First of all, please no comments about the age, I am Very much aware of it, and the problematic gap.
And im trying to be vague as his brother uses reddit and might see this and rat me out before im ready to bring it up.
I’ve been, indecisive about our relationship for at least 2 years. There’s a lack of communication, affection. I’ve felt like a burden.
It’s a conversation I’ve tried talking to him about, but he would always turn it to "I don’t do enough" and I always end up being the one to apologize. At some point I just, gave up talking to him and started writing letters to myself whenever he would piss me off… after seeing 3 years of the same letters, seeing the lack of change in his behaviors compared to all the improvements I’ve made, I just feel like he stopped putting work into the relationship once he had the mentality I wasnt gonna leave?
I decided to ask my father in November if he would let me move in with him, if worst came to worst, and he said im always welcome, the issue is, its a Canadian winter, hes a 4 hour drive, so I have to wait until mid spring early summer before I can even think of moving, as I have 4 reptiles.
My issue is, when do I tell him I wanna leave?
I don’t wanna tell him now cause, we only have his bed, we don’t have a couch, or a spare mattress, I don’t want him knowing hes sleeping with someone who doesnt wanna be here…
But at the same time, I don’t want to just, drop this news last minute… its something I think he deserves the chance to sit on if that makes sense?
I have no malice towards him we just don’t mesh and I cant live with someone I don’t mesh with anymore.
You tell him when you’re a few days from leaving/packing and you have your dad or friends help you move. Otherwise, he will keep trying to manipulate you. I also dated an older men when I was your age. He won’t let you leave and he will guilt trip you.
I was gonna mention i felt like if I told him now he’d “magically change” and then once im secure, hell go back.
Unfortunately dad doesnt have his license yet, so this guy has to drive me to my dads… which is gonna be awkward but it’s better than pretending im OK when im not.
I don’t want him to get pissed about the abrupt leave, but I also don’t want him to manipulate me into false security.
> its something I think he deserves the chance to sit on if that makes sense?
Honestly? Not really. If he can’t change your mind, then there’s no point giving him a bunch of time and opportunity to try and argue with you or make you miserable until you are able to leave, and he’ll have plenty of time to sit with his mistakes after you’re gone. But I do think you should try and leave sooner rather than later if at all possible, so do what you can to figure out options that aren’t your dad before you have to just fall back on that, or see if there’s someone who can look after your pets temporarily while you settle in (or even longer term if need be, since I’m not sure what happens if you’re still in that area next winter and you can’t figure out some kind of way to keep them comfy).
Unfortunately the only person other than my boyfriend in my life is my father… hes the closest and safest option.
Not unfortunately, im great grateful my dads in my life, just don’t have any other options.
Tell him when you are ready to go & have everything setup to go.
Tbh, leave sooner. There is heating in home/car so maybe pets will be okay!?!
The thing is, he groomed you so you may have a lot of guilt. Tell him whenever and if you see yourself getting manipulated in staying,be prepared to just sneak out when he is out to work or something.