My brother (25) and I (22) both live at home. My brother just got our of the military and sord his car before coming home. Our parents have 2 vehicles, dad has a big truck and mom has a small car. Since he didn’t have one mom said he could use her car whenever he needed. My dad takes his truck to work everyday so mom’s car is really the only option anyway. I had no problem with this cuz I don’t really go out much. The problem is that he takes the car to his girlfriends house and is gone all week, leaving our mom and I, who are both disabled, stranded without a car. I’m in a wheelchair and my mom uses a walker so walking to a bus stop isn’t really an option for us. My mom keeps saying ‘it’s okay’ ‘I want him to use it’ but he is making no effort to buy his own car. WIBTA for talking to him about constantly taking the car for weeks at a time?
You WNBTA. Leaving disabled people stranded is an awful thing to do, especially if he has the means to purchase has own car as you have implied. For your mothers sake ask him to be more considerate
It’s really not up to you. The owner of the car literally said she wants him to have the car. Even if you ask him she’s going to keep telling him to take the car.
Yes, this is your mom’s car and she gave (and is continuing to give) permission. You can take it up with your mom if you want access to the car. Perhaps you could offer to drive your brother to his girlfriend’s house and pick him up so the car isn’t gone for days.
Could you suggest driving him to his gf if he is going to be gone for days? NTA. Yes it’s your mum’s car, but you are both dependent on it. He is being utterly selfish.
YWBTA
Talk to your mom – SHE allowed him to use HER car.
your mom is causing this problem, not your brother.
I disagree. When someone loans you someone when you need it, you only use it when you actually NEED it. He does not NEED to go stay the full week with his girlfriend and hog a car that IS NOT HIS. It’s entitled on his part.
YWNBTA, but I doubt if it will be of any use as long as your mom is not on board.
Your brother will probably just go to your mom and say “OP says it is a problem if I have a car, what’s up with that?” and your mom will go “No, no, it’s okay, please use it”.
You have to get your mom on board with saying he cannot leave you without a car, i.e. that he can use it but has to ask before each use, for a specific duration (“I want to go run some errants, I’ll bring it back by 5 p.m”, or “Is it ok if I stay overnight at my GF, I’ll bring it back early tomorrow”, etc.), not a blanket “whenever he needs it”, so that you are able to make plans of your own for going places with it. And he has to stick to his promises else he’ll lose use of it.
Not your car. Mom needs to speak up and put her foot down and, you know, parent.
I F N O
NTA but I don’t think it’s going get you anywhere
Have you talk to your m about this? How does she feel about it?
Whenever I bring it up to her she says ‘It won’t be forever’ and leaves it at that
YWNBTA simply for talking about it to your brother to see if a compromise can be made. At the face of it, it does sound like he is being quite selfish leaving his disabled mother and brother without a vehicle, IF you are in need of one. That said, you mention you don’t really need to go out that much anyway, and by the sounds of it, neither does your mum. Maybe you can find alternate transport for the rare occasions you need it, while letting someone who does need to go out regularly, enjoy the car.
YWBTA if you started making demands on a car that is not yours; a car whose owner has very clearly stated your brother is allowed to use it when and how he pleases.
Your folks need to band together and speak to your brother to lay down some boundaries.
If he wants to use the car, he has to get permission in advance from a parent and he has to return the car within 24 hours (or some short time frame).
If he’s spending the entire week at his GF’s house, it sounds like he doesn’t have a FT job. He needs to spend the money he got from the sale of his car to to buy himself a beater. And he needs to get a job either way.
Can you drive the car? I suspect your brother is not going to comprehend how you and mom being car-less leaves you isolated and stranded until HE experiences it.
So make him experience it.
Watch for patterns. Does he usually take the car Monday afternoons? Then take the car at 11AM to run some errands. Take forever to run the errands. (dry cleaner, book store, coffee shop, and final stop is at the grocery store. Come home after 3 pm (4-5 would be better) with groceries. Hopefully bro is angry and frustrated because he’s late for girlfriend. (Not a job… that would be mean)
As you unload the groceries ask him how uncomfortable was it not being ABLE to leave. Point out that when HE takes the vehicle he’s stranding you and his mother for not hours but entire days. So Bro – start being more aware of other people in the house and stop being a selfish user. Bring the car back so you can do things like grocery shop, go to the doctor, the dentist, the pharmacy.
Forgot the important part — NTA
You WBTA. What you have here, is not a brother issue, but a mother issue. Objectively, your brother is being a selfish tool. But at the end of the day, it’s your mother’s car.
You need to talk to your mother and father about how your brother’s habit of taking the car off for a week at a time impacts you and your mother (if it does). Bring up specific impacts, like “mom needed to go to the store, but was unable to” or “mom wanted to visit her sister, but was unable to”. Ask them to place some reasonable boundaries on your brother’s use of her car, like he is welcome to use it but must bring it back each night and ask your mom about any plans involving her car before using it the next day.
At the end of the day, it’s your mother’s car, and if she maintains “I want him to use it” and “it’s OK”, it’s really not your place to object. You would cause friction with your brother for no reason, as he would very likely say “it’s mom’s car and she says it’s OK”.