My fiancé and I are having a very small wedding ceremony. It’s not a big event at all, and even most of my own family won’t be there. We just wanted something peaceful with a small group of people who are genuinely happy for us.
The issue is with my fiancé’s sister.
My fiancé and I had just moved in together when this situation started. We moved in about six months into our relationship. Shortly after the move, his sister came to visit, and that’s when the tension began. During that time our dogs were still adjusting to the new house and environment, and I mentioned that having people over very frequently could feel overwhelming while everything was settling. So far her to plan family outing at her moms house instead of ours all the time. Because she stayed with us. Her mom or dad did not want her with them because shes always trouble.
Apparently this was taken as disrespectful toward their mom. But my intention was never to say she wasn’t welcome only that things felt a little chaotic while we were adjusting to the move and the dogs settling in.
I actually spoke to their mom directly and apologized if my words came across the wrong way, and We are completely fine and have had no issues since.
My fiancé’s sister became very upset and things escalated. She has called me names, spread things about me that weren’t true, and created a lot of tension between people.
From what I’ve seen, this also isn’t unusual behavior. She has had similar drama with her other brother and his wife before, and I’ve heard from others that conflicts like this have happened with friends too. Even recently I’ve had friends tell me they were hesitant about coming to the wedding because of HER.
she lives far away, so she’s not very involved in our day-to-day lives.
Something else confusing for me is that it sometimes feels like she may be in some kind of competition with me. After she heard that we would like to have a baby someday (not anytime soon, probably a few years from now after the wedding and everything), she rushed to see a fertility doctor and was told she may need to freeze her eggs.
For context, she is 33 and has been dating a 23-year-old who currently has no interest in leaving his parents’ house to live with her. She has also been talking about planning a wedding herself even though they are not engaged.
Recently she reached out to apologize and said she wanted to have an open conversation. I responded respectfully and thanked her for apologizing, but I also explained that because the wedding is very small and because of everything that has happened, we were keeping our decision about the guest list.
After that, the tone shifted again.
So Reddit, AITA for not inviting my fiancé’s sister to our small wedding after everything that has happened? Fiance and I are both in agreement but I do feel bad
Well, you’ll just be creating more drama with the parents.
Something to decide if you want to live with.
The mom and siblings all agree with us. The dad is divorced from the mom and dont like me or his other daughter in law.
It sounds like SIL’s behavior is well known and the parents are understanding so I’d say NTA.
Take a breath. Take another one. Now – image your wedding. The one you want. Is she there?
No? Then don’t invite her. And tell everyone who IS invited not to discuss your wedding with anyone. That there are several problematic individuals at play – so you are counting on them to protect the details about YOUR event. When in doubt – assume no one else knows.
Forgot – NTA.
NTA
…but only because it seems your fiancé is on the same page with you.
Weddings always upset someone in the family, fact. It’s not about anyone else on that day, it’s about you and you shouldn’t lose sight of that.
Just to say,
Your husband to be should be the one to deliver this news to his sister/ family. It does make you look like a villain. Tel him he needs to handle it.
He did. Then she still wanted to talk to me about it. She only decided to apologized once she realized she wasnt invited and seems shes more worried what people will think if her not being there than actually wanted to.cherish us
NTA since your fiance agrees.
When it comes to weddings, there are two kinds of “difficult” people:
* those where you avoid drama by not inviting them
* those where you invite drama by not inviting them–suddenly the wedding becomes all about them and why they are not there and their feelings and whether you’re being reasonable or not and if this is a sign you will divorce soon
I think since other people say they don’t want to come if SIL is there, she is firmly in the first category. But at least think about it since your prior attempt to uninvite her from something went sideways.
NTA, she sounds unstable. Stick to your guns.
NTA. But paragraphs please
You should be letting you fiancé deal with his family. Her invite to the wedding should be your fiancé’s call. If she’s not going to be invited then it’s on your fiancé to let her know. Anything to do with “difficult” members of your future inlaws should be dealt with by your fiancé. This way of doing things gives you an obvious “out” when complaints come up.
In all honesty, I feel this is not your choice to make. Let your fiancé make the decsion and then support them in the decision they make. YWBTA to do it any other way.
NTA. It’s your fiancé’s sister. Let him make the decision. Since he agrees with you, he has likely experienced her drama too many times already. But, I agree with whoever else mentioned to not talk to her about it, and maybe encourage others who you want to attend to also not mention the plans to her. Things might get tricky with his parents, grandparents, and other siblings he does want to come. If he is willing, he should be the one to deal with his family. He knows their family culture and how to deal with them.
NTA. We don’t have to be nice and include people who display harmful and malicious behaviour to us. We don’t have to be the bigger person and we don’t have to make exceptions.