We were doing a quiz about each other for fun and stumbled upon the question of pregnancy scare, where I (M19) jokingly ask her if she (F18) has ever had one. For reference, we had previously spoken and made it clear we never had done any relations without condoms so I expected her to say no, instead she simply has a pause where, after asking her (in a more serious tone) if she has had one, she says yes. I ask how if she had a condom in her past encounters, where I again jokingly said if the condom broke, and she again paused before I questioned her to reveal yes. Apparently when he came it broke it and went inside her which I did not even think was possible to occur.
The entire situation is confusing me especially knowing the background on the encounter which alone had pissed me off when I found out, (she drove to meet him for the first time and hangout but snuck into his house at night where after she showered there he proceeded to remove her towel as she came out and they did it, and he sucked her toes when they did it as well which I don’t really find too comforting as that isn’t exactly something normal to do off meeting someone for the first time and without asking or speaking about it either. It just hurts to hear about this kind of past from a girl who I never would’ve expected it from seeing as she’s so quiet and not forward with me. It’s like everything I find out has to be the hard way. We had spoken about being each other’s first time raw and that I’d be the first to do it in her and now to be revealed this piece of info has just made me lose a piece of self esteem, of anticipation for a share first experience we both had agreed to.
Maybe it is our differences in past (I have 1 body from ex VS she has 3: 1 ex, 1 from this hookup situation, and 1 from a guy she spoke to and also hooked up with?) and I’ve never spoken to someone with any kind of past in the first place so it’s just a slap in the face to get accustomed to. I know people all have histories anyways and the past is the past but I think it’s the fact I’m finding the events out overtime by my own questioning that is making me feel this 100x more intense each time, it feels like each time I just get over it and forget it then a month or 2 later I learn a new thing. I really don’t want to lose my trust for her but I also just wonder what else she could be hiding from me.
I just want to know how to proceed with the whole situation, we began speaking January of last year and plan to visit her for 1st time in May, but I don’t want to be inflicting damage to myself or the relationship if I am the issue or if there is a greater problem to resolve. I am dedicated and willing to do what it’ll take to handle this better, I would just appreciate honest opinions or perspectives on the matter as well as advice.
I get why you’re feeling blindsided and hurt, and it makes sense that this is shaking your anticipation and trust. At the same time, I don’t think she’s necessarily in the wrong here. She was probably ashamed or scared to tell you about the pregnancy scare and that hookup, and now that she feels more comfortable with you, she’s opening up. The fact that she’s sharing this now instead of keeping it buried is actually a positive sign for trust, even if it’s hard to hear.
It’s natural to feel a little insecure or surprised by differences in pasts, especially when you envisioned being each other’s first in certain ways. The important thing is to focus on how she’s being honest now and how you both handle communication moving forward. Try not to let past events dictate how you feel about the present connection, because you’re in a space now where you can set boundaries and be open with each other.
Take it slow, be honest about your feelings without shaming her past, and make sure you’re both clear about expectations going forward. This is more about building trust and understanding each other than judging her for what happened before.
You are being immature OP. She was not born the moment you 2 met for the first time solely for the purpose of being your girlfriend. She had a life before you and will have a life after you. She took steps to have a safe sexual encounter and due to a mishap had a brief scare. You shaming her for this event or her past encounters shows a serious lack of maturity on your part. You are not holier than her because you’ve had one sexual partner and if being a virgin is a requirement for your relationships you need to leave this girl alone and go find someone else (hypocritical as it is since you yourself are not a virgin). Quit passing shame on someone for doing something you’ve done.
I can appreciate the feelings of insecurity absolutely – while I’ve had my fair share of hookups, my partner’s body count is in the hundreds lol, and they’ve done pretty much everything under the sun.
It can be a little frustrating to not have “firsts” that you can both share together, but that doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy YOUR firsts, right? Like there have been several things that my partner and I have done, that have been the first time for me. And it’s exciting to share that!
As for the whole condom breaking thing, I’m sure she was worried about your reaction. I can tell you from experience that condoms absolutely can break, and it’s not pleasant lol.
3 bodies at 18. 2 from hookups is insane. Dude, you’re going to KEEP finding things out.
It’s going to feel like a punch in the gut every time. If you really want to be with her, stop asking questions. You’ll have to be somewhat deliberately ignorant.
If you were my brother, I’d tell you to breakup with her. Y’all don’t have the same experience and foundation at your age. There’s absolutely zero reason to put yourself through that pain.
Find someone on your level man. You will always wonder what else she did or what more do you not know. Take it from me.
Insane how ?
How is that insane? A legal adult? Having casual sex? With a whopping… two people!
If you dont like hookup culture, thats fine. Not my cup of tea, either. But lets not act like this is abnormal, especially when its pretty tame.
There’s never a good reason to slut shame someone but over 2 hookups? Really?
Right? Especially when women typically end up having sex younger, too. If anything, its a good sign that shes always valued safe sex. A pregnancy scare is nothing
Sounds like someone needs to do some self reflecting, not dating.
No, he just needs to find somebody he’s more compatible with. Dude is clearly hurt. His feelings are valid.
YOR. But also, are you long distance and still haven’t met? If so, just break up and date someone nearby.