**For context:** My husband and I live in the downstairs area of his parents’ house. We pay rent for the space and are only here temporarily until my husband ships to basic training and our newborn son and I can join him. The laundry room is also downstairs, so my in-laws come down to do laundry.
Recently, we went out of town for 2 days to visit my grandfather, who isn’t doing well, so he could meet our 2-month-old son. I asked my mothers-in-law (yes, plural) if they would watch our dogs, and they agreed. I set up a pet camera without telling them. They’ve done the same to us before when they went out of town, and I mainly wanted to check on our dogs and my 14-year-old senior cat.
When checking footage to see if the dogs were fed/let out, I found one of my MILs snooping through our living space. The downstairs layout includes a main area near the stairs/laundry, a larger office/workout/baby area, a storage closet, a bathroom, and our bedroom (which you access through the bathroom).
At first, it seemed normal. She talked to my cat, went in and out of the laundry room. Then she opened our office door, peeked around, and closed it. After that, she went into our storage closet (baby items, house stuff, etc.). Then she returned to the laundry room, grabbed a basket, paused, and went into our bathroom. I assumed she just needed to use it.
Instead, she tried to open our bedroom door. It was locked (I had a weird feeling before leaving and locked it). On camera, she jiggles the knob, realizes it’s locked, and says “oh my god” in an annoyed tone. Later footage shows her going back and trying the door again, but the clip cuts off due to motion sensitivity. The lock is a simple one that can be unlocked with a fingernail.
I feel really violated and disrespected. I can maybe understand curiosity about the office area, as it’s a less private space (still not okay), but going into our storage closet, and especially trying to access our bedroom feels like a major boundary cross. This isn’t about theft or safety. It’s about privacy and respect for a space we pay for and live in as adults with a child.
I want to address this, but I know they’ll likely respond with “this is our house, we can do what we want.” How do I bring this up calmly but firmly without sounding like I’m overreacting? Should I even bring it up? Or should I let it go?
Am I the asshole?
NTA – So far, she doesn’t know the cameras are there, and unless you plan on moving out, what’s the point of alerting her to the fact that you saw her snooping, as well as knowing that she couldn’t actually get in? Let it go and trust your instincts – she doesn’t respect your privacy, and you know it.
Yes. If they are moving out soon – just close the doors, secure private things. I’d let the camara record and save those movies just in case future problems with MIL
NTA. Your husband deals with this not you. His mom
NTA. Checking on your pets is all that she needed to do, not rummaging through your possessions. Show your husband the video and let him handle it. Maybe he can talk to the other MIL about it first. You do pay rent, so as a landlord she has no right to do what she did, and the “this is our house” line shouldn’t apply.
NTA.
TBO would check all rooms daily if I was house sitting.
Don’t tell anyone about the cameras. Just leave them up to gather evidence.
NTA. I’d discuss it with my husband, see what he has to say, and follow his lead on this. You can ask for privacy but if they’re the “it’s my house”-type of people, it’s going to aggravate them and will likely fall on deaf ears. What you don’t want to do is to cause waves and have to live with tension and bad blood with your in-laws while you’re waiting to join your husband.
You are leaving soon. No need to cause a lot of conflict over this. People will be nosy, it’s not right, but it is human. Don’t mention the cameras, just be grateful that you will soon be leaving. NTA but let it go, she didn’t do anything monstrous. You did well to lock your bedroom door.
NTA but as far as AHs go they are pretty tiny. You should just keep this info in the back of your head and only tell your hubby in a flipant “can you believe this” way, show him the video. And drop it. Your knowledge of this is more important than making an issue of it. Tell hubby not to bring it up to them. You may bring it up in the far future when they jump on you about how you are so disrespectful to them, invading their privacy, or a similar over the top IL way. But until then sit on it. And maybe never talk about it. Like I said b4 knowing the info is more valuable than disclosing it.
I’d maybe wait until I moved out and then say something or straight up ask her “we were wondering why you were trying to look in our bedroom? “You know we have a pet camera right” Put her on the spot. You pay rent and even if you didn’t, how intrusive! And it’s your husband mother, If that were my mother I’d straighten her out in a hurry. He should be the one to confront her. I’d feel so violated, not to mention I’d never trust her again. Pfffff some people!
NTA, I would be annoyed too. It’s a tough situation to be in as it’s their house. Could you ask your husband to speak with them?
NTA, but… would anyone really not have a look around? Maybe I’m just a Really Bad Person^((tm)), but I absolutely do have a look around peoples houses if I get a chance. I know it makes me an asshole, but I kind of assume most people are an asshole int he same way. I know that it doesn’t absolve me of anything.