This happened in Nov, but I was inspired by another post yesterday to ask.
Backstory: my husband and I (both 30s) finally felt we got to a financial position to go to Disney World again after 5 years. He has 3 siblings with children, total of 7 kids, age ranges 5-15yrs old (4 of them are between 12-13 at time of incident). We are closest to his oldest sister "B" and her husband "J", who also have the two oldest kids at 15 "S" and 13 "L". We live about 8hrs away from all of them, so we only see them 2-3 times a year for long weekends. We usually stay with J/B for these trips.
Due to my husband’s job, we have to plan vacation a year in advance, so Christmas time of 2024 we mentioned to B that we were planning to go to Florida in Nov 2025. She asked about Disney, and we confirmed it was the plan. The next day, she asked us if we’d be willing to take her girls with us, since she and J didn’t exactly want to go back but the girls did. At this point, we already had plans to host the girls in July 2025 at our house so we were trusted to care for them, and B offered to pay for everything for her kids too (hotel, car rental share, food, tickets, etc), we’d just be basically chaperones (one of his childfree sisters joined too, no really drama there minus one comment later). We adore the girls, so we said yes and honestly the trip was some of the best days in our lives.
The problem: Of course this wasn’t going to be a secret and partly during-mostly after-the rest of the family learned about the trip. Now, we haven’t talked directly about this to the other parents, so unsure on their thoughts/hopes BUT regardless, we wouldn’t take any other kids on a trip like this (even if the parents paid). We aren’t as close to the other kids/parents, and a big issue is no one else in the family respects our "no" when we say it. Not the parents, not the kids. The other kids already know we had S and L out last summer, and even something like that we wouldn’t do for the other kids.
Due to this, we’re getting a lot people saying we HAVE to be fair to the other kids and take them to Disney and/or host at our house (including the sister that joined who said we had to "suck it up" and be fair. We disagreed with her directly when she said this) Frankly, we don’t want to because our money and free time are too valuable to us to essentially waste on being miserable. Love the kids, but in short spurts like when we visit. This ultimately makes it so we favor S and L. AITAH for doing this? I can explain more of the other relationships if requested 🙂
NTA, the other parents expecting you to take their kids too is entitlement. Especially if you don’t know them well. You’re already doing a massive favor to your husband’s sister and husband.
Bit of the problem is we do know the other kids decently well, but that has actually made us NOT want to take them rather than take them 😅 but the entitlement has unfortunately rubbed off on the other kids….
The “you HAVE to be fair” crowd? easy to say when it’s not their time, money, stress, or responsibility.
you’re allowed to say no. you’re allowed to have boundaries. and you’re definitely allowed to spend your vacation with the people you actually enjoy traveling with.
NTA
Honestly, you hit the nail right on the head with exactly how we feel! Thank you for taking the time to reply 🙂
NTA – as a mother of 3 it’s absurd to EXPECT anyoneeee to do ANYTHING like this. Good on you for doing what you can and don’t give in
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Very true!! The parenting styles between the 3 houses either kids are VASTLY different, and unfortunately being so far away physically there’s only so much we can try to do to bridge any gaps but we do what we can 🫠 thanks for taking the time to reply!
Nta and this may be controversial to some but aunts and uncles can play favourites. It’s based on the relationship you have with the kids and their parents.
Definitely NTA
Did the rest of the family know that you and husband didn’t pay for your nieces?
By now I suspect they do. One for sure does because we did speak with the kid (he is the one that found out during the trip vs after…ouch) but the other household hasn’t asked us directly. However they did ask the other solo sister that joined us if she’d take their kids and they’d pay for the costs, which is why I’d say they know. Thanks for taking the time to reply!
I’m very curious as to whether the solo sister agreed to take the other kids. She went to Disneyland with the older girls. Since she’s so concerned about being fair to the other kids, she should go with the other kids, too, regardless of whether you and your husband go.
100% NTA
I am part of a very large family.
I love all my nieces and nephews, but I have a different dynamic with some and am closer to some than others.
The parents of the other nieces/nephews lack self-awareness and are a bit entitled to automatically assume you should take their kids out of “fairness”.
NTA
IMO you are treating the kids fairly. Here’s why:
>We aren’t as close to the other kids/parents, and a big issue is no one else in the family respects our “no” when we say it.
If S, L and their parents acted like this, S and L wouldn’t be going to Disney World, either. Everyone had the same opportunity to respect each other.
What you’re actually being pressured to do is disregard fairness, IMO.
Omg thats such a clear way of putting it, I could kiss you right now 😂