I (29F) am genuinely asking this as I’ve been in a 10-year relationship with my husband (M39) since I was 19 and this is all I really know… (married for only 2 years)
He is a bad alcoholic, like 100+ proof whiskey every single night. He also has a bad porn addiction that he’s become much more clever about hiding (knowing I consider it cheating – keep reading as to why). I’m not boasting but I am fairly attractive/fit (no insecurities) and he seems to prefer the p\*rn over me the past 2-3 years. It wouldn’t be an issue if he still wanted to have s3x but it feels like it has replaced me…
When confronted he gets angry and says I should be grateful for everything we have and he wasn’t looking at porn etc. he gaslights the hell out of me and blatantly lies.
My confidence has been destroyed, the trust is obviously destroyed and I literally don’t believe anything he says. He constantly lies about p\*rn and alcohol. I see no end in sight and don’t feel safe since it has gotten physical a few times.
PLEASE, men, let me know why this is happening and if I should leave now or if there is any hope because I’ve lost all of it and am ready to file for a divorce.
Thanks in advance!
Honestly why are you with him
You’re not even 30, you’ve got your whole life ahead of you. Do you want to spend it with him?
Nothing. Do Nothing with him.
19 and 29. Yikes.
Uh, he’s 39. He’s not gonna get better, this is who he is. Make a plan to leave when he’s not around to confront you. Alcohol and anger issues= danger.
Getting physical with you should be a reason enough for you to leave. Sounds like he’s your first love. Trust me girl, there’s someone who will treat you better out there.
In my opinion porn is ok. But if he’s not even engaging with you sexually there’s definitely a problem.
Divorce and move on. You have so much life ahead of you.
Stories like this just read as so fictional…but if true, you either leave him or accept this is your reality. He got with you when he was 29 and you were 19, from the jump he has likely had an idea that whatever he says goes and you’ll be satisfied with it. Best of luck.
He ___sounds___ an alcoholic with a porn addiction. So… Let me be an alcoholic with a porn addiction…
If you’re truly a fairly attractive/fit 29yr old female.
You’re better off single.
If it has already gotten physical you need to leave.
Please get out. National Domestic hotline is
800.799.SAFE (7233).
Divorce. He started dating you as a 30 year old. That was already a bad sign.
Ummmm, lets disregard the porn and liquor. You said it has gotten physical a few times, that’s red flag enough, protect yourself and get out now while you are able to!
Ya unlike most on here, I don’t tell everyone to get a divorce as soon as there are problems, but once things get physical it’s time to go.
How I finally got myself out of a 13 year bad relationship (alcohol and porn being big issues), was imagining I stayed another 10 years. Can you imagine putting yourself through another 10 years of that? Being 40 and regretting all the time you wasted on him. You can’t get those years back. Don’t do that to yourself.
L E A V E