I (34F) am happily married to my husband (38M). We are having a little tiff about his gas and he said I could post here to weigh in on the situation. Happily married, he’s just smelly.
I tend to go to bed before my husband does. He arrives as I’m drifting off to sleep every night. He consistently, nightly, proceeds to unleash the loudest, smelliest farts possible. Multiple. Zero effort to restrain them. Absolutely nauseating in odor. I usually have to get out of bed because the smell is so gross. It keeps me awake longer, and honestly feels disrespectful. If I need to pass gas I get up and go to the toilet until the upset resolves. He says he doesn’t want to get out of bed because he’s too tired, but his disgustingly smelly farts force ME to get out of bed to not vomit.
He had been told by his doctor to avoid lactose and take medication but he refuses to change his diet or take the gas pills. I don’t even care if he just stands up to fart, but when it’s under the covers it’s directly wafted to my nose. He thinks I should just accept his smells as a natural process, and that even though I’m able to hold in my own farts until I’m in the toilet, he should be able to fart as he pleases.
Keep in mind, this man does not fart in public or before we got married in bed. Out of bed is fine. Living room is fine. Kitchen is fine. But under the covers without any restraint MULTIPLE times per night…
Am I the asshole for asking him to get out of bed for his farts so I don’t have to or at least try to hide them?
Edited to add because he says my post is bullshit: his doctor did not diagnose him with lactose intolerance, just said he should avoid it to rule out the gas issue. He also says I should mention he had so much gas and can’t help it, he doesn’t do it on purpose
Have you tried taking the blankets with you when you leave
NTA.
He doesn’t have much respect for you. He is lactose sensitive/intolerant and refuses to do the bare minimum to mitigate how his choices affect you and your relationship as a whole. He can control it in public, though. Interesting.
Up to you to accept it or not. I personally would not.
NTA forcing you to deal with his medical issues because he doesn’t want to take pills or change his diet is so disrespectful to you. I would sleep in a different bed until he can make the necessary changes.
NTA.
There’s a lot he could do to prevent this. Fart before he comes into the bedroom, maybe. Take some Bean-O. Whatever. He’s not trying at all, which means he’s probably getting a kick out of making you gag.
NTA. Buy a fart spray can and every time he farts at night, spray it directly in his nose. Maybe he will figure it out. Your husband is seriously gross though.
NTA. Even more than his disgusting, bad-lactose-processing farts, I’m genuinely more bothered that you being disgusted and inconvenienced several times a night doesn’t bother him. Is he actually on your team? It’s quite selfish and hateful.
Nta, he obviously doesn’t respect you. That might sound dramatic, but he’s not listening to you, and he’s making you feel ill AND he’s constantly interrupting your sleep.
He doesn’t care about you.
And that he knows why he farts like that and won’t change his diet is even worse. He’s a gross, gross child who needs to grow up. If it were me, he’d be sleeping in the spare room, or somewhere outside the house. And if he still wouldn’t change, it’d be divorce worthy.
NTA. But your husband sure is. He treats strangers better than you. He knows its disrespectful to force other people to suffer from his bad choices. He could fix this so easily with a small change in diet and/or OTC meds.
He has no respect for you, and I don’t know how you can sleep next to him, much less have sex with him.
Separate blankets, at minimum. But I’d be in a completely separate bedroom.
So he won’t use Lactaid and won’t go fart somewhere else, and you’re supposed to just live with it?
Nope. We try to actually be loving to each other in my marriage. He should find some way to mitigate the impact on you JUST BECAUSE YOU ASKED.
One of my core beliefs- toss it out if it doesn’t speak to you- is that our best, kindest behavior should not be reserved for strangers or avoiding judgment in public. It should be seen in the way we treat the people we hold most dear.
NTA.
How are you gonna say yall have an amazing marriage, when your husband constantly disrespects you? He knows how you feel and he still does nothing to help the situation?
Girl, GET FUCKING REAL.
My thoughts too. Literally every good day is capped off with a giant Passive Aggressive act of complete disrespect. He makes his wife ILL and lose sleep. No good day ends well. He ruins every good day by being so disrespectful.
The fix is so easy…which makes me think there’s some level of intentionality here. Like this is way of being Passive Aggressive…maybe over some buried resentment towards her. Why else would someone intentionally treat a loved one like this.
This is not a happy marriage. The mask comes off every night.
If seperate bedrooms is an option, I’d take that. Another option if he refuses to respect you is to get a strong HEPA air purifier for his bedside. We have a dog that does awful farts when fed the wrong food, we put the air purifier next to her bed and it takes care of the stench before we smell it.
It is however worth reflecting on the fact he didn’t do it before marriage. He waited until you were locked in before unleashing his foul stench intentionally. That tells you a lot about how he truly views you.
NTA.
I would set a boundary:
“It’s completely natural to fart. However, if you choose to keep eating lactose and not taking your medication, and the farting continues like it has been, I will be sleeping in the guest room” (or wherever your extra sleep space is).
Your husband TA in this situation.
LADIES! For the love of all that is holy, why are we putting up with this shit?! JUST STOP.
NTA. I’d banish my nasty husband to the couch if he consistently showed this little respect for me.