I’m in my late 20s now, but back in high school I dealt with pretty consistent bullying from a guy I’ll call “L.” It was racist, physical, and humiliating. He apologized a few times during school, but it always went right back to the same behavior, so the apologies never really meant anything.
A few years after we graduated, he randomly reached out again to apologize. Last year, I messaged him on LinkedIn, not to start a fight, but to finally ask why he called me racial slurs and treated me the way he did. I genuinely just wanted some kind of closure.
The conversation went sideways fast. First he said he didn’t remember. Then he said if he ever said anything, it “wasn’t meant in a demeaning way.” Then he asked why I was even bringing it up.
Out of nowhere he switched gears and accused me of being behind anonymous messages that had been sent to his family, work, and friends for the last two years, including stuff accusing him of assaulting an ex. I’ve never sent anything like that, but he claimed he had proof tied to my IP address and started throwing around terms like “defamation of character.”
About five months later, I got a call from a police officer asking about it. I explained everything and sent screenshots of the conversation. That was back in March and I haven’t heard anything since.
Sounds like this guy has impulse control issues and a lot of problems related to them. When you last contacted him, you were temporarily pulled into the vortex of his problems. You should steer clear of him for the rest of your life. He is dangerous. You’re not going to get closure from him. Talk to a therapist about it if you’re having trouble.
I hear you but I’ve never seen such a manipulative individual in my life. He reminds me of Logan Paul but has the face of Brock lesnar (the fighter guy). He was very careful with his wording while speaking to me because he would say things like “I take accountability for what happened back then but you and I both know those are not the facts man. I’m not lying when I say I do not remember ever calling you the n word man”.
Yeah, this is why you’re never going to get closure from him. He is probably in constant damage control mode after many years of impulsive, destructive behavior. He may also not be able to admit to himself what actually happened, because that would be too hard on his ego.
Am I dumb for looking for closure ? Thanks for your insights.
Not at all. You’re just looking for it in the wrong place.
He’s probably talking enough shit online that he got doxxed and you’re the only person he actually knows to try to blame.
You just say “you have someone’s IP but it’s not mine because I didn’t do it” and then hang up the phone and block the number.
That sounds about right. The cop didnt really sound interested tho in doing an investigation from his tone, he just asked why I decided to message him on linkedin and I told him why then he said can u provide the convo and I said yes then provided it.
The cop ultimately said “if you are the one doing it, just stop”. he sounded exhausted bc he said this guys has been going to them regularly about these messages over the last 2 years non stop.
>The conversation went sideways fast. First he said he didn’t remember. Then he said if he ever said anything, it “wasn’t meant in a demeaning way.” Then he asked why I was even bringing it up.
He probably didn’t want his high school behavior documented. LinkedIn is tied to his career.
Although I dont think well of him, he has no career. Hes a so called “manager” at a local restaurant and works with one of his friends at a self-start up company. Sure he has a degree in marketing but he hasn’t done anything remarkable. Again, not hating.
Fair enough. At the same time, a marketing degree indicates he probably wants a career someday. Documented racial slurs can follow you through your whole career.
Yeah youre probably right but I dont think im going to ever bring this up again because I have a feeling he will make things ugly. I have nothing to actually fear but the way he manipulated the convo and painted me as the villain left me in complete shock. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. imagine if he was really motivated to save his career, imagine the lengths he’d go to
Classical victim seeking control mentality.
Common to women. Less so to men but if you frame him as a woman it could be easier to understand.
Wants to seem big and empowered, especially publicly but at the same time feels guilty when belittling.
It’s hard to reconcile being a victim with a morally superior sense of self while exercising actions to make you feel empowered.
.
So yeah it is common. You’re dealing with someone who , if they acknowledged what they did would destroy their sense of self.
They may have been a real victim as a kid, either physically or through heavy emotional manipulation.
Guy sounds like a psychopath
if it was anonymous….