Hi everyone. My partner’s mom smokes inside her home. Usually she stops doing it a week before the holidays but the house and all of our clothes will reek of cigarette smoke regardless. Am I the asshole because I don’t want to be subjected to third hand smoke? (Third hand smoke is the chemical residue left over on walls and furniture from smoking cigarettes inside).
protecting your health from third-hand smoke is way more important than pleasing your partner’s mom.
nta
Absolutely NTA. I am a former smoker who never smoked in the house because that sh*t is nasty. Stay somewhere without the brown walls and stink.
NTA. Wanting to avoid a smoky house is totally reasonable, third-hand smoke is gross and hard to escape. Your boundaries are valid.
NTA. Get a hotel or AirBNB. I couldn’t handle being in a house like that even if no one was actively smoking.
NTA. Just get a hotel room and visit without staying there. Like this “Thanks so much for offering to host us, but we prefer to have our own space. We’ll find a place closeby so we can spend lots of time together!” That’s it, no need for drama. If you MUST give any more explanation (which I don’t think you should have to), then just say you are very sensitive to cigarette smoke in fabrics and such, even when it’s not recent.
NTA!
Do not stay in her home. If you and partner want to see her, stay in a hotel. She can come visit you at the hotel/you all can meet at restaurants for meals. Partner can visit solo, too.
And, of course, partner’s mom can come to your town, too.
NTA my inlaws smoke in their house and try to say since it’s only in one room it doesn’t matter, but my clothes always reek after I leave their house, even if I’m in there less than an hour. It’s annoying to have to deal with.
NTA. We only visit my mother’s home in the summer because we cannot handle the smell of old stale smoke that permeates everything. Even when we only walk through the house to the backyard we leave smelling.
Edited to add we do not stay in her house, only a hotel
NTA at all. You could do an accommodation, stay in a hotel nearby and visit during the day. That will minimize the amount of third-hand smoke you’re exposed to, but I would also understand not being able to tolerate any amount of third-hand smoke. It’s gross.
I did not know that was a thing, like theres a name. I quit years ago. I can’ handle that shit in my hair. I don’t think your an asshole. I wont stay there. lol
Get a hotel room or invite her to visit or maybe everyone can meet at a resort or something
Asshole? Idk. But yeah, you’re being dramatic. Just don’t go, it’ll be great for the relationship.
NTA, cigarette smokers never fully comprehend how gross cigarettes are to non smokers.
Even if there is no physical risk, it stinks.
She stops smoking inside a week before you get there? I have a bridge to sell you.
Besides, she still smokes and it lingers on her. No way to get rid of it.
NTA. I would try to find a compromise, but still, she’s going to have smoke residue on her regardless of what you come up with. And she’s going to resent having to do anything that restricts her ‘right’ to smoke.