My(17F) closet has way too many clothes, more than I can take care of. Half of these clothes are clothes I did not even want, things my dad bought because he liked them and they were cheap. Or clothes my mom would buy in bulks of 3-5 similar items that I did not like or want to wear. I have no pocket money or anything nor are they fine with me working in a job. I also have a more petite build so I can wear clothes from all the way back to when I was 11-12 years old.
My mom and dad always picked my clothes on my behalf and particularly my dad was strict on what I was allowed to wear. I had the chance to pick my own clothes a few times but I did not know how to shop and choose outfits that look good on me. That led to outfits I liked looking bad on me. I only learned how to pick outfits that look flattering on me recently, about a year ago or so.
Because of this I slowly started to resent dressing up and just wore the most comfortable or the first outfit i got. Over time my closet grew bigger and messier and I did not want to deal with it until my mom found it out. She was already mad about me wearing the same outfits I liked over and over. She helped me clean it and I told her I did not, in fact, want to wear at least half of those clothes. I asked her if I can donate or give away the clothes I did not like, declutter it and form a new closet entirely composed of outfits I like AND look good on me. I also told her I wanted to learn how to dress myself up, like what I wear and at the same time like how it looks on me. My family is well off too, my dad sends 10 times my monthly lunch spending to random half-naked girls on facebook so I did not think I was asking for something unreasonable.
She did not say it to my face but next room I heard her saying things like "spoiled brat" and "what is there to not like about a fully intact outfit?" I tried talking to her about it and she said I was being unreasonable by not liking perfectly intact clothes and I was going to keep and wear them all, and that I needed to be grateful.
So that covers about it all I think. Am I being unreasonable here?
Say what?
As if you just snuck in that your dad sends money to naked women on facebook, lol!
NTA for wanting to have a say in your clothes (and I assume there is some cultural/religious issue at play) becuase 17 is WAY old enough to be in charge of your own wardrobe AND old enough to have a job, even if it’s babysitting.
Maybe he’s sending the half naked girls money to buy some clothes? They must be cold, poor things!
Just start a donate pile, find an organization to give them too. not thrift stores… look for women’s shelters something.. NTA
Nta.
Consider gathering the clothes you don’t ever wear, folding them nicely, then putting them in a large garbage or recycling bag- not to throw out though, since I think your parents would be upset.
Then, use a vacuum to mostly suck the air out of the bag and tie it tight. You will be able to reduce the amount of room these things take up by a lot.
You aren’t being unreasonable by not wearing outfits you don’t like and want to donate it which is the right way to go about it. I am generally against overconsumption but in this case you didn’t buy them and aren’t being wasteful. I think you should just avoid talking on this topic to maintain your sanity cause’ your parents aren’t gonna understand and will resort to calling you names so better leave it.NTA.
You sort of are TA.
Being a teenager has some challenges. One of them is affirming yourself. And this can be interpreted as not being grateful.
Can you propose a solution where you could go with your mom shopping and understand fashion. That would help you both. Good luck.
When can you move out?
NTA.
Just remove them from your closet and find a local women’s shelter or something to donate them to. I highly doubt your parents have a detailed catalogue of your clothes. At 17, you should be working to find a part time job of some kind. If you ever want to move out of this house, you need to have a job and a savings account.
In some parts, YTA and in others, NTA.
First of all…your 17. Organize your closet yourself. If you can get it messy, you can clean it up. I do agree with your Mom. She went in there to help you clean up, and you start asking for other things, when it’s clear you can’t keep up with what you have.
Also, that tidbit about Dad, not needed.
What you aren’ TA on is, you need to be firm but respectful of the clothes you want to wear. Being respectful is while you are living in your parents home, and they are paying for everything, there is going to have to be compromise on your outfits. If your Dad doesn’t want you wearing revealing clothes, then respect that, but find clothes that aren’t as revealing and wear those. There are plenty out there.
Good luck! You have this!
Imo your definitely old enough to start choosing your own clothes. That said. Some parents don’t see how old their kids really are. I still see my child who’s 20+ as my baby. I have to consciously remind myself hes an adult and hopefully i did my job instilling good values and that he will be a functioning contributing member of society.
Pile up a dozen outfits and say look can we sell these and the money off i can go find something more my style. If not. Wait til uni and sell them yourself.
NAH: You are a child going through some things. Growing body, growing sensibilities, growing doubts and anxieties, growing fashion and interests. Your parents also have their own issues. Since we have only your writing to go by, we have to try and see their actions from a neutral light, and while we make assumptions there, it may be wrong. Even your thoughts on what you see may be incorrect and you will only find out the true depths of the situation years later, if ever. (I’ve been there, it is weird when something later in life makes a childhood memory click.) It sounds like your parents may not be entirely happy in life (ie, comment about fathers spending habits). It also may not be true that your family is as well off as you believe. Your mother certainly shows signs of someone trying to make every dollar stretch. And your note regarding the clothes your dad picked out being cheap tends to back that up. Parents try to protect their kids from what they may be going through, which can include the depths of financial issues. And everyone tends to make poor choices when stressed. Including purchases that don’t make sense but you have the seemingly small amount now so you spend it on anything that can make you happy before it get’s taken away by the next problem to show up. If you want confirmation of that trend, look into the reasons why most lottery winners go bankrupt.
Try to approach this openly, and ask the hard questions about how things are. Mom, Dad, if you read this, your heart is probably in the right place, but your children can’t udnerstand a conversation that they aren’t a part of. Your habits of spending money on their clothes may make sense to you, but try to include them on it so you can both be happy with what you have.
Things will get better with love, and communication. They may still be hard, but at least you together won’t be the source of one problem, and that is a win.