I’m curious about how men perceive unexpected interactions from strangers in public or semi-public places.
For context: I’m a college student, and last night I got locked out of my room. While I was waiting for help, I noticed the RA on duty at the front desk is working on math problems during his shift. He looked really focused, and I didn’t want to interrupt his shift, so I handed him a small note with my number saying that if he was interested, I’d like to get to know him.
He took it, said ‘thank you,’ and I said ‘have a good night’ and basically ran away.
Here is what I put down on my note:
“Hi! I saw you working on math problems earlier while I was waiting at the desk — you seemed really focused and friendly. I didn’t want to interrupt your shift, but if possible; I’d love to get to know you more 🙂
( if you are taken or not interested, no worries at all! Wishing you a great night!)
—— [ name ] [ig] [number] [plus a doodled cartoon animal waving hand and say hi] ”
I know some women might feel unsafe or alarmed in that situation, but how do men typically experience it? Does it usually come off as creepy, neutral, or even flattering? And what specific factors make the interaction feel safe or uncomfortable?
I would think some people are trolling me or it’s an attempt to get my nudes to extort me for the last $26.53 in my bank account.
Not falling for that again.
Did it work the first time?
Whenever someone hits on me, I’m just flattered. It’s an ego boost.
Then generally I just move on with my life.
Relatable lol
Like wow thank you. In my head it’s all like life is complicated enough right now to focus on you.
I would absolutely see that as a pleasure.
I would have been both pleased and amused. Pleased that a person would approach me and give me their number, amused that the person did not even stick around enough for a proper introduction.
I will give you one example of my reaction when I was approached out of the blue by a woman. I had just returned home after 8 years in the army. I was sitting at the bar waiting for my food order. A woman tapped me on my shoulder, asked my name and invited me to join her and her friends at their table. Long story short, we celebrated our 33rd wedding anniversary last month.
Dude, that’s the best thing I’ve read all day. Congratulations! What a story. I hope my wife and I are lucky enough to have that time and more together. Thanks for sharing that.
It depends on how attractive they are. If they’re attractive, I feel flattered and happy. If they’re not attractive, I feel sad for them because I love and admire their confidence and feel bad that they won’t get what they’re looking for.
Women get the answer a million times and just outright deny the results
I would feel weird about an absolute stranger hitting on me, because it feels like it’s putting me on the spot to reciprocate or not, when I know **nothing** about them, and whether or not they’re emotionally stable, ect. Also, it’s generally not a good idea to hit on someone at a place they work, because if it gets awkward for them they still **have to** show up at that place, while you may be able to avoid them.
Having said all of that… Slipping someone a note with your number on it is one of the most low-pressure interactions possible, so I wouldn’t over think it. As long as you’re not going to go back and harass him if he *doesn’t* call you, you’re good 👍.
As a more general rule, I personally **really like when** a woman is willing to be the one to approach me, because so many women aren’t willing to risk rejection like that. I think more women should approach men they’re interested in. 👏
++ woman
Aww that makes sense — and yeah, I actually can’t avoid seeing him since he works at the front desk in my residential hall 😅and I will have to pass him to scan my ID card every time I get back to my dorm. 😅 it will be kinda awkward
When my wife had our second son 10 years ago I went out to get her Indian food while she was in the hospital.
Two women were on the sidewalk when I was going to the Indian restaurant and the one girl said, “my friend thinks you’re hot”.
Her friend was this beautiful black woman. Just gorgeous, lots of style. Really beautiful.
I thanked them and moved on. I was a little taken aback, tho, as I’m typically oblivious to female attention. It happens a lot, but I just can’t make sense out of someone being attracted to me (childhood trauma).
I still think about how good that made me feel 10 years later, though that day I just dutifully took Indian food back to my wife.
Men like being approached.
I love when women approach me. It’s very flattering.
Nothing wrong with the note, and good on you for having the courage, but your future interactions will be awkward if he doesn’t reciprocate. In situations like this you can avoid that by just introducing yourself and trying to engage with the guy. Maybe try to find some common interest and invite him to coffee. That’s basically what most guys do… intentions are usually understood, but it’s not demanding an immediate yes/no commitment of romantic interest.
Overall you did well though. Women can be very awkward when approaching guys, so I can understand using a note like that.