First of all I hope I am not offending anyone by writing this, it’s not my intention.
31M here, been on a relationship for most of this year and things didn’t work out because I mainly run out of patience.
Just to be clear, all I wanted was clear communication, honesty towards each other, avoiding fights through talking and sticking together. Initially she was seeing things the same way.
What I was getting from her on the other hand was curveballs, silent treatment, random anger outbursts, 0 transparency and so on. Bear in mind that she has abandonment issues. Of course I wanted to be there for her and help whenever I can, but this was becoming too much.
I am obviously focusing on the bad but there was a lot that was good, but due to the bad I just felt I was constantly walking on eggshells.
The last drop was an anger outburst at me saying how I was not attentive and I didn’t care about the relationship, plus that I had a fragile ego. I had never ever talked to her like that, never said an insult or started a fight, since that’s just not me. I was constantly doing my best to understand her and give her credit. My mum was visiting for a week, and how well she was treating us triggered this response when she left.
Anyway, thinking now and talking to other guys, some tell me that yea what I had to go through was unacceptable, but some others shrug and just tell me that’s how women are sometimes.
I am a bit confused since it was my first long serious relationship, but what it was clear to me is that I wasn’t getting peace and I am more relaxed now that I am alone.
That is how a lot of women are and it is unacceptable. Never waste you time on women like that.
I’m the same way and have let relationships end for the same reason. If my partner would rather lie and avoid conflict to the point of refusing to deal with problems, so be it, but they then shouldn’t be surprised when I decide that I’d rather be with someone who actually cares.
My wife is the same way as me and while things aren’t always perfect, I really could count the number of big fights we’ve had on one hand and they were all based on outside factors rather than pent up unresolved feelings about each other.
Calm, respectful, and honest communication is the foundation of a healthy and functional romantic relationship with another person.
Two people must be able to share their thoughts and feelings in a constructive and mutually satisfying manner.
Each party must hear and listen to the other. Here I am referring to an exchange of ideas and thoughts, not arguments and recriminations.
If one party or the other or both cannot engage in such a conversation, there will not be a relationship.
I was married for a long time to a woman who was unable to have such conversations with me. The reason was because when she was a child, she never saw her own parents engaged in such conversation.
The marriage did not last.
That’s great input… And it indeed was like that, at times I was even afraid of giving my opinion or being myself fearing a reaction, because it happened sometimes.
Women that use the term “fragile ego” and “insecure” are usually women who are never held accountable for their actions or words in a relationship. Thats a red flag and shows she don’t care how you feel or say (at least to the level you would want)
Exactly. It’s like if a guy dismisses his girlfriend’s boundaries with “well, women are irrational, so what you say don’t count.”
Big red flag; don’t waste your time dating people who think you’re subhuman.
They’ve all got the lingo down.
Yep it’s an indoctrination loop.
Clear sign she has not learned to think for herself.
It wasn’t unusual that she projected and blamed me of what she was guilty of.
You have learned well grasshopper.
There is a difference between dealing with problems and expecting others to put up with them. Your ex seems like some who has more work to do and should not really be in relationships. Instead of wanting to be better and work on her problems to be a better partner, she expected you to just “take her as she is” but not willing to do the same. Standards are for you to define and for you to work with. Not for you to put with. Good for you to end it and I hope you learned what you could from this!
>>>Anyway, thinking now and talking to other guys, some tell me that yea what I had to go through was unacceptable, but some others shrug and just tell me that’s how women are sometimes.
In a way, both are right. If you think that type of behaviour is unacceptable – and i’d agree – then you don’t have to tolerate it.
However, this type of behaviour isn’t exactly rare. In the same way that a lot of men are aggressive, ignorant, domineering and don’t listen or pay attention, a lot of women behave in the way you’ve described. To varying extents, a number of my exes did. Some men just accept that this is what women are like, and base their decision on other aspects.
Personally, I hung on until I found a woman who was able to discuss things clearly. Neither of us is perfect and we do argue, but the difference is night and day.
Listen to your mom
If you are expecting a woman to have S tier communication, pure logic and no emotion I don’t think you will find her
You understand that you’re dating women, right? You need to read minds, acknowledge their lack of accountability, and accept gaslighting and a logic free environment. I’ve got a 3”+ year wife and two grown daughters.