In a LDR with a divorcée and he was supposed to come see me in March but today he just told me he got a letter from a debt collector company saying he owes $4000???? He says he knows it’s his ex and doesn’t know what the debt is for yet. Then he says I guess I can’t come anymore for a trip we’ve been planning out and I’ve been preparing for.
As he was talking, I felt the growing helplessness and frustration and I said “you’re letting her do this to you” and he says “Letting her do this to me? Fuck you! You know what??? Fuck you!!!! You’re just like every other woman, I’m leaving. Leave me alone” before hanging up on me.
This is not the first time she’s bought things or done expensive stuff in his name and he’s lamenting about having to pay it back since she used his name. I’m not American but I know it’s fraud and shouldn’t be allowed but he’s refusing to take legal or proper actions since they have a kid together
AITAH for telling him the truth??? Or is there any other truth
And you refused him. One critical observation and pooof he blew up. NTA
YTA because this sounds like a BS story that he’s making up to not see you. What else does he lie about?
ESH – He is either lying or being defrauded and unwilling to take proper action. You are victim blaming by saying he is “letting her do that to him”. That is not a supportive or helpful statement. Either way though, cut your losses. He is always going to be like this.
Its not victim blaming – its a fact. If its not the first time and he isnt taking any legal actions against his ex – its him letting ex doing this things. OP is an AH to herself for staying in relationship with a person who isnt able to keep his life in order.
YTA. If you believe he is making excuses not to meet, challenge that clearly and openly. If not, show some empathy and have a proper conversation about what is happening and how you could help (not financially, though — it might still be a scam).Your response, however, shows no empathy towards him or provides no solution or help, and is plain victim blaming.
NTA
Break up though and save yourself the hassle.
Are we sure this is not an excuse to get out of meeting with you? Have you met him irl before?
I would leave. No man should speak to you. I’ve been with a man who was not divorced and it was awful. Save yourself the trouble now
He doesn’t want to travel to see you and made up an excuse. The reason he blew up at you is because if you offer to pay then he needed an extra excuse to say no. Now he can say he’s upset with you, blame it all on you and he gets to stay put.
YTA to yourself for believing his nonsense.
NTA. There’s a number of reasons this *could* be happening, and none of them are good for you.
1. He’s in a horribly contentious relationship with his ex. Is this ongoing stress and drama *really* how you want your life to go?
2. He’s being financially abused by his ex. Ditto.
3. He’s catfishing you and making excuses to avoid meeting face to face.
4. He’s laying the groundwork to scam you. You could meet if his debts get paid off, right? It’s only a few thousand dollars…
I’m sorry, but I’d recommend rethinking the relationship.
INFO: Have you met this person in real life? Sounds like a scam or a cheater to me.
NTA! He IS letting his ex hurt him or he just doesn\`t realize it. As long as he lets it slide, nothing will get better. And he is protecting, enabling her behavior. You dodged a bullet here!