I 18m don’t want to go down to Tennessee to visit my family this thanksgiving. There are multiple reasons for my extreme disinterest of seeing my family. For one the drive it the fastest it would take five hours of driving to just reach Tennessee and then another hour to reach there city not even in including traffic. Unfortunately for the past six months I’ve been having car issue so I’d be forced to ride with my aunt and uncle and her three kids already a bad sign for me. Then the day before thanksgiving giving the socializing, the children, the cleaning, the cooking, to me it’s exhausting to repeat the same dialogue over and over to people I hardly know. I want to make some things clear I do love my family and miss them I haven’t seen them since I’ve graduated this may, but overall I’m not interested in the shenanigans. Now this part maybe the most selfish but I want to stay here and spend time with my friends who I also haven’t seen since the semester started. And I’d also like to spend time with family up here especially since we just lost so many relatives on this side of my family this year. Plus I feel more at easy with them. Overall I just need strangers on the internets opinions on an issue I’m overthinking in my head. Sorry if there are any grammatical errors.
NTA. I would just say that you have plans closer to home this year but that hopefully your car is in working order for next year.
I am sorry not going to be able to make it this year. Problem solved. If pushed. Just tested positive for Covid..
NTA. You’re not a little child required to come to the family table every time someone calls out for you. Still, rather than just flatly refusing to go, you might make things easier for everyone (especially yourself) by framing an excuse, preferably true: you’re tired from your semester; you have academic obligations such as making progress on a semester project or working on a course that’s giving you trouble. You don’t have to say “Sorry but I’d rather hang with my friends than with you folks.” You’re in the process of establishing yourself as an independent adult, still connected to family but not necessarily bending the knee to their every desire. Go for it.
NTA because Tennessee is one of the worst states out there.
Lived in Tennessee. Can confirm.
NTA, you can do what you want. Your actions will have consequences. If your family feels some type of way they have right to do just like you have to right to decline going.
NTA. The older you get, the easier it is to say no without an explanation, or care how others interpret your decision.
NTA
Don’t put energy into people who don’t make you happy. Whatever the reason is, whether you even consciously know the reason or not, you don’t need to be around people who don’t lift you up.
All these “family is family” or “actions have consequences” comments…. Those are the “keep the peace” and “put up with your toxic relatives” people. Don’t cater to toxic shit because you share DNA.
Family is what you make of it.
If you’re dreading it, don’t go.
You’re perfectly within your rights to decide for yourself how you want to celebrate holidays or not. I’d go with wanting to see the other side of the family who suffered some losses.
Being with friends might not be the lead. Depends on how accepting the relatives you care about are.
When I was 19, I chose to celebrate a “friendsgiving” with four other people, and I was only 45 minutes away. My folks were laid back and told my siblings and I that they’ll have their dinner and hope we can all join, but completely fine if we made other plans. Maybe not the norm.
NTA
Stay home and video call the relatives on Thursday.
NTA. You’re an adult and you’re entitled to go wherever you want for Thanksgiving. Just explain very kindly that you aren’t able to make it this year.