So kinda long post coming. Over the past few months I have noticed that my mom has my siblings graduation pictures up front and center in the living room. I have made comments here and there about how I have one picture up from a long time ago. For context my siblings are definitely the golden children. My mom makes snide comments about my profession and how my masters degree “isn’t that difficult”. She makes comments about how I don’t make enough money and my life choices is general. Over thanksgiving I noticed there was still no picture up. I made a comment about not being the favorite and she told me that she didn’t put one up because, she was waiting for a good deal on the picture. So I lost it and while yes the picture does bother me it was deeper than that. So I got upset and decided to leave early so Reddit AITAH?
Think this blow up was a long time coming, forget about their crap.
Been there. My fix was to get a few pictures of myself framed, gift them to my mom and set them next to the others.
But it’s not about the pictures, is it? It’s about feeling not good enough and not loved equally by your mom. That is a horrible feeling to hold.
You are NTA for feeling the way you do. But you could have handled it differently and chose a moment to diacuss it that wasn’t a family celebration. You stormed out of what is arguably one of the most important family events of the year. Do you feel better doing so and with the consequences this brings?
I work ironically work in a psychology related field and my masters degree is something similar to that which I feel isn’t less than my brother is studying to become a doctor and my sister is studying to become a criminal defense attorney so she sees my profession as less than
what the hell. yeah. definitely NTA… I would be hurt beyond belief, then resentful as all hell. honestly, you handled yourself better than I likely would in the same situation!! congratulations on your master’s degree, BTW. I see you girl!
You didn’t blow your Thanksgiving, you expressed some self-respect. That’s not a bad thing. You do not enjoy being there. It hurts. You finally stood up for yourself. You told the person who hurts you that you were hurt, even though they expect you to just grin and bear it. Why should you? You were being complicit in their treating you poorly. You stopped being complicit. This is a step in the right direction, friend. I’m betting you don’t tell your romantic partners about the things they do that hurt you, either. You need to stop that and tell people exactly what you need from them. If they’re blowing up at you for that, pick different sorts of people. I was the unwanted child, too. I get it. I stopped presenting myself to be abused a few decades too late. But I finally realized I don’t have to be complicit in my own abuse. This year, you took a step in that direction, too. And what did you lose? A whole day of pretending you don’t feel bad? Hope that if you just make yourself small enough, you might fit on the wall? That’s not how it works. You did the right thing, and I’m proud of you. Honestly, you’d be better off investing in other relationships.
NTA. The picture was just the last straw the real issue is the constant put-downs and being treated like the lesser kid. Anyone would snap after years of that. Leaving was healthier than sitting there pretending everything was fine.
NTA. Straw that broke the camel’s back. Sounds like a lot of emotion built up over time finally made its way through to say “nah, this isn’t fucking right”.
So a good example is my brother got hurt he slammed his foot in his car or something it wasn’t even bruised but she got upset because I left early tonight because I was sick. She called me on my way home I told her that I threw up on the side of the road and she was like oh that stinks anyways I have to go.
If you want a picture up, give her a picture and see what she does with it.
This is the answer. Then she can’t say something dumb like ‘waiting for a deal’ on a print. (Also this is the time of year for deals on stuff!) If she has generic frames, buy the same one and put the photo in so it matches.
If you want to be a real ball buster (I wouldn’t blame you) bring a hammer and nail or command strip whatever so she can hang it immediately.
If you want to be petty AF, swap out one of your sibs’ photos for yours (discreetly) and say taking turns has always been the fair thing since you were kids.
Your mother’s excuse makes no sense. Why didn’t she get your graduation photo framed when she was getting either of your siblings’ photos? If you’d shown up at her house with the framed photo, a hammer, and a picture hanger and had put your photo up with the others, what would have been her reaction?
Thanksgiving is considered a–well, really, THE family holiday. You could have held your tongue and pretended to be a happy part of a happy family, but because it IS a family holiday, it made the pretense impossible.
I have no idea why your mother isn’t more appreciative of you. I’m the mom of two grown kids, and even though I don’t know you, I’M proud of your accomplishments.
NTA
You’re NTA. The photo was just the last straw it hurts when a parent keeps showing you you’re not the favorite. Leaving was better than staying and blowing up. Your feelings are valid.
NTA sometimes enough is enough.
Personally I blew things up with my mom after several instances of meeting her friends and them looking at us in shock and saying, “I didn’t know you had two daughters!” And when I noticed her phone wallpaper was her best friend and my sister at her graduation (there was a photo of my mom, sister, and I taken that same day).
You’re worth being appreciated just as much as your siblings!
What is your mother’s master degree in