For context, I am having a breast reduction next week. a reduction i’ve wanted for years way before I even met him. another huge context behind this is that we’re not close to marriage, nor having kids. we’ve been together for a year and half almost 2 years. we’ve talked about it and obviously you want the relationship to head in that direction but nothing is for sure until you get to know each other well enough. also huge factor is i’m only 24. so i’m not really in the mindset yet to get married and have kids. I think he for sure is more passionate about the idea than I am. I found out I had pcos when I was 20. and was told that I can struggle with infertility. and that dimmed my light. and overtime I feel like I’ve steered more away from really wanting it because I don’t want to feel hurt if I can’t. like if it happens it will happen mindset. and I don’t think he understands that. some men will. but he will never fully know what it feels like to be in my shoes and be told you could be infertile and struggle with pcos.
last night we re directed to the conversation of the surgery. and I was telling him that it was hard to lean on him for support with the surgery because I know he fully didn’t agree with it. he thinks it’s going to affect my hormones and dis control me. he only thinks that i’m doing it because I don’t want looks and want my clothes to fit nice. which yes is true but it hurt when I have plenty of times told him it’s because of back pain and yes insecurity. but again he won’t get it. but his biggest factor as to why he didn’t agree with me doing it was because I could loose the ability to breastfeed and he would want me to. IF WE HAD KIDS TOGETHER. and I was like I really don’t care if I could or not. personally I think it’s my body, my happiness. and once I get there one day if I do. and choose not to breastfeed. I personally think that’s the mom’s choice. she is the one having baby latch on and dealing with it all. why does one man have to step in and tell you what to do. husband or not. I feel like the man won’t fee anything why should he tell one what to do. that’s just my opinion and how I see it.
so since I said I don’t give a fk if I can or not. he sees it as a fk me right. like I see his opinion and perspective. but I don’t think it’s really none of his business. but now I feel like the asshole. because I want this for me. but to me it seems like he’s making it about him? or i’m I trippin?
I was in a long term relationship with someone else before him and was just always wanting me to be happy and supported me always no judgement ever. especially if it was about my body. he wanted me to feel good and be happy. and now here I am not used to having someone up my ear making me feel this way. and making me feel guilty for something I want to do for myself. because he says I don’t prioritize want he wants.
I don’t want him the day of surgery nor in any of the recovery process. and he’s hurt that I don’t want his help. nor his money because he offered to give me money. but I said no. I said you can’t try to tell me you don’t want me to do something, judge me for it. then try to say you “support” it when you still hold your irrelevant breast feeding comment at an all time high. because you still don’t understand why I want this for me. to me that doesn’t feel like support after you discouraged me and continue to tell me you still don’t think you want me to do it just because your afraid I can’t breastfeed. I’m I the asshole for going through with the surgery even tho he said he didn’t want me to do it due to the breastfeeding risk?
You know he’s not the one. I would just end things and find someone who loves you regardless of the ability to produce crotch goblins or nurse them.
Not everyone even CAN breastfeed, you’re just going to be more fully informed about how easy it’s going to be IF you get there. If he REALLY wants his kids breastfed he can take pills to grow his own pair
Hun, you actually sound like you have your head screwed on right. Everything you’re thinking is spot on.
I would just say that if you don’t want your boyfriend to be with you at hospital, in recovery, etc, then he’s NOT long-term material. This guy is obviously not somebody you can rely on and trust your vulnerabilities with.
Have a think on that x
Your boyfriend is an asshole, full stop.
This is YOUR body. He doesn’t support you.
Yea.. this is her response to other comment:
> he is very much old school way of thinking. woman shouldn’t be miss independent. career woman all that he HATEEEEES it. he wants a wife to serve him, make his babies, and stay at home to do what a wife should do….
> I met him when I was 22 and he told me I should be pregnant by 25…
> he wasn’t looking for a wife, a partner a best friend. he’s just looking for someone to serve him and make his babies
I’m hoping she’s with him for money because he’s clearly not bringing anything else to the relationship.
There’s been a full parade of 🚩🚩🚩 since the very beginning, but she chose to date him for 2 full years??
Tell him if he wants a perfect broodmare to go find one
He doesn’t respect you as a human
that’s exactly how I feel, not respected as a human! thank you for making me laugh LOL
Gently, if you want someone who is going to treat you as a human being and an equal, you need to stop dating men in their 30s until you’re close to 30 yourself.
