I never thought I would see the day I actually post here, but here we are Lol. I (F17) am a first year college student, just a couple classes at a local community college- not full time, and received a grant for student aid to cover the costs, as well as a refund check for a bit more than $1000 which is to arrive in the coming weeks. When I showed my father the email the school sent to double check that there weren’t any extra steps (didn’t wanna get arrested for like tax fraud or anything, since I wasn’t 100% sure how it works). He said no, before sitting me down and explaining how the family needed to pay my grandma back several thousand dollars and that the check that was going to arrive for me wouldn’t actually end up in my account.
For context: Last semester I was attending a different college across the country full time, which my grandma so humbly gave a bunch of money to help cover the costs of a full year of tuition. (Which was given to my father who decided to handle all financial related things, so I never saw the money nor the amount) But due to medical reasons, I left after one semester to move back home and decided to cut my work load to just the few classes I have now.
Now, I wouldn’t say my family is well off, I’ve always been aware we didn’t have a lot of money, but I never thought it was too bad because my mum would still spend a couple hundred a year to take me and my siblings to conventions, and similar type events. So, when my father said that they had to pay my grandma back, because the money she lent only went to a full semester instead of the full year- the money that would’ve gone to the second semester I didn’t attend has to be paid back. But if my father got all of it at once, then I don’t know where the rest of it went and why he can’t pay it back, much less why he has to use my student aid check for it. I didn’t say anything at the time of the conversation because I was just left speechless, but after sleeping on it I’ve just had a lot of conflicting feelings. I know money is important and the city I live isn’t cheap in any sense, much less for my family who already isn’t well off, but I don’t like having to hand over my entire check. I feel guilty for feeling this way, but it felt like I was blindsided out of nowhere. There were also just little comments that he made that make it sound like he’s sympathetic for me, such as "I know it sucks not having a lot of money." but it just made me feel worse and I can’t tell if I’m over reacting and just being a spoiled brat for not wanting to help my family.
So, AITAH?
NTA the money that was meant to be used on your school should have been returned as soon as it became clear it wasnt going to be used for the purpose it was intended. Sounds to me like he wants you to pay back the money that was meant for you, but that he used for something else.
NTA if he was given all the money at once he shouldve been able to pay it back to your grandma as soon as you left so the fact he didnt and left himself in this position is truly his own fault…he dosnt know how to handle money; that shouldnt be youre problem
NTA. You are legally obligated to spend that funding you received to cover the cost of your education. That is tuition, books, food, transportation, pens, internet, and not anything else. Don’t dip into fraud. \*\*Using the money for something else **could be considered a breach of contract**.\*\* Also, consider future costs. You might not be spending it all now, but tuition costs go up often each year, some classes require more books or more expensive books than others etc.
NTA: that’s your money. Them springing this on you out of the blue is suss as hell.
If you’re getting a grant, it should go towards the intended purpose, paying your school expenses.
If you’re getting a refund for expenses already paid, should that money go to whoever paid the expenses? (And I mean directly to grandma, not through your dad.)
You’re NTA but your dad has my eyebrows raised.
NTA. Call your grandma. Something is fishy with this.
NTA
Can you see if the check could be sent to your college somehow instead of your home? Might check with the finance department. In all honesty, I would be checking the mail and snagging it ASAP otherwise. My guts tell me that your dad received more money than you needed and spent it on other things. I wouldn’t trust him with money.
Just checked, and apparently it has already been mailed. But it’s getting sent to the P.O box which I don’t have a key to. Sometimes my parents will wait in the car while myself or my siblings borrow the key to run in and get the mail though. I guess I’ll just have to rush to volunteer to be the one to do it. (assuming that happens)
you need more information. contact your grandmother and tell her this money is intended towards college expenses. your father may be overly generous in giving back the money and maybe your grandmother does not think that you need it. either she is in fiananical distress and needs the money or she does not know your finanacial position and thinks she is just getting paid back. I think your father is being extreme to insist on paying back your grandmother. I am a grandmother who is helping support my grandchildren through university. I will not take money from them if I dont need it.
You don’t have to accept the refund. Ask them to lower your loan amount by 1000
NTA. That’s YOUR financial aid. Incredibly kind of your grandmother to help cover the cost of tuition, by the way. Being an adult myself, I can understand your father’s POV of wanting to pay your grandmother back- especially if your family isn’t well off; I get it, the situation is stressful. However, it’s not your responsibility, nor your fault if the money that was given for YOUR TUITION was not used for YOUR TUITION. You were not the one handling the financials. His actions in being (and apologies for being blunt here) financially irresponsible are his responsibilities to deal with, not his literal minor child’s.
The lack of communication about this from him is also a red flag- why did he not communicate the situation sooner to you? My suspicion is because your grandma doesn’t know he used the money for something else, which- being dishonest about the purposes you’re using money for that is lent to you (especially in large amounts) is a HUGE red flag for me. Some parents like to call and label their children as spoiled in these situations because it’s easier than admitting to their own faults. I just call that bad parenting. (i mean that with all due respect to your father, btw, since i don’t know the guy.)
edited to fix some sentences to make more sense!
NTA, dad spent the other half.
NTA – Something is fishy here. Ask your grandmother how much money she gave to your dad for your schooling. And then ask the school how much was paid for that one semester on your behalf. If there was money left over from your grandmother, then your dad should have money to pay her back. If he spent it on something else, that’s on him.
As soon as you turn 18, start handling all of your finances yourself. Get your own bank account. If you can’t trust having stuff sent to your home address, then get your own PO box. Or go to the school to pick it up directly.
NTA. Dad sounds very sus in this whole thing, you should give grandma a call and figure out exactly what’s happening here.