I know my gf of 5 years wants to get married eventually and I am not against it. I love her and we have a great relationship. I can see myself with her.
My only hurdle is I don’t have any cultural, family or personal rites/connections to marriage. My parents are together still, but it’s not an intimate marriage by any means. I’m pretty average joe American and have been to few or no marriages with cultural specific ceremonies. I don’t think state sanctioned or church sanctioned marriage means much.
The couples in my life I have looked up to were just together forever, maybe they get married to celebrate their love but it’s usually in non spectacular events. Just kind of poor romantic creatives who didn’t do the traditional thing. Bohemians, if you will. Punks or weirdos.
The first dance, aisle walk, pageantry and themes of a traditional wedding is not particularly interesting to me but I would do it for my partner – but I don’t want to seem like I’m phoning it in.
I don’t love being the center of attention and am not outwardly affectionate I. Public, despite our good relationship. How did yall married folk pull yourself up for the ceremony??
I want to give her the day she wants but I don’t want to be insincere
During the day and planning.
Most men aren’t excited. They just do it because they know it will make their future wife happy.
In matters of the heart, the fact that I can do something that contributes to the joy of my wife is usually enough for me to get over my shit and get into it.
I understand and agree with this, just wonder if someone has insight or different views on marriage to ‘get into it’. For me time together is enough, but I understand people valuing the ceremony and commitment.
I’ll do it for her – just want to see the tradition in a new light if I could.
Let yourself be excited for her, if nothing else.
You do it the same way you do anything else that you aren’t excited by, but someone you love is counting on involvement and support. If you have kids someday and they have a soccer game on a Saturday morning, I guarantee you aren’t going to find it very interesting. But your job is to be there and ACT interested.
I don’t like to be the center of attention. I don’t like pictures of myself. My husband had never seen me in a dress before. A wedding was important to him for various reasons. I wanted to be married to him so much that I put that dress on and smiled for the camera. It was sincere. I loved him enough to let someone put makeup on me and poof my hair. If you love her and want to be with her forever, I can’t imagine not giving her that experience.
I am not combating the experience, just looking for new perspectives on the tradition/day. I suppose trying to change my mind on the idea as a whole. I would give up solid foods and soft blankets for her if needed, I can stand and smile for a day!
You got this then. It’s a way to show her and everyone else how you feel and what you intend. I think you will be surprised by how you feel in the moment.
The first three answers cover pretty much everything. Learning to value and enjoy the things your loved ones value is a fantastic thing to learn and I’d say essential to a successful relationship.
Weddings are the most reliable times I get to see elusive friends, some of whom I haven’t seen in years. When else do you get to collect groups of friends who aren’t normally together anymore?
Be excited for her excitement. I’d say don’t be dishonest, but make that clear distinction, it’s not spending your life together that you’re not fussed over, it’s just the pageantry of the thing doesn’t appeal to you. If she can’t at least accept that and meet you part of the way there, then that is a problem on her side, not yours.
no one cares about the groom… just show up you will be fine
Love this advice for me 😮💨
It was easier for me because my husband and I both just wanted a small thing with our parents. But I would say remember it’s your day too. Your wife isn’t the only person getting married. If there’s something that you’re really uncomfortable with, speak up. But the rest of it is compromise. I really didn’t want to wear a white dress, but it was important to my husband so I did it, because it was his dream day too.