I’ll try to keep this as unbaised as possible because I’m not sure if I’d be in the wrong or not. So here it goes:
I do not eat meat, my bf does. I am completely okay with him eating whatever he wants to eat and normally it’s fine but recently I feel bad that we don’t ever seem to share a nice dinner. He recently brought home ingredients for a hotpot and I would really like to share the hotpot but he insists on adding meat into it. I’d rather cook the meat separately for him to eat with the meal and am willing to help cook it or whatever. But he insists he has to eat it with meat and can’t eat a meal without it specifically in the pot. I asked him about it and he shot the possibility down very fast.
I would really like to share a meal with him but I suppose I feel a bit conflicted in asking for him to eat it separately just so that I can be comfortable to share the meal. Am I being stupid here and an ass for it? I really don’t want to be entitled and stuff but I also would really like to enjoy a meal with my boyfriend and eat the same thing. I tried talking about it and he just sorta blew me off so I’m not entirely confident if I am being rude or not.
TL;DR – Bf wants meat in hotpot. I’d like to have meat on the side so we can share. BF says its a nonstarter.
UPDATE: We had a nice little talk. I didn’t mention this whole reddit thingy but it gave me a lot of insight into cooking meat and we’re gonna try it again in the future with meat as a side option as a pretty reasonable compromise. It was a grand talk and he didn’t realize how much I liked to share meals and now that everything is hopefully set up for a good future. Hooray for problem solving and happy endings 🥰
Thanks everyone for the insight, comments, and helpful suggestions.
Info: why can’t you enjoy a meal together just because you’re not eating the same thing?
Agreed. I think I can count on one hand how many times my wife and I were dining out for dinner that we actually chose the same entree and same sides. I didn’t appreciate the date less because we didn’t eat the same food.
Also there is something to be said about having the meat cook with the other ingredients rather than cook separately and then mix in after. Sorry but its not the same quality of dish.
YTA. Why does it have to be hotpot? I’m a meat eater who really enjoys eating vegetarian food too. The point of the hotpot is to cook everything together so the flavor bleeds in to everything. If you want to have a meal together suggest a night where you eat indian or thai, which have incredible vegetarian dishes.
NAH.
>He recently brought home ingredients for a hotpot and I would really like to share the hotpot but he insists on adding meat into it.
The guy specifically went out and shopped for a special meal that he planned to make himself. Its not unreasonable that he doesn’t want to cater to your tastes. I mean he planned it, paid for it, and is going to cook it. If he was asking you to cook, I would feel differently.
>I would really like to share a meal with him but I suppose I feel a bit conflicted in asking for him to eat it separately just so that I can be comfortable to share the meal
its fine for you to ask. its fine for him to decline. Not ever meal needs to be shared and it sounds like you could just make your own pot of broth instead of trying to share his while kicking his meat out.
>I really don’t want to be entitled and stuff but I also would really like to enjoy a meal with my boyfriend and eat the same thing.
The problem is you want to “eat the same thing”, but that means HE has to eat what YOU want. On a meal he planned. and bought. and cooked. How is that fair that you get to show up and demand that he changes his dinner so you can enjoy it?
> tried talking about it and he just sorta blew me off
It sounds like he clearly said no, which isn’t blowing you off. Its declining to give you what you want.
>Bf wants meat in hotpot. I’d like to have meat on the side so we can share. BF says its a nonstarter.
So make your own hot pot?
And even asking for the meat to be cooked ahead of the meal is silly. Cooking the meat in the broth is a big part of hot pot. I get that OP was trying to SEEM like she was compromising… but in all reality the BF would be the only one compromising anything. OP is just saying she wants it her way and then claiming it’s a compromise. It’s not.
Completely agree. OP was trying to phrase her demand that her boyfriend change the meal he planned as some “I just want to eat together” nonsense.
She just wants some hot pot and doesn’t want to make her own.
This! OP isn’t saying he’s uncompromising about every meal, just about this one. He’s made a big effort to make something very specific, which would be altered significantly if he changed the recipe. OP wants to share this meal, but her compromise involves ruining the meal for him. It really isn’t the same to cook it without meat.
Big picture, though, it’s something OP should think about. I’ve found it difficult dating people with very significant differences in food preferences (whether they have restrictions or are just picky eaters), because it does mean you can’t share foods and going out to eat can become cumbersome. It’s enough that it’s a dealbreaker for me, not because I feel like they need to change their preferences, but because it becomes this constant impediment to doing something I really enjoy, which is trying new restaurants/foods or cooking for my partner and I.
I feel like there’s a lot of missing info here. It sounds like he specifically went out and planned to do a hotpot meal. It doesn’t sound like he’s saying “no” to eating a fully vegetarian meal together another time aside from this specifical meal he planned.
Why don’t you get a split hot pot? He cooks meat on one side, you have vegetarian on the other? It’s what I use for different soup bases with friends too. Lots of options, like https://u.yami.com/38883190
YTA.
You were not asking your boyfriend to share a vegetarian meal. You were asking him to change the meal he had already planned and shopped for.
Try planning a meal together which is either fully vegetarian (something he will still like) or where meat can be on the side, cooked separately.
NAH. He planned it, bought all the ingredients and you’re essentially trying to muscle in on his plans. You’re allowed to ask, he’s allowed to say no. Make your own if you want to share a meal with him.
Is this Chinese hot pot where you cook the food at the table? There is a very simple solution to your problem. There are divided pots for hot pot that are literally spit down the middle. It’s used so diners can have two broths, usually spicy once side and mild the other side. You guys can have hot pot together and have one veggie only side and one meat side. This way you guys can have a meal together and he doesn’t have to give up meat.
N T A for wanting to eat the same meal as your BF.
However, YTA for wanting him to change the plan he already had for the hot pot. He planned it, purchased the ingredients, and as an assumption, will be the one to cook it as well.
If you wish to share meals with him that are the same, you need to plan it, cook it, and share it. Otherwise, yeah you would be the AH to demand him put forth the effort.
There’s nothing wrong with skipping some meat in meals, just as there’s nothing wrong with eating meat.
Honestly, you definitely chose the wrong meal to ask this about, there are many other meals where a meat and a veggie version are just as good as each other or the meat can be separate on the side, hotpot is not one of them.
The fact he had already planned his hotpot, bought the ingredients, was probably looking forward to (and which you then tried to hijack) made him dig his heels in, this should have been a conversation without a specific meal in mind