We’ve been together for 3 years and recently I graduated college.
After the night of my graduation party, my bf drove me back to my car and he brought up how he wished I was more competitive. We play fps games together and I typically just like to chit chat as I play so I don’t take the game seriously. He told me he thinks that if I’m not competitive in games, I wouldn’t be competitive in my career. He was afraid I didn’t have enough ambition in life and that I’m too care free. He said “I’ve only seen you be competitive when it comes to academics. Your GPA doesn’t matter once you graduate.” Which was so bizarre to me?
I told him I’ll be competitive about things that benefit me – when there’s a prize. I may not take games seriously but I take my life seriously. I worked my ass off to graduate debt free and maintain a good GPA for my scholarships. I worked my ass off every summer at several internships since high school. I worked my ass off so I could graduate with a full time offer lined up. And he had the audacity to question my ambition in my career and my life.
It was upsetting that I was having a great night after my graduation party and ended it in such a shitty way. I talked to him the day after and he apologized for thinking that way. He expressed that he felt impatient since we were in two different points in our lives. He’s been working in his career for 1.5 years now and he feels like I’m lagging behind.
I told him that it was a terrible reason to feel like that BECAUSE HE’S DATING SOMEONE YOUNGER SO DUH. It’s a given we’ll be in different points in our lives. And it’s not like I don’t have a plan for my future. I’m putting in the effort but it’s like he doesn’t even notice or care.
Ever since he started working corporate, I feel like he thinks of me as someone less than him. For example, we went to a restaurant with some friends and there was a wait for a table. So I wrote down my phone number on the waitlist and walked outside. My bf reminds me to turn my ringer on and that’s fine but he proceeds to tell me to give my phone to him because I’ll forget and miss the call. He acted like I’ve never been to a restaurant on my own before and don’t know how shit works. It rubbed me the wrong way.
I don’t want to be in a relationship with a man that thinks of me as less than him. I don’t want to be treated like I’m stupid. But I don’t want to leave him because I love him. Before he was working corporate, he thought highly of me and would always put me on this pedestal I felt I didn’t deserve. However things have changed and it feels like he belittles me now.
I already told him how I feel and he apologized so I hope things change. I want to stay with him, but I also keep thinking about ending the relationship. I want to talk to him again because the situation keeps lingering in my head but I’m not sure what to say anymore. How do I go about this situation?
Personally I would make it clear how you feel. Try to approach it from a “this makes me feel” way instead of “you do this” way, makes it less accusatory and opens conversation better
But also, this could be the end. My ex did this a little bit — he was only a few months older than me, but he acted like he knew SOOOO much more bc he was a school year ahead of me. Like he acted like he knew everything about university, but we had totally different experiences. And our last Christmas together, he essentially said he was more mature bc he’d received “more mature” books than I did (he received a book on stocks, and the last Chinese emperor. I received a Percy Jackson illustrated book and the throne of glass series which is adult fantasy). It was weird and kinda degrading
This entire story gives me the ick. I’d need to walk but since you’re saying you love him and can’t just walk away use the 3 strike model, he has 2 against him right now….
You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders and you know you can do better than this person who is begging and belittling you. I think you know what the best thing to do is.
You know my boyfriend at university was like this. Acted as if I was less than him. He thought he was smarter and better than me at almost everything.
We split but fast forward 15 years and I am doing very well for myself I a top career.
He is doing a job you dont even need a degree for that is badly paid and he has an ex wife who he was abusive to and cut him from contact with his kids.
Here endeth the lesson – it is his own insecurities making him put you down. Fast forward 10 years and see how great he is.
Dump him
Well if he’s changed his behavior that may be a glimmer of hope then. But it’s understandable to still think about leaving, because now he’s just belittling you silently in his head or possibly to other people. And you really don’t want to be with someone who thinks less of you because they’re on some kind of high horse and don’t want to acknowledge your efforts.