My partner likes to spend time in the garage in his free time. It’s cold here, so he runs a kerosene bullet heater in there. I told him I wasn’t crazy about kerosene heaters bc I’m familiar with the smell and exhaust fumes trigger my chronic migraines. Nevertheless, he still chose the kerosene heater. Fine.
After working out there a full day this weekend, he came into the house for dinner and reeked of fumes.
He sat down on our cushioned kitchen chairs and didn’t seem to think it was a problem, dismissing me when I mentioned my sensitivity to fumes. The next day, I wake up with the beginnings of a migraine.
I decided to ask him if a compromise could be he comes in through the basement (laundry area) and changes his clothes before being in the house for any longer than bathroom break period of time. The basement isn’t any further a walk than the door he enters anyways, so I really didn’t think this was a big deal.
He gets angry and says that’s an absolutely ridiculous request. Even when I expressed my health concern, he said I’m just being dramatic and “once a month I always get this way”…. My migraines last days once they start and they’re really debilitating so I do everything I can to prevent them. Unfortunately smells and lights are two triggers. I don’t feel I should have to suffer in my own home, and I’d do the same for him if I needed to.
AITA for asking for this compromise?
NTA the once a month line is diabolical. Your husband sucks
NTA – Your husband is being incredibly dismissive and cruel.
NTA. Even without migraines who wants a house that stinks of fumes
NTA. But if he continues to do things that compromise your health, minimizes the danger it puts you in, and dismisses your communication, why are you still with him? Dump his ass.
Let me guess—he’s perfect otherwise? The bar is so fucking low. NTA but please stand up for yourself and leave.
Seriously! This man has absolutely zero respect for OP.
My teenager uses hair spray, an item which has a tendency to trigger breathing problems and headaches. And yet they worked with me to find the least offensive hair spray, turn on a fan and close the door to the bathroom they use, and do it early enough before we share a car that it is a minor annoyance at worst.
Apparently, your partner is less mature than a snarky, sassy teenager.
😭kudos for raising someone with emotional intelligence and follow through, give them a hug for me
NTA – chronic migraines (for anyone non sufferers reading this – defined as literally having a migraine *at least* 8 days a month, and a headache of some level on at least 15 days – but frequently far more often than thar) are a debilitating, life consuming illness that effect every single aspect of your day to day life either with the suffering of the migraine itself, or attempts to manage it. I don’t understand how you could have a partner that doesn’t understand the level of awful they are to deal with and still have them be your partner. Clearly they don’t care about you. I get more empathy and attempts at accommodation from my literal boss.
NTA. I get migraines from fumes too and really feel for you.
He needs to buy a different heater or change clothes, it’s not a big deal but his lack of respect for your health is.
There are so many options for heaters. There’s no need for kerosene one when it’s causing migraines for you and there’s definitely no need for him to refuse to change clothes. nta
NOR. The “once a month” comment is a red flag, indicative of bigger problems.
1) That’s a selfish thing to do and say on his part.
2) Ask if he can wear coveralls so he can just take those off when he leaves the garage.
3) If someone calls you “dramatic” and blames your periods for anything, that’s not a good sign. It’s actually a giant red flag. What happens if you two get married and he wants to honeymoon somewhere your allergies flare up? Are you dramatic then? What is he gets a dog and you tell him it bit you. Are you dramatic also? My spouse knows I have an overly sensitive nose and actively tries to avoid things that will make me feel ill, because he loves me and my health is important to him too. Think out how this relationship is going.
Even the strangers here care more about you and validate your health more than he does. Why are you still with this guy? You can do better.