There’s this guy I really like — I’m 20 and he’s 23. We’ve known each other for about 7 months and our chemistry is honestly amazing. We’re similar in so many ways but still different enough that it just works. He matches my energy perfectly, and I’ve developed really strong feelings for him.
At this point, I can’t imagine a day without talking to him. He’s on my mind constantly. I love him, and I don’t see myself with anyone else. It feels like he’s completely taken over me in the best and worst way.
But here’s the problem: he has severe PTSD from his last two relationships. He told me he’s been broken down to his knees emotionally and doesn’t want to lower his guard or enter a relationship again. He said he likes me, he’s attracted to me, but he *cannot commit* and he’s not interested in relationships at all.
I feel completely stuck. I don’t want to lose him. I don’t want to miss out on someone who feels so right for me. But it’s tearing me apart.
Should I keep holding on and risk getting used and discarded? Do I not deserve a chance at something real? How do I even handle this? I really need genuine advice because my heart is breaking.
He’s been honest with you. Listen to his words
Listen to him and move on.
So you either let him use you or use each other in hopes of him coming around
or
Accept the fact that he can’t commit and decide to have fun
or
Walk away because you NEED commitment and it’ll just keep hurting the longer you stay.
>Do I not deserve a chance at something real?
This is dangerous, you deserve what you earn. Get over yourself a little bit and realize other people don’t exist for your sake alone.
This is really outstanding advice! You said this much better than I could.
Nobody *deserves* anything. Not the good, not the bad, not the weird.
The concept of “deserving” is so entitled and unrealistic.
Stuff just happens in this life, and sometimes you can steer the outcome based on actions you take, but you don’t inherently deserve anything at all.
I like you. Wanna be friends?
I think, being really honest, you have to back off. Either he’s telling you the truth and will never commit – in which case you save yourself massive heartbreak down the line – or he will realise when you’ve stepped away that he doesn’t want to lose you.
But you can’t do it JUST to try and change his mind – you have to be happy with the alternative of not being with him. And I’ll tell you from my experience – because this is pretty much the situation I’m in too – being in love with a man who doesn’t want to be with you is incredibly painful. Keep your heart open for someone who can return your love.
This feels like teenage love. Stay around if you like and see what happens but don’t force it. Odds are, he will eventually change his mind. My gawd you two are so young. I know everything feels like the end of the world but isn’t.
Time to pack it up and move on.
You will be doing yourself a HUGE favor and save yourself some wasted months/years.
When someone tells you who they are, believe them.
There isn’t much to do in a situation like that, except to recognize that he does not feel about you the way you feel about him. It might make sense to put some distance in the relationship and let the feelings fade before moving on.
I’m sorry to say that if he’s making comments like that, the chemistry you’re feeling is lopsided.
Unless a relationship was actively abusive, real PTSD is unlikely. Fear of commitment, even because of betrayal or bad breakups, does not make a mental health diagnosis and should not be used as an excuse to avoid or prevent future bonding. If someone does insist that’s their only setting and they cannot change, well, they’re not going to change just because you’re awesome.
We live in the era of tik-tok self diagnosis.
I myself am ADHD, autistic, PTSD, BPD, schizophrenic, past life billionaire, sigma, chosen one, insomniac, possessed by satan.
He’s learnt that women are unforgiving.
He’s learnt to stay away from Trouble.
I’ve also learnt stuff like that.
I refuse to take any female seriously. Don’t date, much prefer my own company.
Not sure how you got into your friends life.
I would suggest that you’re wasting your time.