AITAH for wanting my son’s first birthday to be abroad?

I’m looking for some outside perspective because my husband and I had a pretty big argument about our son’s first birthday.

For context, we recently had our first baby and I’m currently on maternity leave. My parents and siblings are planning to move permanently to another country soon. Once they go, they won’t be a a drivable distance away anymore, they’ll be in another country. I also currently don’t live with my husband as we were living with my in-laws and for reasons I decided I didn’t want to anymore and moved out. We will be moving into our own house in a month.

I wanted to spend some extended time with my parents with my son while I’m still on maternity leave, around 2–3 months. Realistically, once I go back to work and life gets busy with nursery, school, and finances, we probably won’t be able to just pack up and spend months abroad like that again.

The issue is that our son’s first birthday falls around the middle of my trip.

My husband feels very strongly that he doesn’t want to miss it. Because of work and limited annual leave, he may not be able to travel to join us if I’m there at that time. He says the first birthday is an important milestone and he wants us to experience it together.

From his perspective, asking me to shorten the trip to 1–2 months instead of 3 is a reasonable compromise.

From my side, the birthday has another layer to the situation. My husband’s family lives in the city we live and we’ll likely live near them long-term, so they will naturally be there for most of our son’s milestones and birthdays.

My parents won’t be.

That’s why I wanted at least one birthday where my family could be part of it before they move abroad.

During the argument my husband said the priority should be our immediate family: me, him, and our son. I’m happy to agree with him on that so I suggested maybe we skip a big party altogether and just celebrate quietly as the three of us so nobody feels left out and that I’d come back to him if that’s what he wants to do. Not to spite his family, but because it will just make me feel the absence of my family more.

But then he said both sides of the family would want to be there. I pointed out that it felt like the reasoning kept changing, either it’s about just us three, or extended family matters too.

He also said our son deserves to celebrate with the family who is here, including grandparents who aren’t getting younger.

I understand and agree with that point, but because we’ll likely stay near his family long-term, our son will have many birthdays with them. My parents may never get that chance again.

So now it feels like we’re stuck where someone will end up hurt either way.

My husband feels like he’s already missed a lot of time with our son and doesn’t want to miss another important milestone.

I feel like I’m about to lose my entire support system to another country and want them to have meaningful moments with my child before that happens.

So AITAH?

Edit: \*copied and pasted my comment with more context please read\*

I have tolerated a lot in this marriage. I’ve been through hell by going ahead with things he wanted to do purely because that is what was comfortable or easy for him. I forced myself to stay with his mum who was extremely overbearing and intrusive because that’s what he wanted. Eventually she started making a massively negative impact on my mental health while pregnant and I had no choice but to leave and move out for my own sanity and wellbeing of my pregnancy and marriage. That’s why he isn’t around for important moments with his son because he didn’t organise somewhere else for us to live and didn’t join me when I took it into my own hands. I don’t make decisions lightly. I don’t like upsetting my husband. I don’t like separating him from our son. I don’t like living apart from him. Every decision I make I make it with him and now my son at the forefront of my mind.

Like I said in my post, them moving country was something that had been in the works for years. I was included in those plans initially but I got married. They can’t just drop everything so they can be here with me, nor would I expect them to.

In regard to my husband, he has the money to come with us for a few weeks, not that he would need it because my parents have offered to pay for all expenses apart from flights which don’t cost a lot anyways. His reasoning seems to stem more from the fact that he doesn’t want to upset his parents by not doing a party that THEY can attend because I’ve already said I would come back and we can do a celebration with just us three.