I (20M) live with two roommates (20NB, 20M). My roommates (especially 20NB, who I’ll call Alex) have a tendency to leave everything to me, otherwise they don’t get done. One of many things left to me was getting furniture in our new place this year.
I have an awesome girlfriend that lives nearby with her family and they were generous enough to give me a couch and table with the idea that when we move in together, we’ll take it back. I was/am insanely grateful and happy that we ended up not paying for any furniture.
Alex wasn’t happy. They complained about everything. A tiny blemish on the couch, the cushions, the color, the table’s size, etc. Eventually I caved and got a TV stand because I was so tired of hearing them complain continually. I know I shouldn’t have rewarded it, but too late for that now. I was really upset about it though because it felt like they were being ungrateful to my girlfriend and her family/their generosity. They have no obligation to help us out with moving or providing furniture, but they did out of the kindness of their hearts. They even helped pick up the TV stand since it couldn’t fit in my car.
We moved the TV stand in and I put the table in the corner until I could figure out what to do with it. Alex moved the table in front of the couch and both my roommates use it to eat off of and such. Alex also does homework there despite having a desk in their room. The problem is that they leave trash all over it. Used paper towels, food wrappers, and crumbs/food bits. If it was clutter, I wouldn’t mind. But it’s food trash, which of course attracts bugs. We already have an issue with that because Alex leaves food on their plate in the sink and doesn’t wash dishes, so I end up cleaning the trash so it doesn’t get worse. Friends have suggested before that I move it to my room so they won’t leave trash all over it.
For Christmas I got supplies for some hobbies I have that I haven’t been able to do for awhile. One of these hobbies can be messy and it’s better if you have a separate space for it.
I would like to take the table from the living room and put it in my room to use as a dedicated space. I’d be able to easily do my hobby without needing to find somewhere outside the house and it would solve the problem of food trash being on the table/the common area being commandeered by Alex when they’re doing homework. I’ve asked a few friends what they think (as well as our third roommate, who’s fine with me moving it) and they said I’d be justified to move it since the table is technically mine and it would probably make the house cleaner. I worry that I’d be an asshole for taking it since they do use it often. I’m also worried I might only feel justified in taking it since I’m upset over how much they were complaining about it/disrespecting my girlfriend and her family. I don’t want to be an asshole or a bad roommate, but I’d really like to get to use this table. So, WIBTA for taking it back and putting it in my room?
NTA move out if you can because that is an unhygienic household.
NTA It’s your table and they can’t keep trash off it. Move the table. Also, when Alex leaves dirty dishes, they go in his room.
NTA, it’s furniture you acquired with your gf, not your roommate. You have complete control over where it goes. Let the roommate use their own desk or buy one for the living room.
NTA. Updateme
NTA, you mentioned it was gifted to you for your future with your partner to have, it doesn’t sound like they’re looking after it and at first they didn’t want it. You can always get another table if they miss it, but it sounds like this one has already developed sentimental value, so you should take care of it and not risk friction and the house can decide if they want to explore a new table option after.
NTA. The table is yours.
Also, stop cleaning up after Alex. That’s called “enabling;” it teaches him that someone else will always pick up after him, so he’ll never learn to be responsible and be motivated to clean up after himself. If you need to do anything, put the dirty dishes in his room.
I definitely am trying to stop cleaning up after them. I’ve stopped cleaning their dishes in the sink and I’m not tidying up after them anyway. I’m hoping if I move this table it’ll give me peace of mind as it won’t be SO much mess I’m ignoring.
NTA, but it’s not really going to solve your problems (other than needing a table dedicated for your hobby). Alex is just going to take over the couch and other furniture and leave their trash there or on the floor. You’re going to need to tackle that one head-on if you want to address it.
Sounds like Alex is an a hole and doesn’t deserve access to the table lol.
>I worry that I’d be an asshole for taking it since they do use it often… I don’t want to be an asshole or a bad roommate,
OP, you are WAY over thinking this. Alex is a TERRIBLE roommate, and you are giving them so much more grace than you are giving yourself. Take the table, stop cleaning up after them, and look at moving in with your GF sooner rather than later.
If Alex complains, tell them to find a new place to study… like the desk in their room. Maybe they can keep the bugs there if there is nowhere else to leave food scraps. I’d also bring the hammer down on this behavior pretty hard. Spoiled food stains and insects are a quick way to lose a deposit.
NTA.
OP, What I read is
1. You know the logical reason why it’s reasonable for you to take the table for your own use.
2. One roommate and others have confirmed with you that the also believe it is reasonable.
3. You predict that Alex – who you describe as ungrateful, picky, complaining, and inconsiderate – is will be unhappy if you use YOUR table (the one that he abuses) for your own personal use. This is the same guy who contributed nothing to the space that he feels free to trash.
And you are wringing your hands because – it doesn’t matter how many people think you are fine – if one ungrateful, inconsiderate, complaining guy doesn’t like your decision about YOUR property, well then you might be the AH/bad roommate he MIGHT think you are!
I have to wonder how you hard it is for you if you feel that even the hardest to please, complainiest person you know must approve of your choices about your own property.
FWIW, here is one more person confirming that YWNBTA for taking your table into your room. You have the most standing to use it, but please whomever you think is most important to please.
I think this is kinda the kick in the pants I needed. I think I’ve been treating them with so much grace because we were EXTREMELY close our first year at school. I want to give them the grace you’d give a best friend. But that’s not fair as they’re not giving me the respect you’d give a best friend. The living situation has deteriorated our relationship, at least on my end.
Just got home from a grocery run and I’m going to move the table into my room after cleaning it.
Nta. If Alex wants a table Alex can source a table themself.
NTA, but this isn’t going to solve any problems and may make things worse. Unfortunately you have very juvenile roommates. Hopefully you can move out soon.