Hi! So I’m a 15(f) and Christmas has recently gone by. I have a large family, 10 people, and on Christmas Eve we all gather at my Mimi’s house or go to mass before Christmas.
A little background, I have horrible experiences with religious things such as gatherings and the sort, but I suck it up for her because this is her one ask. However it is stressful for me with everyone around.
Christmas Eve in itself is always hectic however I got very overwhelmed when everyone was picking the cars to go in and cried a bit, it was handled, but the next day after gift opening and breakfast was starting I was overwhelmed again.
I’d gotten a BB gun after asking for one for four years, and then got reprimanded about it (I still don’t know why my aunt did this she’s a bitch) but I left the room to where my mom and brother were, my papa as well. I was crying and saying what had happened while trying to calm myself down and my mom seemed to be annoyed that I was crying? (I know it’s a stressful morning but she was directing her anger at me which wasn’t fair) and when I couldn’t stop my breathing and sniffling from being to loud she said “Go cry out of my face” and I’d said no quite angrily,. As I didn’t want to have to see my aunt who’d yelled at me. (We normally have a very relaxed and ‘friend’ kind of relationship but we do fight sometimes so I understand why it might seem I was being disrespectful) after it we stopped talking for a few hours before we had to leave.
As of now we’re good with another, the entire things wasn’t to big of an argument but I’ve been thinking about it.
AITAH for telling my mom I wouldn’t leave? Or should I have given her space?
NTA but sweetie if you are crying constantly, as it sounds, you need to speak to a therapist. Crying that much is not normal, even for a hormonal teenager. I can understand your mom’s frustration if you are constantly crying. Please get help.
OP needs help with that level of anxiety in general
You need to be aware of how your emotions affect the people around you.
It seems you are easily overwhelmed and upset when there’s lots of chaos – you need to figure out coping mechanisms that don’t put your emotions on those around you.
Think of it from your mom’s perspective – she’s trying to enjoy the holiday and her family members around her, and you’re loudly crying about another somewhat silly thing.
You didn’t care that your behavior was putting a damper on her emotions, yet it seems you expect everyone to cater to your own.
Soft YTA – take some space in a private area if you need to calm down and get a handle on your emotions.
It seems like you are crying constantly, which can be exhausting for other people around. I would strongly think about therapy and mental health services. At your age, to be that easily triggered into crying is excessive.
Edit: Soft YTA for not understanding how your emotions are affecting those around you
NTA, you were upset and overwhelmed and your mums comment definitely didn’t help.
No, you’re not an AH, but probably should have left just to keep the peace. It was wrong of your aunt to criticize you because you got a BB gun for Christmas – if I’m interpreting this correctly. While I agree BB guns are dangerous and you’re really young (sorry), she shouldn’t have rained on your parade. She didn’t buy it and had no business reprimanding you. YOU didn’t buy it, someone bought it for you. She should have stayed out of it. But parents are always stressed out at holiday family gatherings, so it probably wasn’t the best time to cry over it with your mom. You weren’t expecting her to criticize your aunt, were you? That would have made it worse, more stressful. Keep those things to yourself and wait until you’re home and alone with your parents and then talk about what happened and how you felt. If you need to cry, that’s ok, but do it alone until you get home.
It sounds like you have some issues that can’t be solved by the people of Reddit. I see from a previous post that you have some issues and perhaps these haven’t been resolved or addressed yet.
My pet peeve is when people on Reddit say “you need therapy”, but I think perhaps getting help might help you. You seem pretty intuitive and you recognize that you are crying a lot. I would say you are probably more emotional than the average person your age.
I think you should sit down with your mom or another trusted adult and talk about some of these feelings.
NAH- your mom was overwhelmed, it sounds like you were overwhelmed. I think it’s time to address some of these problems
This sounds like A Christmas Story…
Eerily similar
NTA Family is stressful. Christmas is stressful. The two combined can really suck.
Your mom might have also been stressed, but not being the one your child can cry around is really sad.
There’s nothing wrong with crying, but you maybe should seek some help with feeling overwhelmed.
NTA **but** it does sound like you cannot regulate your emotions at all, which is not exactly a good thing, not even at 15. Just parking shouldn’t be so overwhelming that you cannot handle it other than by crying…
That said however – your aunt yelling at you for receiving a gift is not okay. And no matter if your mom was stressed or fed up or whatever, saying this to their own child is incredibly rude. They are the adults in that situation and should behave accordingly – none of them did.
You are 15 so NTA . You do need to work on figuring out how to excuse yourself to get your emotions under control as an adult.
Youre 15, you’re hormonal and I’m wondering if you’ve got anxiety or something else you haven’t mentioned.
The crying about which car to go in… were you wanting to go with your parents or a certain cousin or two and there was no room? Or were you just overwhelmed? Those are two different reasons to cry.
The BB gun.. why was your aunt reprimanding you? Do you have young cousins? Were you goofing off with it in the house? Does your aunt not like anything like that? Or it sounds like your aunt might not be happy unless she’s complaining. Again, need a little more context here. But if there are young cousins around, probably not the best thing to have given as a gift in that moment, and not something to be playing with around them, even if unloaded.
As for crying to your family, I get that. You needed somewhere safe to go and be. Someone who could protect you from your aunt should she come for round 2. Especially if you don’t know what she went after you the first time. However if your mom was already overwhelmed crying to her, probably was more than she could cope with at the moment which resulted in her being a little snappy too.
Next family get together see if you and your mom or dad can figure out a few things to make the events less overwhelming for you. Talking about it can be hard, but it will help things go more smoothly. If you’re easily overwhelmed easily, talk to them about some kind of signal that you’re getting there or are there, and bring something that helps calm you. This might be different in different situations. Colouring, a book, a certain stuffed animal, a fidget. What works to calm you down so you can cope? What is appropriate in these settings? With this family get together. Colouring might be good. You just might not want to bring special markers or pencils if you have young cousins who will wreck them. So maybe it’s grabbing your special set if you can be on your own. Or that stays put away and you bring out stuff you don’t care about as much, and you can then share with them.
Good luck. I hope you find ways to cope. Talking to a councillor might help give you the tools you need and help figure out ways to talk or deal with your family.
YTA. What the actual fuck?