i 26F have began dating my partner M28 about 2/3 years ago. we were great honestly he’s perfect. we started having issues and so we broke up around 6 months ago. no contact for the most part. we decided this week to try again.
Within that seperation time, he got a new great career, his family support (he’s always had this) he has his hobby, new friends, a child, he’s physically healthy.
i have done …. nothing during this separation. i didn’t grow. i’m not okay without him. i didn’t move on at all, i cried almost everyday, it didn’t get easier.
he became okay or was able to be “okay” not with me.
he’s super busy with this new career, it’s his entire life pretty much.
I’m so fixated on him, i overthink him, i love him so much i feel like im insane. i’m jealous, so jealous of him to the point i want him to not succeed. (id never do anything to interfere with this or tell him that) im not happy for him. i feel like just a loser. i didnt grow, im doing the same things as before, i feel lost. i thought about him every second we weren’t together, i think about him now even more. i basically am a servant (he doesn’t treat me bad) to him. he’s able to keep our relationship in a compartment so he can continue his life without becoming emotionally upset over me. i cant do that. i’m in general an emotional person – i cry over everything – something cute, sweet, scary, sad, etc. then i self sabotage myself. called out of work for today because i can’t stop crying. i had volunteer work earlier today, i cried the entire time. i want to die, i have no family, small circle of friends (thankful), a bs job, no progress. therapy doesn’t help and i’m on medication. physically and eating better doesn’t help. my life is stuck, i can’t move forward, im not progressing or growing. i never had a break up like this, i never felt pain like this. i’m so heartbroken and wish things were different. he says we need to take it slow and live in the moment, just enjoy each other. i can’t i don’t even know how. i been crying for hours. please help
You are too codependent. You need to find your happiness that doesn’t depend on staying with him. Work on yourself and give it time.
i agree with you, my codependency is insanely unhealthy. i do recognize this for sure. i don’t know how to work on myself? i know that sounds silly and im here to get insight or advice. I don’t have anything that makes me happy besides my cats. the gym, hiking, art, reading, going out, cleaning – all used to make me happy or feel joy. now nothing. it all seems like a chore that doesn’t distract my mind. it’s like i am obsessed with him and thinking about him.
Get a better therapist and find some healthy hobbies to keep you busy instead of being so fixated on him. Get a better job to and start investing in improving yourself.
thank you for the response. i just started 2 new jobs recently and there both decent jobs, just nothing compared to his. hobbies dont distract me and i dont find joy. my apologizes if this sounds more childish than i want it to
Stop comparing yourself to him, he’s just a guy. Maybe join some sort of support group where there are people that can help you. Get a life coach or mentor to help get you in the right direction. You need to be around inspiring people. Heck even a personal fitness trainer might help you get some motivation back in your life. You mentioned you’re on meds to these could have an affect on your mood?
i think if i could stop comparing myself i would but i just don’t know how.. working out seems pointless because whats the point of looking or being healthy when im mentally not okay.. and no i been on the same medication for awhile and found my perfect mix. they help a lot truly. this just seems to overcome any relief i have from them.