I [29M] live in Brazil and recently met a tourist [36M] from Germany at a bar. We got along well and started chatting on Instagram afterwards.
A few days later he mentioned he was going to a PJ Morton concert in a small jazz club. He said something like “I have two tickets, I asked a friend, if he doesn’t want to join would you be interested?”
Later he also said things like “Would you like to take the ticket?” and “Worst case you would take the ticket and maybe find someone else to go with.”
At no point did he mention any price or say “I’m selling you this ticket” or “you would pay your ticket.” To me it sounded like he had already bought both tickets and was inviting someone to use the extra one.
He was in another city and was unsure if he would come back to my city for the concert or stay there longer. I encouraged him to come because I thought it would be fun to go together. Again, there was never any mention of money.
On the day of the concert he came back, we had dinner, then went to the show. At the venue I paid for two Aperol spritzes for us (about BRL$80–85 total). He ordered his own caipirinha on his tab. The concert was nice, but I didn’t know the artist beforehand, it was much more his thing than mine.
Just to add some context to the vibe of the night: when we first met at the bar there wasn’t a clear “date” vibe, and even with our messages I wasn’t sure if he saw this as a date or just two people hanging out. He sometimes sounded a bit warm over text, but in person he was quite reserved. At the venue he ordered himself a caipirinha without offering to share or asking if I wanted something. During the show he got up from our assigned table and stood in the aisle filming near the stage, even after staff asked him to sit down again. He kept arguing for long minutes with them about it and another guest nearby even asked if they could be quiet somewhere else. All of that already made the experience uncomfortable for me on top of the later ticket issue.
After the show, when we were leaving and paying our tabs, he suddenly asked if I had Wise (an international payment app). I asked why and he said it was so I could send him the money for my ticket. Then he told me the price: BRL$250 (about US$50) for my ticket alone.
For context, that’s a lot of money for me right now and I never would have gone if I had known the price beforehand. I honestly thought it was a friendly invitation and that he had just decided to use his extra ticket with me instead of his other friend.
I was caught off guard, embarrassed and didn’t have any way to pay him in cash at that time of night. I told him I’d think about it and later messaged him explaining that I had understood it as an invitation, that I’m not in a good financial situation, and that if I’d known the price I wouldn’t have gone. I offered to send him BRL$100 as a contribution, because that’s truly the maximum I can afford without messing up my budget.
He hasn’t replied yet. Now I’m anxious wondering if I completely misunderstood or if he should have been clearer. Where I’m from, if someone expects you to pay for a ticket, they usually mention the price and ask if it’s okay before buying.
AITA for not wanting to pay the full BRL$250 and only offering BRL$100 after the concert?
NTA. Given your description of the interactions, he invited you. If he expected you to pay for the ticket, he should have said so ahead of time. You are generous in offering anything.
NTA. He’s trying to trick you.
With what I’ve heard about Germans, it seems reasonable that this dude didn’t know there was an expectation that he would be giving away a ticket to someone he just met.
Germans seem like the entire country is mildly autistic and I mean that with all love. Great people. Great engineers. Terrible at reading social cues from different cultures.
NTA. In Germany, it would’ve been heavily implied that you’d pay for your ticket yourself, which is probably why he didn’t mention it explicitly. It probably was just an unfortunate misunderstanding/miscommunication
Then why didn’t he offer to refund the drink cost?
NTA. He never told you there was a cost, his wording sounded like an invitation, and asking for money after the concert is on him. You explained the misunderstanding and even offered R$100, which is more than fair. If he’s bothered by that, that’s his issue, not yours.
NTA think it’s a cultural miscommunication as he didnt explicitly invite you but rather asked if you would be interested in the ticket or want to take the ticket, he never invited you to have the ticket, this is a clear distinction in Germany.
I live in Berlin and if someone had asked me as he did you I would expect to pay. If someone told me that they were inviting me I would not expect to pay. For example if a friend asks me if I am interested in joining them for dinner at a restaurant I would expect to pay. If someone told me they were inviting me for dinner I would expect them to pay.
Thanks, this is really helpful to read. I’m from Brazil and here if someone has already bought the tickets and doesn’t mention any cost, we usually read it as a real invitation, not “do you want to buy this from me?”.
So when he said “I have two tickets, would you be interested in the ticket?” I honestly thought he was inviting me to use the spare one, not that I’d be paying for it. It’s interesting to see how in Germany that wording would normally mean you expect the other person to pay, the cultural difference explains a lot of the miscommunication here.
Don’t give him any money. He travels in a country where the average salary is clearly lower than in his country. And as a traveler in another continent, he probably earns more than the average salary in germany. If he expected money, he should have checked first if the price was something you could pay. You buy him a drink (that he didn’t offer to pay back). That’s enough.