\-Little backstory: My father and I have no contact for 3 years now, he was never there but when he was he was asking for money. When we went no contact he was trying to steal from me (access to my bank account) 20.000€ that I had there. I confronted him and called my godmother who’s a lawyer and said if he doesn’t give it I’ll sue as it’s my money and I needed it. (He has NO money problems whatsoever)
That day he purposefully caused me to have a seizure (lights making me crying and hyperventilating all the things he knows are triggers)(I have epilepsy which he knows). I told him to stop, cause I had an aura, and he said “I deserve it cause families don’t behave this way to eachother”. I ended up in the hospital that day (gf took me) with bleeding in my head and bruised all over cause of the seizure. I came very close to dying from SUDEP and head trauma, I’ll never forget that day.
My mom called him from the hospital while I was unconscious, he didn’t answer (they’re divorced for years due to his behaviour, gf called mum to come). He learned I was alive 3 days later from a coworker of mine.
\-Yesterday an old friend of my father’s called me cause she said they talked and she asked him “how is your daughter?” and he replied “I don’t know, we don’t talk, it’s very deep family issues”.
I haven’t said anything about this to any people that know both of us (we work in the same field and I don’t want any gossip I just want to be left alone). I’ve seen many of his friends and when they ask how my father is I just reply “he’s fine” and move on, and same goes for this one, a very nice old lady whom I’ve seen many times these years.
So she called out of concern if I was alright and if she could help. They talked because they’ll work together and she has been really kind to me I do believe she wasn’t “curious” or “gossiping” she was trying to see if there was something she could do. We talked for a bit and I didn’t say anything about this incident but after a while I felt bad because she said families should stick together and all that so I told her the truth!
She was shocked and didn’t know what to do and she said when she sees him she wants to make him apologise to me (which I don’t care for but I can’t tell her what to do)
Now I’m afraid that when she speaks to him he’ll know that I talked and he’ll start harassing me again. He THANK GOD doesn’t know where I live now!
But I’m also feel like ATAH for releasing this information to a coworker of both of us. But it was more because she is a long long family friend. But still a coworker though.
I wish I could take it back and said nothing but I did say the truth and now he’s gonna find out cause the lady is sweet and she’s gonna think she’s helping. And I just think I made things shitty for myself.
She’s not gonna gossip, I’m sure of this. But I feel like an AH after all those years for talking
AITAH for saying that after all those years?
For the record: I’m 31 and my father 76
100% nta, he literally tried to murder you. You can always get a restraining order if your father tries to harass you again.
Thank you very much for answering and reading
Yes I don’t believe I’m an AH for this kind of behaviour but for saying that to a coworker that can affect his job
???
NTA. What are you worried about HE told her “very deep family issues”. You just gave the context.
NTA. It’s the truth and it’s horrific, and you have the right to tell it.
It’s also only yourself you’re putting at risk by telling this woman. It sounds like she means well but doesn’t understand that she might put you in danger by speaking to your father about this. I’m worried about you, but you’re not the asshole.
NTA, but I would be more careful about who you’re giving information to. As nice as this lady is, she really didn’t need to have that info and it puts you in a potentially vulnerable position.
DEFINITELY NOT! THIS IS YOUR HEALTH & SAFETY! He seems almost dangerous to both. I feel very uncomfortable while I am reading about his behavior,
it makes me emotionally cringe. I think you need to make sure that your health and emotional safety comes first. I also think it’s very safe and healthy for you to let other people know what’s happening with you. If this person called you out of concern that is a sign that if another person is concerned for your welfare because of what your dad is done, then you should have no worries about talking to them about it. I’m just glad that you have somebody that you can talk to.
NTA – you have a right to tell your life story to anyone you please.
If an abuser doesn’t want their dirty little abusive secrets revealed, then they shouldn’t have been abusive.
NTA. Your sperm donor has no place in your life for what he did. And I hope you can tell this person that you want to keep it that way. Some people try doing things they think are best for helping, only to make the situation worse. Just be careful, and perhaps let your work know you don’t want to see your sperm donor if he comes knocking.
We are in the same field not working together yes and he cannot track me against my will in work. I can’t control what she does and if she talks with him but she said she intends to so I felt like an AH because she’s in the same field too and about to start working with him
Even if the concern about his work was warranted- he’s nearing the end of his career, and like you said, he’s fine financially. NTA because the truth is the truth, and you shouldn’t lie for people anyway, AND even if it creates problems for him, they will not be lasting.
BTW, something to keep in mind: he *has* been lying and discrediting you this WHOLE TIME because he likely didn’t want this out. It’s what abusers do. Since you have similar circles, it’s likely that he has already affected your career and relationships. Just something to keep in mind.
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NTA If you don’t want people to talk about shitty things you’ve said or done, then you don’t do those things in the first place. He should be deeply ashamed of what he did. He purposefully put your life in danger, you’d be justified telling the whole damn world what he did. He should have faced criminal charges for that shit.
Firstly, your father is extremely abusive. You have nothing to be sorry for.
If it was me, I would contact the co-worker. Tell her it has taken a long time to get peace from your father and you have no wish to have him harass you further if he thinks you have talked about his behaviour. You don’t need his apology you just want to be left in peace and please don’t repeat do anything to jeopardise that.
NTA