A few things to note- I am 28 and he is maybe 47+ (not entirely positive), married with children. We work very closely together (I am his assistant), and have worked together for a few years.
Within the past year I have noticed a shift in his behavior towards me- just generally more polite, kind, he seems more interested in me and my personal life where it all used to be about work before. He invited me to an event outside of work that his wife and children will also be attending which I made a separate post about and deleted because I felt people were being dramatic about it but now I’m not so sure.
He famously hates animals but decided in the last month to purchase a dog for his family and has me doing all the organizing for them (this is not in my job description at all but has kind of taken on a personal favor). It has put me in a situation where we text a lot outside of work, where we never had before, and he has now asked me to actually pick the dog up for him and bring it to his home.
I do know his wife and have spoken to her a few times but most of my contact goes through him. I just feel our relationship has gotten a lot more personal than I am really comfortable with and I am not positive that is totally friendly/because he trusts me or if there is more to it.
Advice?
Lol this is a little screwed up he has no boundaries… You’re not gonna say no…
Where do you think this is heading
Right, at the very least he has bad personal and professional boundaries.
She never really says how she feels about this and I dont think we can really give advice if we dont know what she wants.
He has her picking up the dog… It’s not her job.. Whilst yes she doesn’t say we can assume that she’s not confrontational and worried about her position… So not one where she’s empowered
This isn’t great she should run, start excusing herself from errands
Question: are you being compensated for the extra/new tasks?
I am a salary employee. Although it is not really my job or within our typical working hours I always make the same.
Genuinely curious…are you worried or hoping?
It’s obvious where his mind is at has a younger woman working for him, and if he’s a notorious animal hater and magically just got a dog out of the blue it was likely another reason for him to see you more he is showing some major red flags even though he hasn’t done anything yet I would steer clear as far as possible
If you have not yet responded to the request about picking the dog up, you can use it as an opportunity to control expectations. For example, you can say that you’re happy to help with arrangements, but that you feel that picking up the dog is a bit too far outside of your job description.
Whether he has a crush on you isn’t really relevant. The work dynamic has gotten uncomfortable for you, and it is okay to point that out by questioning what he is asking from you.
If he does have a crush and not really realizing that he is asking you to cross professional boundaries, by framing your response as part of your job he should be able to realize that you’re not reciprocating but simply doing your job.
50yo male here.
If he’s not hiding you from his wife and kids, it could simply be a case of trusting you enough.
If he trusts your judgement, then your views in other matters are trusted as those of a peer, so
maybe he’s begun comparing them to his own.
He’s close to my age, and I find myself increasingly unable to relate to a world that’s changed
so much and so quickly. Call it a midlife crisis of culture and the intellect, and maybe you’re
someone he’s leaning on, to try to better understand people/things around him.
The dog? Even if he hates dogs, his wife/kids may have wanted one.
If he hates dogs, he wouldn’t likely have dealt with buying one himself, hence tasking you.
You should have jokingly asked him if you’re getting hazard pay for dealing with a fanged beast,
to give him a chance to realize on his own that he should be compensating you. If it doesn’t
happen, consider telling him upfront that it is indeed extra work.
If you’re not comfortable, then you’re not comfortable, but consider that maybe you’re the one
making it weird like ‘that’.
I don’t know if he has a crush on you but you can feel uncomfortable with the dynamic even if you don’t know his motivations for the change.
I agree with the commenter that said this is a good time to start making your boundaries clear and decline the actual delivery of the dog.
People replying in these comments like they have never met a happy middle aged man. lol No, you idiots he is not getting a dog to get closer to her. Lmao