I (f16) was upset because my sister (f14) went out to her boyfriends party on my birthday. Her boyfriends birthday is a day before mine. His family celebrated on my birthday (not blaming him or his family, he is just a part of the story, he is at no fault. ) I had my birthday at home because we didnt have a lot of money, and my sister went out on my birthday to his party and spent 50+ dollars and her boyfriend bought her presents on his birthday. She came home and had a giant lobster plush and a few more things. I got nothing for my birthday. I told her the night before, i was upset about it because she was leaving and going to go out on my birthday, and abaondon me. I have no friends, i dont even have a phone. She also had the whole day on my birthday about her last year. We went to the mall and she brought her friend that she knows i dont like. And then, they ignored me the entire time, and was rude. I have a picture on my camera of me trying to take a picture with my sister, her friend and my other sister and they are all gathered in a huddle, 5 feet away from me, while i was trying to take a picture with them. She makes my birthday about her in some way shape or form. She got a ipad and money for her birthday, I got nothing. I felt like she was being selfish. She said that i just didnt want her to spend time with her boyfriend and that I wanted the whole day to be about me.
Your parents are the issue here
how so?
I think you’re conflating a lot of issues here, and it seems to me that your parents are the actual issue here.
A teenager prioritising their boyfriend’s party over a dinner at home with their sibling is pretty standard behaviour tbh. Most teens prioritise their boyfriends.
I think you’re relying on her a lot; you say you have no friends, no phone – that’s not on her and she can’t be the one person you go to for friendship and support. You deserve more than one person!
I’m interested in what your parents are playing at:
‘She got a ipad and money for her birthday, I got nothing’
Why didn’t they get you anything?? That’s nothing to do with your sister; this is your parents’ behaviour and it’s concerning.
Can you arrange to celebrate with your sister on a different date?
they didnt get me anything because were ”shoort on money” which, we are, and I had the choice to go out or stay home and I chose to stay home so that we could save money, on her birthday we went out and ate (WITH HER BOYFRIEND) and her birhtday is 8 days before mine.
Yea your parents are the problem.
I totally get why you’d feel jealous of your sister. I would too – she gets the ipad, the dinner with the boyfriend- and your parents did eff all for you. I get that they’re short on money, and that’s really hard, but they have to acknowledge that it’s resulted in you being treated unfairly. And her birthday is only 8 days before your birthday…at best, I’m unimpressed with their financial planning. At worst, I’m disgusted by their blatant favouritism.
I don’t think your sister is the AH here. I don’t think you are either, to be clear.
Hey girlie pop.
Why don’t you have any of your own friends? Let’s work through that. Also, why aren’t your Mom and Dad doing anything for your birthday?
You said your sister spent $50 on him. Does she have a job? Or are mom and dad footing the bill for presents?
It’s really hard when you want to be closer to a sibling and they don’t reciprocate that interest. A lot of media will make it seem like you’re “bad” if you don’t have close relationships with your siblings. I’m in my 30s. I’m not close at all to either of my sisters. (Much like you and your sisters, I really wanted a close relationship with them but they didn’t want with me. Our parents still try to force me to make gestures toward my sisters and I’ve been very clear I’m no longer interested. I spent 30 years being the Cinderella in my family, bending over backwards to try and be friends with my sisters and it just never happened.)
You cannot force a relationship. With anyone. People who want to have a relationship with you will put in the effort.
Maybe like me you had to babysit your younger sisters a lot and you dedicated a lot of your early life to taking care of them. But you’re 16. You can start making friends that have nothing to do with your sisters. Get a part time job. Join clubs at school. Be a good friend to people who seem lonely.
Most of my really close friends now are people who I collected over the years because we had an interest in common. Or we both seemed socially awkward at an event so I went over to them and made a joke about how we were now best friends. (This works especially well on the first day of school or the first day at a new job.)
Try to be the kind of person that you’d want to be friends with. That’s the fastest way to attract friends.
