My (21F) birthday was a week ago. A friend of mine (23F) has the same birthday as me. I got birthday texts from a few friends but not from a specific group of them, her included. I texted her ‘Happy Birthday!!!‘ and she read it, but didn’t respond. No thank you, nothing. That night, she posts on Instagram and it’s photos of her and several of our mutual friends, only one of whom messaged me to tell me happy birthday. No one else that was there did. Now, I know I’m not properly close with any of them the same way that she is, but I figured we were at least friendly enough to get a text message? I haven’t seen anyone involved in person because I’ve been working so much the past few days, but we’re in several group chats together and they’ve been acting normally in those chats. WIBTA for calling them out?
not worth the drama if you don’t feel like they’re close enough friends just let it go
I’m just annoyed because I didn’t even get a text from the other birthday girl, considering I spent my birthday last year planning a surprise party for her birthday.
YTA for expecting people to tell you HB.
Which, btw…happy belated birthday.
You aren’t a kid anymore. As you get older, fewer and fewer people will care it’s your birthday. Usually just extremely close friends and family.
Hell, and then you stop caring about your own birthday after a bit more.
NYWBTA no you wouldn’t be the asshole if you let your friends know that it upset you that they didn’t wish you happy birthday – as long as you could do it without escalating/with openness and curiousity
My question to you is – what is the result you want? In my experience, there isn’t a lot of percentage in asking people who I am not close to give me specific kinds of attention
These kind of requests are usually heard best by closer friends. These people don’t sound very close to you. If you tell folks that are not close to you that you’re upset they didn’t wish you happy birthday it may just create anxiety/tension
My advice is to let folks you feel close to know if they hurt your feelings and for other folks let it go.
I wouldn’t mention but I also wouldn’t send any of them a birthday wish on their birthdays.
YWBTA
You’re an adult now. Wishing someone happy birthday happens only at a birthday party (which btw, you organize your own parties now) unless you’re family, very close friends, or are one of those people who is obsessed with birthdays.
If you’re obsessed with birthdays, go right ahead and wish everyone and their mom a happy birthday! Expect a return rate of about 10%.
YWNBTA – but you would be the AH to yourself. You thought these people are your friends, but you now know that isn’t the case. To call them all out for bad behavior would only be a good idea if you’re hoping for one of two things 1. Personal satisfaction in publicly shaming them, or 2. For an apology.
If you want the personal satisfaction in shaming them for their shitty behavior, head to r/pettyrevenge and post about it for us to read later please 😁 if you want an apology, I’m sorry to say, I doubt any apology you’d get from any of the friends who never texted would make you feel better, nor do I think it would be honest and real. It would be forced and hollow, if you’d get one at all, and all it would do is give these bad friends more reason to mock you or be toxic behind your back.
If I were you, I’d simply quietly cut them out of my life. I wouldn’t bother to organize hanging out, to text them first. I’d skip hangouts without a word, grey rock them when they get nosy or start reaching out for their own interests. Build better friendships with people who like you and want to spend time with you and celebrate you, without being forced or guilted into it.
NAH they don’t sound like friends – more like acquaintances. Just quietly take note of where you stand with that group and move on. Confronting them won’t make them care if they don’t already.
If they are not close friends, I wouldn’t bring it up. The one that is close to you did remember, and that is what matters.