I 21(NB) and my roommates 20(nb) and 20(f) recently were assigned a fourth roommate 21(f), who has sparked up a lot of drama at first she was really cool and communicative with us. But soon we started having disagreements over life style choices she is a big bar girl and tends to be out most evenings while we are more recluse, this wasn’t the biggest issue more of a pet peeve because she tended to come home late and she is very loud when she comes home drunk but more recently it blossomed into a bigger issue. Soon she began to bring different guys home and one in particular which she claims is a friend but there some benefits (our walls are paper thin we hear EVERYTHING). Soon he began to stay over every single night TLDR has just become our fifth roommate at this point, in the beginning it’s started to make us uncomfortable with him being here everyday without notice. We talked with our roommate twice now asking her to give us more of a heads up when she plans to have him over BUT we also expressed that we weren’t ver comfortable with him being here every single day, she may trust him and think of him as a friend but we have no idea who he is and it is weird having a stranger around daily. We’re also concerned about the bills racking up with having an extra person in the house, after our second conversation about it she stopped communicating with us. Her friend is continuing to show invited or not which she lets happen, we are starting to worry that we are in the wrong and that she feels we are being to controlling but we can’t tell because she won’t talk to us about anything. We don’t know the full side of her story or what she’s going through or why that guy continues to show up everyday, we were just trying to compromise for him to not be here during the week since we all have work/ school but given the situation we don’t know if we are being too overbearing or not. AWTAH?
NTA. This is your space, you pay to live there, you get to decide whether someone else can be there or not. If your 4th roommate disagrees, its time for them to find alternative housing.
NTA but these are the things you really all should agree on before moving in!
I think if he’s JUST in her room and it’s just occasionally, that’s one thing. But this sounds like it’s more like he’s an unofficial roommate that doesn’t have to pay. That’s not fair to you!
I would continue to try to find a compromise with her and maybe even suggest having her find a place to move in together with him.
You say you were assigned this 4th roommate. Is this a school situation where you can talk to an RA or university housing? If he comes by when your roommate isn’t there, you can tell him to come back when she’s there to host him.
The apartments we live in are advertised for college students but there is no RA but the apartments function as a regular apartment complex and the leasing office management expect us to resolve all conflict within the unit ourselves.
What are the house rules, which were laid out and agreed upon prior to her moving in. Summarize them here for the folks at home.
We were randomly assigned her by our leasing office and had no prior contact with her. The only rules were general rules for our shared spaces laid out by the leasing office (ex: General quiet times during the weekdays. The three of us have lived in this unit for an entire year prior to her move in and we are good friends. Guest rules were not initially laid out heavily amongst us, but our leasing management does have rules stating guest should not stay for more than 3 days at a time unless agreed upon with all roommates.
Who assigned you the 4th roomie?
Our leasing office randomly assigned us the roommate after our previous fourth roommate moved out.
Great. Do you have a copy of the lease and does it address overnight guests?
We don’t have a copy of the lease as management dose not give us a copy nor a version of it digitally to save, but we had called and asked about guest rules and they stated that guest can’t stay more then 3days. The only exception is that a guest can stay longer if all roommates in the unit agree that it is okay for that person to be there.
NTA. + i say this as someone who a decade was the person bringing the unwanted guest making my roommates uncomfortable. it’s better to be clear + direct. you are not in the wrong for not wanting a stranger in your house.
Look at your lease!
Usually the lease addresses the frequency that residents can have overnight guests.
The frequency is usually rather limited due to the guests being able to establish residency.
Just read the lease. If your new roommate is in violation, report the issue to the leasing office.
This is absolutely one thing that the leasing office has a stake in. They will most assuredly address it if the roommate is in violation.
“…our leasing management does have rules stating guest should not stay for more than 3 days at a time unless agreed upon with all roommates.”
Report her to the leasing management, they will deal with it. NTA