Okay so for context I’m 28 and my friend is 24 and about 8 months ago his girlfriend broke up with him, they were together for 5 years so it hit him pretty badly. Anyway I live in a small 2 bedroom apartment so after thinking it over for a bit I offered to let him stay with me rent free (he still had to pay for his own food, utilities and anything else he wanted.
At first it was fine he didn’t leave his room and mainly kept to him self as expected but 6 months down the line honestly his room and ensuite are fucking disgusting. his room smells to bad you can faintly smell it from the kitchen, I just checked his room and he has piles of bags of uber eats shit and a literal pile of garbage bags in 1 corner.
Don’t get me started on his ensuite. his bathroom is a fucked black mold growing in the shower corners, shower head and window, hair everywhere, toothpaste splattered on the mirror, toilet not flushed sometimes, wet towels left on the floor until they stink. I’ve slowly started to tell him he has to clean it up and sort himself out more and more as it gets more filthy.
Until yesterday when he told me I have to stop nagging him like his girlfriend used to and that comment got the best of me I’m not going to lie. Immediately I got so frustrated and kicked him out while screaming at him about how filthy the place is and when I threw him out I screamed no wonder your girlfriend broke up with you if you live like this.
Honestly I’m not proud of what I said but I refuse to enable this sort of lifestyle especially since it affects my quality of life now I’m happy to let him to keep staying here but I’ve told him he needs to order a cleaner to clean shit up or I’m throwing his stuff out by the end of the month. As he was leaving he told me I’m a terrible friend and I should have more empathy and while I do get he is struggling its been 8 months and I feel like he is starting to take advantage of me
no. he’s gross. full stop.
you gave him eight months of free housing and he repaid you with mold, rotting trash, and a toilet that sometimes doesn’t get flushed?? that’s not depression. that’s feral behavior.
and then he calls you a nag. in YOUR apartment. the audacity is insane.
no wonder your ex left you – was harsh? maybe. but if you live like a swamp creature and expect applause, reality is going to sting.
you are not a charity. you are not a crisis center. you are not responsible for raising a 24-year-old man who can’t aim a shower head and wipe toothpaste off a mirror.
kick him out and don’t feel bad for a second. if he wants empathy, he can start by learning how to use a trash bag.
That’s exactly how I view, the only reason I made this post is because when I told my sister about it she said I went too far and lack empathy but reading these comments really help me a lot thank you
Congratulations! Tell the friend your sister has offered to take him in. Thank your sister profusely for her willingness to do so.
A lack of empathy. 🙄 Even After, you still had the offer to let him stay.
It’s been nearly a year, and he’s currently as useless as a wet sock. Clearly after his GF dumped him, he hasn’t learned his lesson.
Once you start affecting others, is the time it becomes a problem.
And Nagging? It’s your place. You have a right to expect a guest to take care of the space you’ve allocated to them. I’m assuming you don’t own your apartment; you have to answer to a landlord- it will be your ass that is on the line if your unit becomes a problem.
Was the girlfriend bit maybee a bit much? Sure, but it’s looking like that was the truth. Sometimes the truth hurts, as brutal as it may be.
Can only hope the people who care about them, can wake them up to how bad habits can actually be.
NTA.
And I say this, as I, my Husband, and my parents are all the type to offer a space in the time of need. I’ve housed at least four of my friends (almost six). Some for short, some for long, some planned to be semi-permanent.
I only had to kick one out, and that was when lines were fully crossed, trust absolutely broken, and for safety of some of our friends. And I still gave him time to sort things out. He still had the full opening to go back to his parents.
Sometimes, you have to let go and let them figure their shit out by themselves. Sometimes it’s the only way.
Also I will point out that the friend was actually the first one to bring up the ex, when he complained about her “nagging” – probably about this exact thing. Normally I’d call that a cruel thing to say, but given he was perfectly happy to weaponise her against OP I think it’s fair for OP to respond with “yeah well this is why she broke up with you” – especially because that’s clearly the truth he’s refusing to see.