I (38M) have been in a relationship for almost 2 years with 35F. We have broken up once back in 2020(she initiated break up) and got back together at summer of 2024. She was mentioning her exes a lot, especially her ex ex(broken up since 2019) and we argued sometimes about this. Our last big argument was because she wasn’t respecting my boundary/need of her not constantly mentioning her ex ex without being asked or without an obvious cause. After our heated argument back in August 2025 she stopped mentioning her exes which was a good thing. But recently i discovered she frequently checks up on her exes, like at least twice every month.That lead to an argument again and i feel that something is wrong, why there is a need to constantly check up on exes? If it was simply out of curiosity it wouldn’t have happened with that frequency. I am feeling lost and betrayed, and i feel that her focus isn’t on us.
Curiosity is one or twice per year. I have a feeling your a long term rebound. It does not look like a healthy life lasting relationship..
Someone who checks in on their ex that frequently is obviously not over them.
It sounds like she has issues letting go of relationships, even in yours with the breakups and breaks… she probably needs therapy before being actually ready for a relationship.
Is it one ex… or all the exes? And how do you know this happens monthly?
Her last two exes. We were searching something on fb, those names were up on top in the search bar and then i asked to see her search history. For the last like 3 months(at least) she checks up on them regularly. All of this make me feel insecure.
Edit:
Forgot to mention that we are long distance(2 hours) and I am about to move in with her, quiting my job etc.
I’m not sure what to say…. But….
There have been two times in my life when I regularly checked an ex on social media…
One was a situation where I was very close to his family while we were dating and I was wondering how they were – especially his niece and nephew who Id known since they were babies. I wasn’t interested in him at all.
The second was an ex who had some serious mental issues and was suicidal. I was very worried about him although I wasn’t at all romantically interested.
I’m just wondering what her excuse is… and would she have any reason to check their page/s?
She didn’t give me a solid reason, other than curiosity and played it down. She doesn’t have a reason to check that regularly, especially her ex ex who doesn’t live near her and has moved on , he got married and has a child. She also checked his wife sometimes. That situation made me feel very insecure and that I’m not that important to her, rather than that I’m a good and convenient choice to make a family etc.