I (23M) swear my family has decided that because I’m the youngest adult, I automatically know how to fix everything. Not just tech EVERYTHING. Last week my cousin (26F) called saying her phone “won’t turn on.” I told her to hold the power button. She said, “I did.” I get there… she held the volume button for 20 minutes straight.
While I’m fixing that, my aunt(44F) goes, “Since you’re already here, can you help me with my laptop? It’s not working.” She had the charger plugged into the wall but not the laptop. Then my mom(58F) pops her head in like, “Can you set up my new Roku real quick?” Real quick = 45 minutes of her asking why everything needs a password.
At this point I told them, “I don’t mind helping sometimes, but y’all call me for every little thing. I can’t keep driving over here every day for problems y’all can Google.”
They all got offended immediately. My aunt said I “changed.” My cousin said I “don’t care about family.” My mom said I “always have an attitude when people ask for help.” My grandma hit me with the classic: “You young folks think you too good for your own family.”
Now apparently I’m selfish because I drew a boundary. I told them I’ll help with real problems, but not constant emergencies that aren’t emergencies. Now everyone’s passiveaggressive and my mom said, “Don’t worry, I’ll just wait until YOU feel like helping,” which somehow feels worse.
NTA. It’s not your problem to fix their stupidity. If you leave them with their basic problems for long enough they’ll figure it out on their own
NTA – I thought I was reading my daily journal or something. This was me for the longest time. I tried the same thing then got the “well I thought you’d like to help me but I guess not.”
NTA. No is a complete sentence.
Dude. Stop picking up their calls. Wait a few hours, then text them, saying you’re about to jump in the car (or whatever) and can only talk for one minute.
Leave a business card for the local “Geek Squad” on the coffee table next time you leave.
Let them experience real “pay to play” tech (LOL) support.
After they pay for a call-out or two, they might actually respect your time a bit more.
NTA my 73 y/o mom knows how to use Google and youtube to figure stuff out. If that doesn’t work THEN she will ask for help.
I’ve had to do the same thing with family. I’ve shown them a number of times how to Google their problems and figure out the solutions, and then started asking them to Google it before calling me. It took a couple of years but eventually it worked out.
It’s annoying to have to drive back and forth to fix small problems. But it sounds like they had you drive there once and had you “fix” a lot of saved up problems. Or is this just an example?
And does your mom live with your aunt and cousin? It seems like everyone’s in one house.
NTA, but give the same energy. Cooking something? Ask them to come over and show you. Needing to pay a bill? You don’t know how to write a check (don’t matter if you don’t need to pay by check). Rip in your clothes? You need someone to sew them.
NTA. After I had to spend two hours fighting for my life to turn on the goddamn new TV with my mom constantly complaining how “there is so much to do” and “she just wanted to watch her soap operas” I am 100% on your side.
NAH
As the designated family fixer, I get your frustration. But I there was a better way to speak to your family that could have avoided all of this.
You did try to set a boundary but didn’t actually go about it in the best way. You wound up snapping at them in frustration instead.
A boundary would be telling them that you will not be coming over whenever they call. You will be coming over when you are available (or on XYZ days or whatever works for you). Waiting won’t kill them. Or saying that you won’t make the drive over until they’re tried troubleshooting the problem first independently.
I cut that off ages ago to avoid the situation you are now in NTA. I started by telling my parents to take their stuff into a shop for repairs instead of asking me how to fix stuff long distance that I knew they would be incapable of doing
NTA. But this is ***your*** fault. You have trained them to act this way. Now you have to undo that by refusing to help. Yes, refusing! “I told them I’ll help with real problems.” No. Do yourself a favor. Stop being Mr Fix It. Now. Look at the thanks you get. If they want an answer, they can Google it. If they can’t manage that, maybe they’re OK without their tech toys. None of this is your problem unless you make it yours, so stop doing that already.
NTA. Time to suddenly become incompetent.
“Why won’t my phone turn on?”
“I dunno, best of luck.”
“What’s wrong with my laptop?”
“Not sure, hope you figure it out.”
“Can you set up my Roku?”
“Sure, if you tell me what to do. Maybe try reading the instructions on the screen? No, it’s not safe for me to know all your passwords.”