I have spent most of my life not getting much attention from women despite my efforts. Lots of rejection. I recently decided to download Hinge and have since gone on a few dates. I have been talking to a girl pretty consistently and i think i like her but there are a couple things about that them that are very different from me that give me pause/make me hesitant to want to pursue them for a long term relationship. Despite this I find myself smitten and willing to ignore these concerns because I’m so happy that there’s actually a woman interested in me.
I recognize dating someone just because you don’t want to be alone is not a good idea in the long term. However I’m having trouble identifying if our differences are minor enough I can move past or ignore them or if I’m only doing that because I’m happy to have finally found someone who likes me.
For clarity, our differences are that she is much more of a homebody introvert and I am very outgoing and extroverted. She doesn’t really drink much or like going out to bars which is something I do enjoy with my friends. Tho she has said she will do it with me despite not loving it. She doesn’t like to try new foods and I am a huge foodie so there’s that too. There’s a few other things that I’m blanking on but this is the gist.
I listed the bad but she is a fantastic person. She is really kind, she works with disabled children to help them get as close to normal lives as they can. She runs a charity and hosts community wellness events as well. I think she’s funny and I’ve enjoyed being around her, but I get along with almost everyone so that’s not much of a barrier to clear.
TLDR; I like a girl and think she’s great but we don’t actually share much in common in terms of what we enjoy doing and how we operate. Am I overthinking it and I should just go with it? Or will our differences be an issue at some point down the line?
OP, The girl sounds like a catch if you are thinking about marriage and long term.
In general, you’ll always have differences with your partner. My advice- don’t use pre frontal cortex too much at this stage. I would just go out with her, date and see how things “feel”.
A successful relationship is about communication, conflict resolution, negotiation of needs and matching of values.
as long a she lets you hang with the boys
I’d say try it out. If the differences become insurmountable, you’ll both know and end it. If you can both comprise and find some common interests, it may work out.
This. Let her know you are dating and want to see how your chemistry is before being exclusive, but definitely don’t ghost her
A: just reading the title, the only way to know for sure is to compare how you feel when one women shows interest to another woman who shows interest, if you are lucky enough to know when that is.
B: as a person 100% blind to women flirting with me, trust me, you probably have 1 or 2 if you are in any social circles.
B2: if you aren’t in any social circles, you should probably get some friends before possible heartbreak. Support systems are important
C: hinge is great
D: on the topic of differences, my gf in college was into video games like me, but she was into South Korean 2.5d dungeon crawler MMOs and I was into a rotation of Minecraft, battlefield and KSP. We both liked anime, but she liked forever shows like Bleach and Guntama while I liked tight serial shows like AoT or March Comes in like a Lion. On paper, us liking similar things but being too stuck in our sub genres ended up drifting us apar
D2: my current gf (f32) never played games beyond the n64 she was gifted by an uncle. When we started dating she told me she doesn’t have much experience in games but is willing to try. She’s now hooked on Hades 2 and we sometimes play Minecraft together
D3: it’s about being open to new things, not about being into those things already
E: I think you should go out on physical dates with her while keeping hinge open. Let her know you are just dating for now, don’t lead her on thinking she’s got you exclusive then break her heart. Give it 2-3 months and you’ll know. Once the shine wears off, you’ll either dread setting dates or will want to constantly be with her
1. Step 1 like a woman, step 2 determine why you like that woman, step 3 how many parts could be cut off that woman and you still like her, step 4 know in existential terror exactly what you like about women.
2. It sucks you don’t know what level of annoyance you’re comfortable with, but it’s not like there’s a Myers Briggs test for that.
3. People don’t have to like the same things to like each other. I don’t think you’ll really know if you’re compatible until you have a fight over something.
You seem to have been fine with going out with your friends before you found a girl, so that shouldn’t really be an issue unless you really want to have her with you. The reverse would probably feel more off, if she wanted to go out with friends while you wanted to stay home. If she’s fine with you going out sometimes, and will even come with you every now and then, it sounds like a workable compromise. You probably shouldn’t push her to go out though.
I don’t see why the food thing would be a huge issue, unless you like to cook a lot at home, which means you have to often cook two separate meals. If you go out to eat it shouldn’t really matter, let her eat what she wants and be generous enough to at least take her to a place that has *something* she will like. I’m a little like this girl of yours and as long as I can order a burger or something it doesn’t really matter to me what the other things on the menu are. I’ll often let my gf pick the place so she can have variety, as that is much more important to her than to me.
If you really like her and you click well you might find yourself becoming more of a homebody yourself with time, voluntarily.
Nothing but green flags here if you ask me, unless you start feeling entitled to her company wherever you want to go, but that would be on you.
Yeah I’m probably overthinking it or looking for another me which ain’t realistic or maybe even what I want
Dating is a skill. Keep practicing.
Part of dating is figuring out your incompatibilities. If you’re unsure if something is a deal breaker but no actual conflict has happened, the only thing you can do is keep dating the person and see if it’s really an incompatibility.
You don’t need to match 100% with the people you date, you just need to find out how to get along when you’re not on the same page.