I want to preface this by saying I’m sorry in advance for any grammatical errors in this, I’m feeling really emotional right now. My (F20) gf moved in with me a few months ago and I (M19) moved in by myself the summer of 2025. We’ve always had a really good relationship, she’s my best friend and truly the light of my life. Without her I wouldn’t even be here right now, I love her more than anything and I’d burn the world for her.
At the start of our relationship we laid down our boundaries and talked about what’s okay and what isn’t. One of our mutual boundaries was that we didn’t want each other getting super close with people of the opposite sex. The reason for this was because her and I were best friends for a year before getting together and we both shared the sentiment that two people of the opposing sex can’t be friends without catching feelings. You may have your own opinion about that but that’s what we agreed on and that’s it. For her birthday last year I bought her a PS5 and her and I would play video games together. We made friends with this guy and girl and blah blah long story short it’s now just her and the guy that play video games. I have also expressed to her that I don’t like it when she duos with him or any guy period because to me that’s the same as being on the phone or hanging out and call me insecure, I’m tying that to our mutual boundary that was set. I’ve reminded her 3 times in the last three months about how I feel and each time she plays dumb like she forgot and says she’ll stop, give it a few days and she’s back. She used to just play Valorant and I got to the point where I was like fuck it whatever there’s five people it’s not like it’s just them plus she CLEARLY doesn’t care so what can I do. The other day I found out they’ve been playing Roblox together and they’re playing a specific game that only her and I used to play. Every time I hear her giggle or laugh it hurts because I feel so angry and jealous. She works part time and her shifts are 8h shifts twice a week so she’s home all day. She doesn’t do any chores, she hasn’t cooked in a while either and all she does is play video games. I’ll leave for work and she’s asleep next to me, so come home and she’s playing, eat dinner by myself, go to bed by myself. I basically live alone it feels like. She doesn’t make any attempt to do things with me even though I leave hints like hey do you wanna go watch a movie (we used to love going to the movies together) or get dinner? And she’s like nah. I stopped asking her to come watch a movie with me because she has way more fun on the game. Our sex life is completely dead which makes sense when I’m going to bed at 12 the latest because I have work and she’s gaming till the sun comes up. Our sex life isn’t a big deal to me but the fact that my girlfriend feels like my roommate is what hurts. Every time I talk to her she’s “mid clutch” or it’s a “ugh what?” I feel like shit every time I talk to her. Not only that but the times where it is just her and me she’s always texting that guy that we used to play with or on her phone. I just wanna have a fucking conversation but there’s nothing to talk about. I feel disgust at myself because I feel like it’s my fault and I feel anger towards her because she’s not giving me anything. It feels like our 100%/100% has turned into a 0%/100%. I love her so much I don’t know what to do. I feel like I’m going insane. I smoke every night just to fall asleep because otherwise I end up super anxious and crying myself to sleep.
I don’t know if anyone else has had similar experiences or anything at all like it but any and all advice is welcome.
You can’t ban her from keeping this male friend.
If you see it as a violation of the boundaries you guys laid out early on, then so be it. That means it’s time for you to decide if the violation of these boundaries represent a dealbreaker.
But it sounds like you have made your discomfort known and she is not choosing to change this dynamic, so here you are. Your girlfriend has a gaming buddy who is male, and you need to decide if you are willing to be with someone who has a gaming buddy who is male.
It feels like it isn’t that simple though, I’ve decided that them playing isn’t a big deal but it’s every day all day and all night, I took the day off work today and was hoping we could do something as a couple but she’s been playing for about seven hours now. I asked if she wanted to get food or ice cream and she was “mid clutch” AGAIN so I just came to the room. It feels like I’m being pushed away.
I feel like it is that simple.
She is neglecting your needs and prioritizing her gaming hobby over your relationship. It sucks but it is what it is.
You still have a choice on whether or not this is a relationship you want, but it’s clear that this is the dynamic that is on offer.
You’ve been trying, man. She doesn’t want the status quo to change. You can accept it or not, but you can’t magic someone into behaving how you want them to.
I guess you’re not wrong, thank you.
You’re welcome. I’m rooting for you OP.
It is not too much to ask for a partner who wants to spend time with you.
Just for discussion, if she was spending the she time playing games but not with a guy, would that be okay?
Because the problem seems to be that she isn’t investing much time/energy into the relationship, not this guy specifically.
From my point of view.. your girlfriend has already left you emotionally. All that remains is for you to get your keys back. When two people are really together, they share their lives with each other… not with other people. If anything, from your description you are living a parallel life with your gf, not an intimate one.