Note: The start of this story was back in 2021. I am 32m, brother is 29m, Emily is 25f as of 2025
The first time I met my younger brother’s fiancée (21f at the time), they were meeting my parents for the first time as well. They came down to my parents’ lake house in 2019 for my brother to introduce her (let’s call her Emily). Immediately, I heard her yelling at him because she didn’t want his help for whatever reason and wanted to do it herself (already do not view her in the kindest of lights). My wife and I asked them if they would like to go jet skiing so we can have some fun and get to know each other alone on the lake. We ride, stop, and chat. Emily asks my wife (who has a tattoo on each thigh) if my parents ever mention them, do to my parents’ religious beliefs. My wife responds, "Not anymore." As we are respectful, she covered up the tattoos until we discussed them with my parents, and enough time passed that it was acceptable. Emily then responds, "I dare them to say something about my tattoos, I’ll cuss them out."
Awesome first impression!
Now we jump to late 2021, I am a groomsman for his upcoming wedding. Everyone, and I mean EVERYONE, doesn’t have nice things to say about Emily. My grandmother said to me days prior, "I wish he weren’t marrying her." To which I replied, "I know, Grandma. But we at least have to be happy for him." This broke me. For years, I have heard how his friends don’t hang out with him. His best man (also best friend) doesn’t want to be near her because she is toxic. I confront my wife to see if I should talk to him about it. I’m visibly scared of the repercussions. We decided that his best man and I would take him to a cigar bar two days before the wedding to voice our concerns. Looking back, it was sort of an ambush because he was locked in the truck with us. I did the classic, "Hey, don’t take offense" tactic and prefaced that the things we are about to say are not the best things to say about your soon-to-be wife.
We discuss what others have been saying about her. The best man expresses how they were practically brothers, but Emily has driven a wedge between them and is very unwelcoming to him and his other friends (I want to point out my brother lived with my parents, going to school, when he became super depressed, quit school, and inevitably moved back to where we used to live to be around his friends.) I talked about how many members of our family find her very immature and disrespectful (I have never told him what our grandma said). Obviously, this made the car ride to and fro very uncomfortable. He didn’t really say anything (Typical of him. He is the kind of person to never speak up and just…..never talk about it ever).
The wedding happened. They placed my parents to the side of the groom’s party table, and my older brother (also a groomsman) voiced his concerns to her, and she violently shouted at him and kicked him out. She also told my wife not to be pregnant at the wedding.
So…..AITAH
ESH. Bad behavior all around. For instance, “my older brother (also a groomsman) voiced his concerns to her”—at the wedding? Really?
My parents were close to the bathrooms off to the side while her parents were in the middle facing the groom and party so he politely whispered to her while we were all eating and she blew up. Asking why is our parents not sitting up front next to her parents. Dumb either way, I just thought it was funny she just lost her shit instead of saying, “we can talk about this later”
You misunderstand. OP is saying his older brother voiced his concerns that the groom’s parents were seated by the groomsman’s table and not at the main table with the bride and groom where her parents were probably seated.
NTA. The fact that your brother didn’t say much when you held your intervention tells me that he is not the sort to assert himself, which makes him a ripe target for exploitation and abuse in relationships. Besides, if all of you were wrong about her, he’d have argued and defended her to the death. He has to know on some level that she is toxic and abusive. I suspect that he is afraid of being unloved, so he is willing to put up with her behavior. You did the right thing. You opened that door, but it’s on him to walk through it. He just needs to know that he is worth more than the way she treats him. You all need to remind him of that every day of his marriage until she changes for the better (unlikely) or he leaves her.
NTA for (pre-wedding) voicing your concerns. But he married her, so now it’s time to either let it go or distance yourself.
As for your post, i got lost in your last paragraph. your older brother voiced his concerns to her? You mean the bride? And she violently shouted at him? So that’s the bride again? Then she told my wife not to be pregnant? What does that mean? Who is pregnant? And what does that matter? And what does it matter where your parents were sat? Were they a part of any of this confrontation?
That bit got weird for me too. The only part I could make any sense of was “Then she told my wife not to be pregnant at her wedding.” I am assuming that meant IF the bride was pregnant, to not announce it at the wedding. I would understand that a bit, to be fair. I think its tacky to make huge announcements like that at weddings unless okayed by the bride and groom. Like.. its their day. I know some people wouldn’t mind, but I’ve seen SO many people get upset about it.
Edit- Apparently, their parents were sat by the groomsmen near the bathroom instead of at the table with the bride, groom and HER parents. That’s what the oldest brother was expressing his concern for, not the bride.
You tell us about 2019
Kinda messy
You tell us about 2021
An unresolved and probably too late intervention. And a very confused wedding
But it’s 2025. More than 4 years since the last difficult moment.
Where’s the problem?
Where indeed. What a confusing read for what seems like a non-issue
YTA unless they actually ever do break up you just ruined your relationship with your brother. lol good job
NTA she sounds like a piece of work that you need to reevaluate if you can handle having a relationship with your brother now
yta you knew, yet waited.
*Hey don’t take offense . . .*
Code for “I am about to offend you.”
Most of us know that & get our defenses up.
Your brother never needed you to tell him anything; he knows he married a shrew.