As I noted in another comment above, decent, ethical, thoughtful, mature men his age don’t date women your age. At all. Because while you are an adult (and clearly a bright and sensible one), you are still very early in your adult life, and there is a degree of vulnerability in that, and good men understand that your life experience isn’t commensurate with theirs, that they are better suited to women in their ow peer group, and most importantly that you and other women your age deserve to be in relationships with guys who are going to grow *with* you.
This man is the epitome of a red flag. He doesn’t get to have an opinion on your body or medical decisions *at all*, no matter what. And he is more than old enough to understand that. But the fact that he is dismissing your valid concerns around chronic pain and potential medical issues with absolute made-up bullshit about “hormones” (which are not affected by the amount of breast tissue that you have, SMFH), or nonsense about “future breastfeeding” (lots of women can’t breastfeed, their babies are just fine, and your health has to come before any nonexistent tiny humans anyway) speaks to how *fundamentally selfish, and genuinely stupid and ill-informed* he is. And that’s before we get to the bit where he’s controlling as well.
Please, from a woman old enough to be your mum (and even his), take it from me: walk away from this relationship, get your surgery, and stay away from men that much older than you until you’re closer to his age. If guys your age seem immature, you’re just meeting the wrong guys. I assure you that there are as many smart, caring, supportive, thoughtful young men around your age as there are young women. And you deserve to find one who will grow with you in life, not try to dictate things to you.
So, I’m gonna say this as someone who clocked in at 38N last I checked and I need to remeasure–
Being top heavy is AWFUL for your posture. The back pain is unreal. The fact that you were able to find someone willing to do that surgery at your age is a godsend.
While I’ve not had the surgery myself, and I’m not sure if I will, I’ve never heard someone regret getting it done. For *your own health and mental well-being*, don’t let him talk you out of it.
I’m so excited to have this procedure done. I know that will not look back and regret it. I saved up money, found the best surgeon. unless you are top heavy you get it. if you don’t you won’t, and you do! i’m happy to hear you had a great experience it gives me reassurance. It just sucks to hear from someone you want full support on tell you he doesn’t want you to do for reasons of his own personal preference. about something we aren’t even on a page on. he wants to tell me I’m supportive, but yet still thinks I shouldn’t do it. it’s like your only trying to discourage me. so I chose not to have him in any of the process and now he’s hurt about it
He is putting hypothetical childrens wants (not even needs) above your current real needs OP.
Not even the child’s, but his. A child needs to be fed, whether by breast or bottle is the least of its concern. And even without that risk, there might be other reasons why OP can’t breastfeed. I was only able to for one month because my nipples literally started tearing apart and pieces were falling off, which meant my kid would swallow blood (and no, lanolin and nipple shields and other remedies didn’t work, my skin is very sensitive) so the pediatrician and gynecologist both told me to stop. There’s a lot of women who can’t produce enough milk, and babies who can’t digest breast milk. This dude’s argument is just a whim.
Honestly he doesn’t sound mature enough to actively participate in this. He’s prioritizing a hypothetical that, frankly, isn’t even his business at this stage over an actual, serious, current health problem you are experiencing. If he had his way your back would continue to get worse and possibly require major corrective surgery down the road.
I think that this is a great time to reflect on the relationship as a whole. Does he steamroll you on other things? Does he regularly treat his feelings as more important than yours? Is his support conditional like this in other aspects of your life? This guy may be the best one you’ve had yet but you’re still young. As my dad used to say, there are no guarantees that you’ll ever meet your perfect match, but it’s 100% guaranteed that you won’t find them by wasting time on somebody who is clearly wrong for you.
Get your surgery. He’s not a husband, not even a fiance, and even if he was, you have the right to seek a pain-free life as much as is possible for you. Then once you’ve recovered from surgery, think really carefully about whether you want to stay with someone who thinks the off chance of you being able to do something you don’t really want to do is worth the certainty for pain for you now.
I think this is a perfect opportunity to reduce your boobs and your BF. He’s trying to control you and he’s also in a very different place in his life. I think after you’ve healed you’ll feel lighter in more ways than one. Ditch the BF. 😉