting like this so i just wanna see a different perspective because to me this seems like such a small thing to have so much fuss about since they were not alone (there was 7-8 people celebrating there) and we all told them on time and where we will be.
So am i the asshole?
EDIT: I did not host "my party" the friend (B) hosted it if that changes anything
**EDIT 2: I did not come here to be a victim and to say im right i understand why would that hurt or annoy someone, im here to see peoples perspective bcs they are not mad at Z and S who ALSO "blew them of" for another party but they are at us bcs we also went to someone elses party and i wanna see if people think this is a noemal thing to end a friendship over in your grown age bcs to me its such a small thing and PLEASE resd the story acctually before commenting.**
So you did a soft agree, and said you would take care of food and drinks but wanted to talk to your boyfriend, then you got moody and uninvited them all, then you invited half of them when someone else stepped up. Yes YTA. And you sound pretty flakey too.
Yta
You agreed. Especially bc you said youd handle getting food/drinks. If id heard what you said about “I’ll host lemme ask the bf” id assume you were just nailing down specifics like timing.
Plus it’s a dick move to say that you don’t wanna host. Hear the alternate plan and then host anyone (even just one person) bc you don’t like the plan.
thank you for the reply!! but ive seen people talking in comments about me getting food and drinks but when they were planing it (at my house still) they decided they will do it all themselves in my house so i didnt really asume there would be a problem to do it in their own, but i didnt really think like this so ty!
YTA. You originally gave them the idea of possibly hosting, then completely cancelled, then still hosted anyways but left people out. It’s super shady, and if I was your friend I would think this is incredibly rude.
thank you for the reply!! i needed to edit the post bc i did not host the other party my other friend did bc he also didnt like their plans
I don’t really understand what you are asking.
Changing your plans as not going to their place or as inviting people to yours?
Your friend is probably not upset because you changed your plans but because you told them that you cannot host the party and then proceeded to invite people to your place anyway.
We cannot know for sure why your so-called friends are upset. We don’t really know what they know or think but people are allowed to have their own emotions. Even if on paper you haven’t done anything wrong then their perception of you as a friend might have changed. Perhaps they felt hurt or excluded and you simply cannot convince them to like you again. It happens to people in their 20s all the time because everyone is changing in different directions and thus friends-friendships change as well.
You are just overthinking it.
i did not host the other party. And yes i do see their side of corse im fine if they do not wanna be friends anymore life happens im not mad at that. Im just wondering if we are the problem bc two month passed and im still hearing “updates” on a stupid situation thank you for commenting!!
> So i ask my bf and another friend (B) will they go and they said no so i asked them if they just wanna have a night **at our place** just the 3 of us. Our other 2 friends (M and E) didnt like their party either so they joined us.
It sounds like you decided that five of you will be at your house.. so technically you hosting some people.
And then your friend B told these other friends that he is hosting:
> We told them we wont be coming (9-7 days before) and my friend (B) **told them we will be at his house**.
english is not my 1st language so im very sorry for the mistake!! but i did ask (B) if he wants to spend the night with me and my bf and then he decided to host at his house and ask E and M
YTA I can see why they are annoyed with you. You said you would host, never followed up with anyone, and when they started doing the work to plan you got huffy about it and canceled. Then you declined to go to the party that got planned instead, and ended up having your own thing at your own house with some of the group. To me if the friendship and the friend group is important, you should’ve all gone to the party that got planned after you canceled your original one.
YTA – Let me get this straight. You basically agreed to host the party and just had to check with your boyfriend, and didn’t mention in your post that your boyfriend had any issue with it.
A FEW DAYS PASS, during which you don’t communicate with them at all about “checking with your boyfriend WHO YOU LIVE WITH”, so they assume (like literally all normal people would) that he is okay with it and start planning the details.
You then get mad???? that they assumed your inability to communicate was a yes, and decide to just tell them you can’t host??????? Even though you can?????
You then get even more mad that they don’t agree with your suggestions for a new venue?????
Then somebody else steps up and decides to host. And you say you don’t like the new plans and don’t want to attend. Which is fine, despite the fact you were obviously acting out of spite.
Then you talk with a bunch of those friends behind the scenes, and make new plans to hang out separately on that date????
And a WEEK before new years you tell them you can’t go because you decided to make plans with HALF the party to hang out somewhere else without inviting the rest of them?????
Not only are you the asshole, but you’re genuinely an asshole, and the fact that you had to ask reddit if you did anything wrong here means you seriously lack self-awareness.