For some context im f 30, my husband is m 32 and we have a baby together. Husband has given gifts to other coworkers before. Usually he will make gift baskets, as in a thank you for preceptorship or job training. This was almost two years ago when he started his job. But recently he had to call out for me and his baby.
Today, I overheard husband on the phone. He asked his sister to bring home chocolates from her job. He said they were a gift. After his sister asked who they were for he said his coworker. After talking to Husband, he said the chocolates were for his boss as a thank you for responding to his email after calling out of work. This isnt his first time calling out or asking for time off for me and baby. But this is his first time giving chocolates for a call out. Is this appropriate?
I think gifts should flow from top to bottom in a workplace, not upwards, so not appropriate. But I don’t think that is why you’re asking. Is this the only reason you’re skeptical?
Im the jealous type. Im skeptical because I think hes lying. This isnt the first call out but now you want to give her chocolates for doing her job? He also used to give me the same chocolates when we first started dating ( we met at work).
He’s calling out during the holidays which are a peak time people ask off. I have given thank you gifts of chocolate or other things for the full year of people covering/team mates. I have given to a boss but typically I give to coworkers more. Gifts going upward are a little strange, and not unheard of. Are there other things that make you think you cannot trust him? Honestly if I saw this, I would think at most it was trying to brown-nose a little bit is all.
Personally I stopped doing chocolates, gift baskets, cooking for holidays etc because I realized that people were not taking me seriously. The vibe was wrong.
The higher that you go in an organization, the more that you play the favours and leverage game. So chocolates shows that he has not grasped that yet.
Like he calls out a lot because he has a baby? A box of chocolates is not going to fix that.
His manager is giving him leeway for any number of reasons that range from… understanding that it’s a temporary situation from a good worker so not wanting to go through the hassle of performance managing him… to expecting him to work the horrible shifts without complaint when he is tapped on the shoulder.
Your question alludes to whether your husband might be cheating on you. My response is that he should hold back on the chocolates for professional reasons.
I think it’s inappropriate mostly because it is completely unnecessary and it may send off a wrong message even if it is a gift with good intentions.
I would be skeptical as well.
Yes stop over thinking it
Unless I misread, they’re for _his boss_ not a coworker, and he ordered them from his own sister so it’s not really a secret. It sounds like he likes to give thank you gifts, and maybe this particular time they were in a crunch or the timing was bad and he felt the boss deserved a big thank you. Sounds reasonable to me, but maybe a bit odd professionally, but if that’s the way he shows he cares then it’s no big deal.
So he has done it for other people in the past and now he’s done it again? It’s for a woman so it must be something else this time?
You are definitely over-thinking this one.
Also, admitting you are the jealous type usually means your gut feeling is going to bases in jealousy. Not reality.
Inappropriate for sure. Also, why the constant giftgiving over stupid things?
That is NOT normal behavior for a man and definitely not for a married one.
Does he give chocolates to every coworker for similar things?
At the end of the day, who is thinking about their coworkers enough to decide to bring a gift?
I can show empathy and support for situations, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to spend money on making them feel better.
That is for my loved ones and friends.
Not a coworker.
I’ve given small boxes of chocolates and/or cookies to bosses & coworkers, as a little thank you for a kindness.
I’ve also gave chocolates to the PT staff where I get therapy, after checking with a Nurse friend. She said food/candy is always appreciated.
Unless you have some reason to mistrust your Husband, think this is on you.
I don’t think it’s inappropriate. Unnecessary but not odd in any way. It’s just a thank you