Help! My bf (26m) and I (23f) have been dating for nearly one year. we met on tinder and quickly started dating even tho he lived in another city (11 hour car ride) away. we made it work! i loved long distance. this is my first real relationship and i was never one to be super clingy and needing to be with someone 24/7, so the long distance was the best of both worlds. I had someone to talk to and feel accepted with and we were always talking on the phone and would see eachother twice a month for a couple days. but now i moved to his city away from all my family and friends and have been living together for almost three months. i know i have some issues dealing with change and starting new as my whole life has been like that but ive never felt so isolated before. we’re going back to my home in a couple days for christmas to be with my family and im afraid i wont wanna leave. i know its prob because its my first time moving away from home by myself and i am still pretty young but everyday im thinking of ways to leave this place. not necessarily leave my bf but to leave the city and move back home. to make matters worse im super broke rn so i cant even move away and pay for my half while i get my shit together. i can’t afford to drive home because my car doesn’t have any winter things and i don’t even have money to make my car winter appropriate to atleast go back home. i had to leave my good paying job to now work for $15 an hour which barely covers all my bills. i know im prob thinking like this because ive been super stressed lately and starting to abuse weed which i know affects my mental health but i dont know what to do. if anyone has any advice, i would appreciate it.
is this something relationships go thru?
TL;DR, my 1 year long relationship has been great which led us to move in together but now i want to leave. i need advice on what to do
Yeah, this is pretty normal for such a big change. I moved 2 hours away from my home (thats a long drive in the UK as we are small) and i hated it for all the same reasons.
Speak to your partner about how you feel, tell him it isnt about him and more about how huge the change is and you’re struggling.
Also, get yourself out there to meet some new friends. Speak to people you work with. Make your own life there too outside of your relationship. Space is important too. Get on the meet up app or try bumble for friends. There are plenty of options for meeting new people. Dont be afraid to put yourself out there.
Find activities you like doing (dance class? Gym class? Running club? Art?) And get yourself out there doing those things too.
Totally normal experience and with a little determination you can start to settle in, it takes time. Dont beat yourself up
Does sound like you made a jump the gun type of mistake.
You quit your good paying job, to move 11 hours away to be somewhere that doesn’t include and friends or family. Nor do you even have the financial backing to take care of yourself in the event of something like this.
It was foolish to make such an extreme move when you don’t even have money to get you back home, made yourself financially dependant on him with no way out.
See how the holidays go and if you’re too homesick, then rip the band-aid off and return home. Is it going to hurt him? Probably, but you’re hurting yourself more for going through with this if its not making you happy.
Its okay to make things a trial run. You don’t really know how this things play out until you experience it first hand. If its not working out for you at the new location, then return home.
You made a mistake moving in with him rather than moving to his city and spending time dating him in person. A couple days at a time twice a month is not the same as regularly dating – it’s a vacation romance, where you’re both able to be on good behavior, so the relationship doesn’t get a change to progress naturally. Seriously consider your situation and look at your options, talk to your boyfriend, and consider getting into therapy to help you through this. And if you believe the weed is becoming a problem, get into a support group to get and stay sober.
This is why we make life decisions with logic and not fluffy feelings. Very dumb and naive choice you made … all for the sake of a little boy you’ve not even known a year.
Plan your next move wisely. Stay with family until you can look after yourself.