And if your sisters wise up to how awesome you are? Great! If they don’t? Your life will be so full and happy you will not care.
My sisters are both pretty miserable people who drive everyone away due to their narcissism. Meanwhile I have lots and lots of friends and four really close female friends who are better than sisters. (One just had her first baby and gave me a sweater yesterday that says “Mom’s Best Friend is My Favorite Auntie.)
Happy Birthday. I’m sorry your family didn’t make it special for you. But you’re still special.
NAH.
I’m homeschooled, my mom and dad say they cant trst me to have a job because their worried about me doing something. What am I gonna do? I dont know. I try to join rec sports but i just miraculously miss the sign up period. I’m still basicilly in quarantine. there has been no change in my life since covid.
Why is your sister treated differently?
because she plays sports, shes skinny, she gets good grades, she goes to public school, shes in beta club, shes blond, shes pretty, she has her shit together because she was never forced to be a maid in her own house.
Hey, you’ve got to start making a plan and stop letting your parents opinion of you define you. In two years you’re gonna be an adult and you won’t have any skills to leave. You need to leave as soon as you can. Get a job that you can walk to. Save your money somewhere they can’t touch it.
i live in bfe, the only job i’m gonna get is cleaning my rich ass neghbors house that is kinda a creep and also they already have someone cleaning
For the actual title YTA. I have 3 kids all pretty close in age. Once they hit their teens birthdays were no longer family events. They wanted to be with their friends. As they got older (all now in their 20s) they’ve reverted back naturally to it being a family thing again. Mind you it still may be celebrated on a different day.
You have a parent problem. If money is an issue it was up to them to allot so much for her birthday and so much for yours.
As for the home schooling I’m not sure what can be done about that. Your 16 so there might be laws about whether you can make a decision about attending a public school. The sports sign up sucks but that would be open to the public so you should be able to find that out yourself.
NAH
Sorry for what you are going through but it seems you depend too much on your sister emotionally. She is acting like s normal teenager who has a boyfriend would act.
it would have been lovely if she had wanted to stay back and celebrate your bd. But if you had wanted her to be there so much you coild have celebrated with her at a time that works for both of you. I know you wanted her to choose you, but at her sacrifice of spending time celebrating with her bf, not at your sacrifice of flexibility of when you celebrate your bd. You will say if I cant come first any day, I should at least come first on my bd. You can have that belief, but a bd is an day that can be celebrated another day if the presence of someone you want to join you, and who wants to join you, but also wants to spend her bf birthday with him. Thats OK too. Your sister would say she should be allowed to spend her bf birthday with him and that is true too. It doesnt mean she doesnt love you.
Who gave her the iPad? If it was your parents why did they get her an extravagant gift but not get you anything? Is there more to the story? Like did they get you something extravagant some other time and didnt get your sister anything?
If her boyfriend of someone other than your parents or grandparents gave her an iPad, that is nothing against you or to hurt you, it is just something for your sister. I know things like that can be hurtful but try being happy for her and believing one day this may happen for you. But if not, its OK because life isnt equal and life isnt “fair” but they usually equal out in the long run. its our reactions to those things.
My middle child growing up would have these fantastic things happen to him. Like he and his brother were diehard state fans and planning to watch the game together, snacks and all. Suddenly middle child gets a call to leave to see game in person and he was torn and asked his brother if he minded. He said no go for it I would if I got the chance. But rather than be upset he laughed it off when I asked him where his brother was. He said “the favored one” suddenly got a ticket to the game. They were teenagers then but in their 30s now. Now the oldest one has season tickets for every game. So his time came.
There were other instances where middle child would get free ticket to a concert, an anonymous person donated 6000 for a car for him when he was 20. So many things happen like that, that is why my oldest called him the “favored one” all in love. The speech the middle child gave at his wedding brought everyone to trarsBut there was no jealousy or hurt. They are just 12 months apart so close in age like you and your sister. So try to be happy for your sister and for yourself.