For context I usually am not confrontational. I live in a huge house and rented a room to my friend and let her kids share a room with my oldest. But my oldest who shares the room is only home for the summers and they have completely taken over the room now. On top of that she lost her assistance so since I’m still getting some I’m expected to feed her and her 3 kids and make sure there is food to eat. I wouldn’t let kids go hungry but I’m becoming resentful. Especially when my special needs son is often left without the food he needs at the end of the month. I’m the only one who is consistently cleaning the house all week. On my days off I am the only one who deep cleans the floors and makes sure the laundry’s all done and the floors and everything like that. All of my laundry baskets are full of her and the kids clean clothes that never get put away. She only helps clean maybe once a week. For context she’s usually home all day but chooses to sleep in and do nothing to help unless I’m complaining. I’m going to school full time 5 days a week. Not only that her dog is completely ruining my yard and she’s done nothing to help fix it or train him or even get him fixed he’s been peeing on everything. I just don’t know what to do anymore and the last time I confronted her she was like I can just move out. She does help with my son but she’s also paid for the hours she works. I don’t know how to approach the situation becuase I am so upset. 😭 I feel like I’m just going to tell her to move the fuck out because I could rent one room for $800 including utilities and not have to deal with the shit I have the last year. Help me I have no idea how to approach this as she is usually very defensive. Always an excuse. I’ve cleaned the house dog sick and I’ve never made an excuse on not getting stuff done around the house. But I’m tired 😭 if I don’t cook dinner nothing gets cooked either and I’m just so frustrated 😩 I’m expected to cook clean feed and house everything and just be nice about it.
YWNBTA. Find out what legal notice is in your jurisdiction and put in writing that she has XX days to get out. She’s 100% abusing you. Don’t tolerate it.
Also, no more talking and no more chances. She knows exactly what she’s doing. She needs to go.
NTA at all, you’ve been more than generous to let her stay and financially support her family for the past little while but it can’t be at your own expense or the expense of your child
I just want to really be able to have a genuine like conversation first before I just kick her out.
You can still do that. Be very serious, give her a specific trial period with specific goals for change, and then hold your ground about her leaving if she doesn’t meet every goal. Or you can skip that and just outline all the reasons you need the money and need the support and that you are giving her a month to find a new place. It might not go well either way, but you need this and it’s the right thing to do for your family even if she’s not happy with it.
Okay I just am unsure of how to approach it without it becoming a huge fight.
INFO: have you made your expectations clear and assigned her specific jobs? Like, is she responsible for cooking dinner on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday? Have you asked her to not store clothes in the laundry basket? Some personality types are “do everything that needs doing” and others do their jobs. It may be that you are the first, and she is the second. So, if you haven’t done so, call a meeting, and work out who does what, when. At least, give her the opportunity to succeed before evicting her
Yeah I’ve done I’ll do dishes and floor if she will do laundry and then it never got done or it would sit in the washer and smell like mildew. Even her sister said there’s a reason she doesn’t live with me anymore… I just feel bad for the kids I don’t want to evict her I just am tired of feeling like I’m doing everything around the house.
We also had set dinner nights and it happened for a while and stopped I just started college in October and she’s also started college all online but the times she gets to do work she sleeps then everyone’s home and she’s doing the work. It’s kind of annoying I can’t control an adult but I’ve mentioned her cleaning out the baskets and it’s like only her feelings matter
NTA
You are going to have to have a serious conversation about how this is not working for you. If she says she can just move out, let her. You can find someone else.
She will get mad, she will get defensive, and that is okay. You need to stand your ground. If you want it to work out with her be VERY SPECIFIC about what you need – from your son’s food to the dog. Tell her how much time she has to shape up and tell her that if she doesn’t she is out.
Stop worrying about her feelings or about how she perceives you and think about how you need a renter to make your life easier – not harder.
NTA
NTA.
You’ve made it too easy for her by not imposing any consequences. She figures you’re a soft touch; she knows you’ll feel bad if you kick her and her kids out. Her own sister won’t house her; doesn’t that tell you something about this person? And the fact that your son’s special food is often gone before the end of the month is OUTRAGEOUS!
You need to be a mom first and a friend waaaaay later. Find out the rules on eviction where you live and give her notice in writing. Be prepared for explosions — screaming, crying, guilt trips of “My poor babies!”, etc. Do not engage with her. If she demands to talk about it, simply tell her that things have not worked out and you decided this was the best course to take. You can also tell her that you are too angry and resentful for a meaningful conversation at that moment and then leave the room.
Your child and his needs, and your peace of mind, should be your concerns right now. If possible, do not have her caring for your son and getting paid. It doesn’t sound like she’s doing much anyway. If you need to line up alternative childcare, do that quickly and have that person start as soon as possible so your moocher roommate no longer has the leverage of “helping you”.
It’s hard to stand up to people like this. However, she’s stressing you out, and she is the one responsible for your son not having his necessary food. Doesn’t he deserve better of you as his parent? Be assertive for him, if not for yourself.
NTA. you’re only NOW considering telling her she need to clean or she’s out? That should have been dealt with long ago. You’re not asking for enough. Cleaning when she’s home all day is BARE MINIMUM. Time for some real rules and communication, and money.
NTA. You need to sit her down and tell her what you need from her. She is taking advantage of you.